Alpha Asian

Central Asia Report

2012-01-26T09:02:00.001-08:00

Ethnoburbs

2012-01-24T17:41:00.001-08:00

What the future holds is transculturation.

Uploaded: The Asian American Movement

2012-01-24T13:36:00.001-08:00

UPLOADED: The Asian American Movemen Reel from uploadedtaam on Vimeo.

Today's Round Up - Jan 23rd, 2012

2012-01-23T11:40:00.001-08:00

Happy New Year, everyone. It's the Year of the Dragon. Let's hope it's a prosperous one and the economy will turn around and give us some more positive news.

Yesterday, my Washington Capitals lost in overtime to the Pittsburgh Penguins on national TV yesterday. And once again, the play by play announcer, Doc Emerick, referred to my man Richard Park as "a native of Korea". Doesn't that imply that he grew up in Korea? Park grew up in North America, having emigrated as a little kid from Korea with his family. While it irks me to see him being portrayed as something "other" or "foreign", it's also said for a lot of European players in the NHL. And that's because they DID grow up somewhere else and it's still their home country! But Emerick has been slagged on in hockey forums as having lost his touch as a commentator. So I guess if I'm going to follow hockey, I'll have to put up with the guy.

Wow. Talk about nationalism. In today's Washington Post, there was a news item about a Beijing professor calling Hong Kong a "land of dogs" and "thieves". So of course, howls of anger and protest come forth from all the Hong Kongers, who view themselves as different from their mainland counterparts. So much for unity. It's the Mandarins against the Canto's....

Heejun Han on American Idol

2012-01-22T06:07:00.000-08:00

I Am Bruce Lee

2012-01-19T10:55:00.000-08:00

I admit, I'm a sucker for anything Bruce Lee. If there's a documentary on Bruce Lee, then I'll watch it. History Channel had a documentary last night called "How Bruce Lee Changed the World."

It wasn't a good biography on Bruce. There are better ones for that. But it was good documentary that showed how Bruce influenced a wide variety of people in a wide of variety of fields and wide variety of cultural backgrounds. From the documentary you'd figure Bruce invented the space shuttle and sliced bread.

Nevertheless, it does show how Bruce's philosophy had a huge impact on the world. I remember growing up as a little kid watching his movies and feeling a sense of pride in my Chinese heritage, something I didn't feel prior. What amazed me at the time was that all of my childhood friends and classmates who were white, black and Hispanic all wanted to be Bruce and emulate him. That's the thing with Bruce: he was so extraordinary that people looked beyond his race and recognized the impact of what he brought to the world.

Steve Yeun on Glenn and Asian Americans in Hollywood

2012-01-16T04:05:00.000-08:00

White on Rice

2012-01-14T09:15:00.000-08:00

So I finally got to watching White on Rice, because it's now available on Hulu. Big Wowo provides a review of the movie on his blog:

"This one was a hard one to rate. Everything was good about this movie except the main character. The main character, a creepy FOB name Hajime who goes by the name Jimmy, is deadweight to what otherwise was a fun movie. Sometimes dorky characters are endearing, but this dork is creepy and obnoxious...

"That being said, let’s talk about what is good about this movie. Lynn Chen and James Kyson Lee were great. Chen lit up the screen as one of the main female costars. She has real star power–I hope she gets more leading roles. And Kyson–man, the guy is so cool without his Heroes accent. He shocked me with his acting talent–between Heroes and this movie, he showed the range of his abilities. Nae and Mio Takada were awesome in both English and Japanese as Aiko and Taku, the Japanese couple working on spicing up their marriage. The kid who played Bob was excellent, despite the fact that just about all his dialogue is with adults, rather than other kids. There are lots of attractive people in this movie."

Today's Round Up

2012-01-12T07:15:00.000-08:00

Richard Park, number 12, celebrating score with team mate Chris Kunitz

So I'm watching the hockey game last night between my Washington Capitals and their rivals the Pittsburgh Penguins. My man Richard Park came back from playing in Europe and signed on with the Penguins. He's not a standout player, but a 3rd or 4th line kind of guy. If you're not familiar with hockey, each team has 4 lines and they rotate them in and out of the game on shifts. Usually your top two lines have your main stars and scorers. Anyway, at last night's game, the play by play announcer, Doc Emerick makes a comment about Richard Park as being "from Seoul, Korea". Huh?

You know, that kind of stuff just promotes North American Asians as somehow being this "other" group, still foreign and "not one of us". For those in the hockey world who know, yes, Park was born in Seoul, but as a kid his family emigrated to North America. He grew up in Canada and the US. Maybe it's nothing, but it just kind of irked me that McGuire didn't fill in the blanks and say more about Park's background, like he grew up in North America and took up hockey . Am I being too sensitive? Maybe. But I still don't like it. Anyway, my man Richard made a great play against the Caps, damn him! One of the Caps top sniper had a wide open net to shoot the puck into but Richard laid himself out and blocked the shot with part of his body.

Also, in today's Washington Post, there's an interesting bit in the Washington Post's TV Column about the stupid CBS show "Two Broke Girls" and the constant stereotyping of minorities in the show for stupid laughs from stupid people. An excerpt from the article:

A couple of questions later, King noted that in the last three episodes, he had not written a single Asian joke – only made short jokes about Han, the diner owner. Then he wondered aloud if the critics would consider a “blond rich b----” a stereotype or a “sarcastic-mouthed waitress” a stereotype.

Critics did not even feel that slap — they were way back at where King said he hadn’t done a single Asian racist gag in three whole episodes, confining himself to short jokes about Han.

“Does that mean you’re not going to go back to Asian stereotypes?” one critic asked, hopefully.

“I’m gay!” an exasperated King shouted, flinging himself around in his chair on stage. “I’m putting in gay stereotypes very week! . . . I don’t find it offensive -- any of this. I find it comic to take everybody down!”

Another critic jumped on the pile, asking King whether being a member of one traditionally disenfranchised minority makes it okay for him to make fun of members of other disenfranchised minorities.

Unbelievable. How the hell do you battle bad media images of yourself when nimrods like this guy have control?

Eugene Lee – Breathing Together – Leadership Lessons from Musical Ensembles

2012-01-11T10:49:00.001-08:00

Idealistic Vs. Practical

2012-01-08T23:05:00.000-08:00

Someday.

So last Christmas night marked the two year anniversary of my decision to get into pharmacy. My girlfriend at the time and I decided to go on a three day trip to San Francisco. We had a blast window shopping, going out to random restaurants and just enjoying each other's company. It was our last night there and we were having some of that "after-pillow fight conversation." She teases me and says "Honey, I want....two boys and two girls." And I was like "No." And she was like "Okay.. three kids." And I'm like...."No." And with a sigh, she breathes "Two." And then I sigh, cave in and go "Okay fine.... two kids." Without missing a beat, she throws up in my face and I'm like "Babe... too soon!"

The next morning, I rush to the nearest pharmacy to buy some Plan B. (They don't call it "the morning after pill" for nothing.) Luckily for me, it was just the stomach flu. It was pretty obvious since she threw up like six times the rest of the night... but you can never be too careful. Unfortunately for her... she got the stomach flu. We took the Caltrain home and she fell asleep on my shoulder, exhausted from puking last night's dinner and then some. During that entire night, I had been so freaked out about what we were talking about earlier. I was pretty sure that she probably ate something bad (Oh all-you-can-eat Chinese buffets... y u make such good Peking Duck, but have such dirty kitchens!?!?) but in the back of my mind I kept thinking to myself, "What if?" I was in no position to start raising kids! Hell, I just turned 20 the day before! But these things always get guys thinking. Besides the chunk blowing, the past three days were literally the best I've had (so far). I liked being able to afford *the most* of our trip's expenses and fighting with her whether or not I was going to pay for something and that was what solidified my decision to seriously pursue my career.

These past two years, probably the most difficult thing for me was letting go of the idea that I won't have my "dream job" any time soon sink in. I think growing up (for me at least) I was led to believe that if I "follow my dreams, money will follow" and that you basically get one permanent job per lifetime and that most people hated their jobs and very few people do what they love for a living. This is probably still true. The majority of Americans I've met always tell me to follow my passions, while the Asians (Fobs) always tell me to pursue a career that makes money. The "idealistic" vs. the "practical."

Next year, the majority of students from my high school graduate year are going to graduate from College. Some are going to go to upper division while the rest will start looking for jobs. If there's one thing I've learned contemplating about work and happiness these past two years it's this: Most people my age don't know shit about what they're passionate about. At least career wise. And there's nothing wrong with that! You have the rest of your life to figure that out, but...! The real world isn't going to wait for you.

My surrogate mother and I were having a conversation about a month about about how some Americans are too "care free" about how they raise their kids and that they put too much emphasis on "following their dreams." Although this is great advice when you're actually mature enough, as I said earlier, most people don't know what they want to do with themselves until well after college and as a result, most struggle for a while after college until they learn to get their act together. Even though most Asians have pressured to go into a profession they may hate by their parents, as James mentions earlier, we eventually learn that true happiness is success in and of itself and say "Fuck it! I'm not happy!" and choose a profession more to their liking.

My dad always tells me how impossible some things are, like becoming a musician, or an artist, or an MMA fighter. Although I agree with what he's trying to tell me, I think his wording needs to be tweaked. It's not that it's impossible, it's just that it's really hard to be successfully mainstream. I think the most important thing to tell your kids is to ask whether or not they like chasing something that they may or may not truly love while worrying about money and even IF they spent years cultivating their talents and working their asses off, there's ALWAYS that possibility that they may not make it....or if they'd rather be financially secure while trying to figure out what they truly care about. Like I said earlier, I like having money. I like travelling, I LOVE food even more and I like going out to nice restaurants whenever I want. I just started to get into cars and OMG I want a beemer when I grow up. I ~~want~~ need the ability to be financially ready just in case my future wife tell me that she's got a bun in the oven (even if I'm not emotionally).

The i8 is so beautiful I want to cry

I like drawing again. I like being able to play instruments, hearing my emotions transform into audible sound as I strike the notes. I'm at that age now that I can draw or play whatever the hell I want and no one will complain about it. Even though I'm working my ass off preparing myself to get into pharmacy school, I'm taking whatever free time I have to rediscover myself. So what if I'm taking a stereotypical Asian job? What's important is whether or not I'm happy... and goddammit I'm going to be happy.

10 things I've learned from working in retail

2012-01-07T21:05:00.000-08:00

1. Retail sucks so hard it swallows. Fuck retail.

2. The waiter rule

3. People are assholes. No matter what race, there will always be some sort of bastard that will ruin your day and sometimes it feels like every customer is a dick customer. (Even though in the bottom of your heart you know it's not true.) As Dr. Cox would say "People are just bastard covered bastards with bastard filling."

4, People are stupid. See #3

5. Learn to speak and to explain things clearly: Because eventually you'll put up with a stupid person. Or an asshole.

6. You can't please everyone. Some people are never going to be happy with anything you do for them. Ever. Learn to forget about them and move on.

7. There is at least ONE super nice customer. Make small talk with some customers that are *genuinely* nice to you. Sometimes after putting up with an asshole customer you'll recognize one of them and seeing them smile back at you will help you forget about that one guy that you thought ruined your day.

8. Try to be a good person. If you've worked in retail you know that it's a lot of bullshit to deal with for not that much pay. Why would you want to become one of those customers that you hate so much?

9. Learn to give a genuine smile. People will smile back, especially after putting up with dick customers.

10. Remember that once you leave and those doors close, 99% of shit that happens at work stays at work. It's okay to vent things out once in a while, but try not to vent all the time, or else people will start thinking that you've become bitter and jaded.

Just another day in the pharmacy....(the drugs mentioned are Vicodin and Soma).

Gordon Hirabayashi

2012-01-06T05:33:00.000-08:00

Shit Asian Girls Say

2012-01-02T05:59:00.001-08:00

9 Laws of Power for the Alpha Asian

2011-12-30T11:14:00.000-08:00

I run into a lot of nice guys. And being that I'm Asian, I know a lot of nice guys who happen to be Asian. There are 2 types of nice guys:

1) Nice guys that everybody respects (nice guy alpha).
2) Nice guys that nobody respects (nice guy beta).

Nice guy alphas tend to be leaders who lead with a gentle but firm touch. Their word is their bond. When they say they will do something, they do it. They are decisive and confident in their actions, because they adhere to clear moral and ethical principles. They consider all options, but they don't waffle or hesitate. They're not overly aggressive or abrasive in their style. They are gentlemen in every sense of the word.

Nice guy betas are best described by this Heartless Bitch with plenty of experience with supposed nice guys:

"What's wrong with Nice Guys? The biggest problem is that most Nice Guys (tm) are hideously insecure. They are so anxious to be liked and loved that they do things for other people to gain acceptance and attention, rather than for the simply pleasure of giving. You never know if a Nice Guy really likes you for who you are, or if he has glommed onto you out of desperation because you actually paid some kind of attention to him.

"Nice Guys are always asking HER to make the decisions. They think it's being equitable, but it puts an unfair burden of responsibility on her, and gives him the opportunity to blame her if the decision was an unwise one.

"Nice Guys rarely speak up when something bothers them, and rarely state clearly what it is they want, need and expect. They fear that any kind of conflict might spell the end of the relationship. Instead of comprimising and negotiating, they repeatedly "give in". When she doesn't appreciate their sacrifice, they will complain that, "Everything I did, I did for her.", as if this somehow elevates them to the status of martyrs. A woman doesn't want a martyr. She wants an equal, caring, adult partner."

Although this woman is talking about nice guys in the context of relationships, I think nice guy betas function this way in their dealings with other people as well. They don't make decisions, because they don't want the blame and responsibility if their decisions are wrong. They're passive aggressive, because they can't handle confrontation. They don't speak up when shit happens, and yet they'll bitch about stuff behind your back. And because of this, nice guy betas are prone to victimization.

It seems like a lot Asian guys are nice guys, both alpha and beta. On one hand, this is not surprising, because Asian cultures stress harmonious relations. On the other hand, it is rather strange that there are so many nice Asian guys who don't have social game. They don't have seem to have calculating strategic minds to survive and thrive in a socio-political world.

I say this is strange, because East Asia has a long history of warfare and politics and a lot of classic Asian military texts (i.e. Art of War) teach strategic thinking. So you would think some of this strategic thinking would have seeped down the generations and had some influence on how Asian Americans play social game. You would think there wouldn't be so many nice guys who walk through life like sheep and then become roadkill. Nice guys are way too trusting, so they get blindsided by more cunning and devious people.

The modern Asian guy is too nice. I find too many Asians make self-deprecating racial jokes in an effort to get on the good side of non-Asians. They use pre-emptive racism. They think that by becoming deferential and obsequious yellow lap dogs, that they will earn the respect of white people.

No one respects a person who does not respect himself. You can't be a nice guy all the time. You have to turn on the asshole switch every so often, so that people don't fuck with you. Below are a few principles to follow when playing a cut throat social-political game. They work best in highly political environments where people jockey for position and power.

1) You don't always have to win. You just have to make them bleed. You may not win every fight, but if you hurt your opponent badly, then people will think twice about messing with you.

2) People don't always remember what you did or what you said, but they will remember how you made them feel. If you make someone feel like shit, then he or she will remember this feeling everytime they see you or think of you. So don't make people feel like shit. Don't demean them or be condescending. Because...

3) In the game of life, you'll play in many different arenas, and you won't always have home field advantage. So alway be a gracious host. Just because you're expert in one or two things, doesn't give you license to act like a douchebag. You may encounter a situation where you'll need someone else's expertise.

4) Befriend the stragglers. There are always stragglers in every environment, people who are outcasts for some reason. People normally shun outcasts and treat them like crap, so when you treat them nicely and respectfully, then these stragglers become your allies. One straggler is not necessarily enough to tip the balance of power in your favor, but if you befriend enough stragglers, then you will command considerable influence among the group.

5) Allies need not be controlled. They just need to be unleashed. You may not want to be in a protracted war with someone, especially if that someone is more powerful. Someone else, however, may be motivated to do the dirty work for you. And if this is the case, then such people just need to be unleashed. Once they're loose, however, you'll have no control over them. But if you're fighting a guerilla war against a superior enemy, then you really don't need to control your allies. You're just trying to create havoc for your opponent by unleashing as many wild dogs as you can. Your opponent will be busy dealing with them as opposed to you.

6) Don't have blood on your hands. The advantage of unleashing others to do your dirty work is that it allows for plausible deniability. Someone did it, not you. And you may not have any knowledge of what's been going on, because your ally is operating independently of you.

7) Do not let disrespect go unpunished. If someone disrespects you in front of others, then it sets a dangerous precedent for people to follow. Address it immediately.

8) Don't make deals with the Devil. If you sell your soul to preserve your hide, then you're stuck in perpetual debt. You're now a slave, and the price for your freedom will just get higher and higher as time goes on. So don't be someone else's bitch.

9) Destroy your enemies completely. Once you start a war with someone, then it's best that you eliminate him from the playing field. If you don't, then he or she could rise up from the aftermath and eliminate you or make your life a living hell. If you cannot eliminate an opponent, then you should at least break his will to fight (see point #1).

10 Things Asian Dudes Need To Stop Doing Right Now!

2011-12-29T11:07:00.000-08:00

By Perfect Asian Dudes

We love seeing Asians making progressive strides in society. It gives us a warm feeling when we see an asian dude and can think to ourselves, "That right there...is a Perfect Asian Dude". Unfortunately, this is few and far between. So we wrote up a list of our current asian dude pet peeves. Without further adieu, here is our list of 10 Things Asian Dudes Need To Stop Doing Right Now!

1. Being an Armani Exchange hoarder. It's our firm belief that a dude should never spend more money on clothing than their sisters. It's not a crime to wear colors other than black and a billion shades of grey. A similar case can also be made for Abercrombie and Hollister hoarders.

2. Executing the "Chin Up Stare Down" picture pose.
Step One: Throw up gang signs.
Step Two: Tilt chin up and stare down.
Step Three: Make sure not to smile.
Step Four: End up on a blog with the ridiculous ass photo you've just created.

The pink tie obviously represents his gang colors

3. Feathery Anime Hair. Words like tousled, feathered, layered, and even blow-dried should never be used to describe your hair.

She has pretty hair

4. Being a prototypical "angry asian". Bitchfests are my least favorite type of "fest". I'd rather be at a sausagefest....at least there's no bitches =P

5. Working out in herds. Because becoming a Ripped Asian Dude is obviously a group effort that requires you to take turns on the bench press and ab wheel every day with your five closest friends. This behavior is especially popular among university students where there's a sizable asian population

6. Excessive use of the "N word". No matter how much you and your friends may call each other the "N word". No matter how much you love Lil' Wayne and Drake's music. No matter how many fitted NY Yankee's caps you own. No matter what city ghetto your parents decided to immigrate to and raise you in -- you know where I'm going with this.

7. Living the "Asian Thug Life". See number 6 for explanation.

F-F-F-F-F-F-FAG YOU-NET!

8. Substituting "Asian" with "Azn". Be proud of being "Asian", not "Azn". That abbreviation is reserved for Astrazeneca, which can help explain why so many asians are drawn towards pharmacy. This one isn't so gender specific.

9. Wearing colored contacts. Usually worn by the same people who have "azn" in their instant messenger screen name. All the blue-colored contacts in the world can't hide the fact that you're an ugly mother focker. It also amplifies the fact you're a tool. Lose-lose situation.

Sorry brah...she ain't mirin'

10. Believing Video Games > Girls. I enjoy video games as much as the next dude but we believe weekends should be spent gaming......real girls.

Fleshy boobs > Digital boobs

If any of these apply to you then for all that is sacred, holy, and PAD, make it a New Years Resolution to stop this behavior at once!

If you like this post, then subscribe to our full feed RSS.

Jake Shimabukuro on TED

2011-12-22T08:57:00.000-08:00

Favorite Asian American Books of the Past Ten Years

2011-12-20T10:16:00.000-08:00

It's only five days until Christmas. Have you got your shopping done? If you're looking for some last minute holiday gift ideas, then consider these books for your hipster friend or family member who's into all things Asian American (AA).

My 3 favorite AA graphic novels:

1) American Born Chinese by Gene Luen Yang.
2) Shortcomings by Adrian Tomine.
3) Level Up by Gene Luen Yang.

My favorite AA mystery trilogy: Leonard Chang's Allen Choice Trilogy.

Over the Shoulder
Underkill
Fade to Clear

My favorite book on dysfunctional AA parenting: Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mom by Amy Chua.

My favorite AA short story collection: Yellow by Don Lee.

My favorite autobiography by an Alpha Asian: Yellow Green Beret: Stories of an Asian American Stumbling Around U.S. Army Special Forces

Secret to success

2011-12-18T20:59:00.000-08:00

China and Africa

2011-12-18T16:19:00.000-08:00

Here's a fascinating perspective on Chinese and African relations by Stephen Chan. I picked this video up from Ben Efsaneyim's blog.

Interview with Veteran Green Beret Chester Wong

2011-12-13T19:21:00.000-08:00

I was so impressed with Chester Wong's book Yellow Green Beret that I wanted to do a podcast interview with him. As far as Asian American books from the male perspective, I would consider this one of my top three. Definitely give this book a read if you get a chance.

In this interview, Chester and I talk about Asians at Westpoint, military life (and party life) in Korea, overthrowing enemy governments, the history of the Green Berets and Robin Sage (the ultimate military role playing game).

HEAD starring Don Chao

2011-12-12T15:55:00.000-08:00

This video comes at an interesting time in my life.

Simple Pickup on Nightline

2011-12-09T09:12:00.001-08:00

video platform video management video solutions video player

Book Review: Yellow Green Beret

2011-12-08T15:26:00.000-08:00

I just finished up a book titled Yellow Green Beret by Chester Wong. This guy's a true Alpha Asian, in every sense of the word. Chester served as an Army Special Forces officer. He served in 4 combat tours in Iraq and the Philippines, working extensively throughout Southeast Asia and the Middle East in special ops missions. He received several medals for his accomplishments, including 2 Bronze Stars.

Chester decided to write a book about his experiences, all the way from his time at Westpoint in 1997 to the Iraq War in 2009. It's a compilation of 23 episodes from his military life, some of them quite humorous, some of them profound life lessons. All of the stories provide the reader with an inside look at Army Special Forces Operations and the intense training that's involved. You learn a lot about the war in Iraq, hazing at Westpoint, sniper school and scenario based training

And yet, this guy doesn't take himself too seriously. He doesn't come off as a super soldier devoid of fear and weakness. As a Green Beret, he is (as he puts it) "an average dude in a special group of people." And this makes him much more relatable.

This and the fact that he is Asian American who grew up in the Bay Area. His stories are about life in the military (not about Asian American issues) but you get his Asian American perspective framing the stories, nonetheless.

This is a great book, and I highly recommend it. Each story sucks you into a world that very few of us in the civilian world know about. You'll be entertained and educated regardless of whether you have an interest in military operations. You can check out some excerpts at Yellow Green Beret.

Don't Be Afraid Of Hitting Life's Reset Button

2011-12-06T00:27:00.000-08:00

By PAD

I'm hitting the reset button...

I'm packing up and moving to a spankin' new city in a week =) That means starting all over. No family, no social circle, no real connections other than one of the other Perfect Asian Dudes.

It's a bitter sweet feeling leaving everything behind since I have everything I could possibly need here. My loving family, a great social circle, a city full of girls. I have it good where I am...I'm comfortable.

A little too comfortable...and that's exactly the problem.

Many of us yearn to find peace and comfort. We go on a journey to find a city we can fall in love with, with a person we're in love with, kick our feet up, and live out our lives. It's forgivable if you're at that age and have a family to take care of. But to me, comfort equals boredom. Comfort means you aren't growing. Comfort...is the opposite of adventure =)

Hit the Reset before it's Game Over

Traveling through Europe opened my eyes to this especially. Only until you travel through an entire continent; until you completely immerse yourself in different cultures can you truly appreciate what the world has to offer.

I felt fear and moments of extreme discomfort overseas. In other words, I felt alive. Coming back to the states I knew I wanted to make a big change and this is why I decided to take the risk and leave my comfortable little life. To stop talking and start doing.

We like comfort because we don't like fear. Packing up and moving requires starting over. We are afraid of not making friends, afraid of being unfamiliar, afraid of being away from family members, afraid of being uncomfortable. People who let fear control them usually end up making their fears come true. They fall victim to the almighty self-fulfilling prophecy. If you move to a new city thinking you're going to hate it, chances are you're going to hate it. And the biggest reason you're going to hate it is because you won't allow yourself to like it...all because you let the fear get to you.

A lot of us make big moves because we are forced to for various reasons, while a lot of us want to but never end up doing so. All because we are afraid. Fear is both good and bad. Fear helps keep us alive but it also doesn't allow us to fully live. The trick to having an adventurous and fulfilling life is to know when your fear is irrational. When you start to really become in-tune with your thoughts and emotions you will realize that most of your fear is irrational, such as hitting the reset button. No one is going to kill you for starting a new adventure in a new city...at least I hope not.

Don't you worry your little head, it's not that dangerous

My mindset is not one of fear in the least bit. I haven't been this excited about moving ever since I first moved away for college =) I look forward to not having friends and forcing myself to make new ones. I can't wait to explore the city, the women, the food, etc. I've learned to embrace being uncomfortable because I know I'm experiencing something new. I know that I am stepping outside of my comfort zone. And the best indicator for whether or not you are growing as a person is how often you are uncomfortable.

I plan on staying in this new city for a few years then who knows where life will take me. I'm open to the possiblity of maybe living somewhere overseas for a bit. Singapore seems like a pretty sweet place to live. Why?

Because if you're not growing, you're dying...=)

Before Tiger Mom, Before Paper Tigers

2011-12-02T08:14:00.000-08:00

Thanks to AMR for this blast from the past.

The Yin and Yang of Contemporary Asian American Culture

2011-11-30T12:00:00.000-08:00

The Yin and Yang of Contemporary Asian American Culture from Museum of Chinese in America on Vimeo.

"Graphic novelist Gene Yang (Level Up; American Born Chinese), New York Magazine contributing editor Wesley Yang (Paper Tigers) and author and columnist Jeff Yang (The San Francisco Chronicle's Asian Pop) - all of whom happen to share the same last name – discuss current trending topics including the evolving nature of Asian American identity, the challenges of Asian masculinity and the perils (and promise) of tiger parenting."

I'm New Here and I Just Want to Introduce Myself

2011-11-26T08:38:00.000-08:00

My name is Aldryn McAuslen, I'm 18 years old right now. I'm an avid reader on philosophy, psychology, and self-help, I've spent money literally on hundreds of books, audio, and video programs on those subjects since 13. Right now I'm gathering info on critical race theory (Asian Pacific American issues and white priviledge)

I've read James' book and really digg the ideas he has. That's what brought me here.
I have a blog post idea that's been running through my head and I will post that in the next post-after this one. =]

-I think the purpose of the human being is to self-actualize and to express one's self honestly.

-I think the purpose of life is to be in a happy state as much as possible

Here are my goals right now:
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Health/Fitness-->Short Term: Look f****in' hot in a swimsuit
-->Long term: Complete the Iron Man Triathon

Emtional Life-->Short Term: Cut out negative influences in my life
-->Long Term: Exprience more positive emotions throughout the day-everyday

Intellectual Life-->Short Term: Start writing again on the subjects that I fancy
-->Long Term: To win the respect of intellegent people and the appreciation of
honest critics

Spiritual Life-->Short Term: Find my passion and bliss in life
-->Long Term: I would live the way I please and would feel a deep sense of
inner harmony and happiness

Love Relationship-->Short Term: Being able to keep the fire/passion in a long term relationship
-->Long Term: Being able to have sex with a new girl once a week
and have a rotation of 8 girls to hang out with

Social Life-->Short Term: Find positive people that enjoy life and befriend them
-->Long Term: Have a group of friends that feel happy and successful in their life/
Plus I can go to when having a shitty day and we support each other's
goals in life

Financial Life-->Short Term: Have enough money to live on my own
-->Long Term: Have enough money to travel the world

Career-->Short Term: Get a job to afford my books, clothes, and video games =]
-->Long Term: Find a career that I'm passionate about and that I'm exicted to go
go to work because it feels like play

Character-->Become that guy that's "real" self-actualized and happy

Quality of Life-->Have a life that is filled with positivity

Life Vision-->Sing Frank Sinatra's "My Way" and feel it in every fiber of my soul
-->To leave the world a bit better, whether by a healthy child, a garden patch, or a
redeemed social condition; to know even one life has breathed easier because I
have lived.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Stay tune for my next post. ^_-

-Aldryn

Footy Legends

2011-11-26T01:07:00.000-08:00

What Asian parents forget to teach you

2011-11-24T21:47:00.000-08:00

I'm not sure if it was because of my Tiger upbringing or if it was just an innate trait, but I was always an awkward kid. The kind of quiet person that didn't know really know how to talk to people. Of course, I was pretty talented: I took martial arts, piano, art, and of course, I did pretty well in school.

On top of that, my dad was a pretty successful person himself. He was well known in Saigon as being one of the best street fighters (he had a portion of his skull cut off when some sore loser smashed a spear on the back of his head after he lost a fight), was Mr. Popular, (to this DAY, he knows just about every Vietnamese person in town), was basically an Asian Casanova before the concept of "Asian playboy" ever existed, if it wasn't for the war, he'd have finished medical school, and even founded a successful computer company (but after a certain bubble popped when I was a toddler, we lost most of our money so I never knew exactly HOW well off we were, which in my opinion, would be a good thing because I think I would have been a spoiled bitch if we still had the money). So I had some big shoes to fill.

One time my father and I passed by a Rolls and I was like OMG! Dad it's a Rolls! He looked at it unimpressed and said "Oh, that's just one of the cheaper ones" and laughed it off.

But of course, as a concerned parent, my dad tried his best to try to help his son out with his awkwardness. He always told me that as long as I kept practicing, and was good at something, it would be easier to talk to people. Unfortunately, there's a huge generational + cultural gap between the two of us and every time he said that, it was followed by drill of any combination of things mentioned above- drill, being the key word and when he didn't see any progress in my social skills he'd demeanor me and ask "Why can't you make friends!?" I'm just a kid! I don't fucking know! As time passed, I got pretty damn good at what I did, or at least better than most people, and if not by quality, quantity, but I was still socially awkward. Even worse, because I was constantly practicing one thing or another and eventually I got sick of playing classical music, drawing seemed like a giant chore, and I was taking out all my frustrations on my sparring partners. I was constantly practicing one thing or the other so I never had the time to appreciate what I was learning. People used to praise me all the time, but because I was so disillusioned, I just scowled back. Not sexy at all.

Flash forward to about a month ago. I just gave an awesome speech about how Bruce Lee broke stereotypes. I weaved and did combos and I put in so much energy that a few guys started copying my peek-a-boo stance. I cracked a few jokes and I killed! So what was it that I learned these past few years?

Don't be afraid to show off what you care about! As long as you don't shove it down people's throats, it's totally acceptable. The more comfortable you become, confidence is sure to follow. Once you're comfortable and confident, your magnificent charisma will follow and once you've gained enough charisma, you will become fucking A-M-A-Z-I-N-G. I may not be able to follow my father's footsteps, (why so many alliterations?) but I'm sure to make my own path that I can be proud of. I had a talk with my dad about what charisma was the other day and he joyously shouted "You finally figured it out!" and I was like "Why didn't you fucking tell from the get go, damn it!" He never answered. If there's any readers out there that haven't figured this out yet, I hope I saved you years of trouble, because I seriously wished someone would have told me that when I was a kid.

Reader Mail: A Look Back on the Alpha Asian

2011-11-24T14:29:00.000-08:00

I just discovered two of your blogs today Strength and Physique & Alpha Asian. I enjoy the writing style a lot and enjoy every little bit I read.

I just want to take this chance to thank you for being such an inspiration for Asians, as well as for fitness/bodybuilding enthusiasts worldwide! :)

Cheers!
Dash

My Answer: Thanks Dash, I'm glad you enjoy my blogs. I can't believe it's been 4 years since I started my Strength and Physique blog and 3 years since I started the Alpha Asian blog. I started the S&P blog as a marketing tool, and in the beginning I put a lot of effort into launching it. But over time, I grew tired of answering the same basic questions over and over. I still enjoy helping readers with exercise and diet advice, but I found the S&P blog too limiting in scope with regards to subject matter. I was limited to exercise and fitness questions, and they tend to be rudimentary ones at that. I wanted to talk about a variety of things other than exercise and diet. Things like psychology, TV shows, Asian American (AA) issues and whatever struck my fancy.

So that's when I decided to start the Alpha Asian blog. I looked around at other AA blogs and sites at the time, and I wanted to fill a void that was not being filled by other blogs. Angry Asian Man was the first in people's minds (and still is) as far as AA websites. So I didn't want another Angry Asian knock off. I wanted to progress beyond anger, and I felt that blogs like the Minority Militant and sites like Model Minority articulated the anger and frustrations of Asian Americans.

The time that I started the Alpha Asian blog was a rather opportune time, because what happened was that AA blogs and discussion boards were on the decline as far as quality and proliferation. Fallout Central (which featured high quality podcasts on AA issues) was now defunct. Yellow World and the Fighting 44's (which were bastions of intellectual debate) were now dead.

After the implosion of these sites, the AA presence on the web took on different directions: self-improvement and user generated content. For better or for worse, Fallout Central was replaced by Better Asian Man and the Asian Playboy, who advocated improving the AA male image through self-improvement (and that meant attending their PUA bootcamps). Meanwhile YouTube allowed AA's to generate their own music videos and webisodes.

So I thought to myself, "Why not aggregate these entertaining and inspiring videos of Asians and Asian Americans on YouTube? Why don't we aggregate positive energy for once?"

And that's how I got started. I didn't want the Alpha Asian blog to be just another AA news feed like Angry Asian Man or another Asian-spotting blog or another "look how silly Asians are" website. I wanted the videos, podcasts and commentaries to be relevant, inspirational and educational for AA's and non-AA's regardless of what year they discovered the Alpha Asian site. I wanted AA's to push beyond anger, beyond helplessness, beyond frustration.

Over time, I found myself concentrating and writing from a more AA male perspective. I simply don't like the perception that the AA male psyche oscillates between frustration and despair. Most AA males take care of their women, their families, their careers, their lives. Many are leaders in their respective fields. They really don't have time to be posting and commenting on the Internet on a regular basis. And yet affirmative guidance is what has been missing from the AA presence on the web.

Since I started the Alpha Asian blog there have been a lot more AA sites, some devoted to an AA male perspective and some devoted to positive aggregation and self-improvement. Funny thing is there's a WordPress blog called the Asian Alpha Man. And unfortunately, the term Alpha Asian has been co-opted by the PUA community. The term has taken on a life of its own.

My intent with my blog was to spread the "ideal viruses" of the Alpha Asian. Not for PUA's to make money. So I thought I'd highlight some key ideals and notable quotes from the Alpha Asian blog, in no particular order:

"If you focus on things that you cannot control, then you will lose control on that which you normally control." (Mental Cages, Psychological Ropes)

"If you don't say much, then people will have to fill in the blanks. If a space is empty in people's minds with regards to you, then that space will be occupied, and it could be occupied by anything, any idea, not matter how outlandish. This is how gossip, rumors and stereotypes supplant the truth in people's minds.

"Your reputation precedes you, so you, as an Asian American must fill in the space in people's minds before some racist idiot does. You as an Asian American must control your image before the image controls you." (Underkill)

"Too many people take this all or none approach to everything. They define everything by success or failure, when in reality, most situations are opportunities to learn and practice. Define your own success."

"When you cannot recognize friend from foe and you recognize race instead of the merits of one's behavior, then you are mentally colonized and racism has an outpost in your head." (Windowbreaker)

"It's amazing how people will vehemently cling to and defend a racial or ethnic stereotype, even in the face of contradictory information and examples. This goes for both the stereotyper (a.k.a. racist) and the stereotyped (i.e. Asians). Asians are guilty of conforming to stereotypes imposed on us by non-Asians and believing in the white supremacist crap about our inferiority. To paraphrase George Orwell: 'We're given masks, and our faces grow to fit them.'" (Honestly Expressing One's Self)

"Our greatest strength is self-reliance, but it is also our greatest weakness. Asians are expected to be self-reliant and not to complain about hardship, because our mentality is this: we take care of our shit. Everyone is expected to carry their own weight, so your personal shit shouldn't be affecting other people.

"While this is normally a good thing, it makes things difficult when there is a call for unity within the Asian American communities. We'd rather not get involved. We operate individually and independently despite our numbers and our potential for solidarity." (Blending into Your Landscape)

"Now I’m not saying that being a man-whore is the masculine ideal to strive for. [But] People act like the Western masculinity and Asian masculinity are mutually exclusive. But men are men, no matter what part of the world you’re talking about. Men of all cultures do stupid sh!t, like wage war, screw lots of women and say things they later regret." (Western Masculine Ideal vs. Asian Masculine Ideal)

"What transforms a community into a movement? Although forum communities serve a purpose (exchange of information, intelligent and unintelligent discourse, etc.), a community of people who think similarly is not a movement. A 'movement' implies a series of deliberate actions undertaken to move from your current state to a desired state. Without movement, then you don't have… a movement." (State of the AA Blogosphere)

"When it comes down to it, if you want to help Asian Americans, then develop that Asian American consciousness but also be a valuable asset to the community. A desire to help the Asian American community is great, but you have to offer something substantial that the community can benefit from. Know what your talents are and exercise them to better the lives of Asian Americans and people in general." (Develop an Asian American Consciousness and Be Damn Good at Something)

"The media has a big fat disconnect with reality. You'd figure that Hollywood (an industry based in California where people of color make up the majority) would have more portrayals of people of color, but there aren't very many beyond African Americans. Hollywood lives in a bubble of it's own creation and exports this idea of a 'whites only' reality to the rest of world. Unfortunately, we as people of color still gladly buy their white supremacist bullshit and perpetuate it." (What the Future Holds)

"Do you know what the difference is between cats and dogs? While both animals behave in accordance with their instincts, a dog accommodates to its master, whereas an owner accommodates to its cat. A cat carries herself as if she were descended from a great heritage: lions and tigers. A cat knows his proud and regal lineage, and let's you know it too.

"A dog is also descended from a great and noble ancestry: wolves. But whereas a cat remembers her heritage, a dog does not. Hence because of this cultural amnesia, he's vulnerable to having his behavior molded to fit the needs and wants of people." (The Difference Between Cats and Dogs)

Flashback: Steve Yeun in Wingmen

2011-11-23T08:52:00.000-08:00

In 2009, I interviewed TV producer Marie Yuen. She produced a television pilot called Wingmen, a sitcom about 5 Asian American men in the Chicago dating scene. A bit like "Sex and the City" with Asian dudes. Hey I'm an Asian dude, and I like "Sex and the City!" Anyway, here's how our interview went:

AA: So tell me, how did this TV show get started?

Marie: A friend of mine and I first started meeting in the spring of 2006 to brainstorm TV series to pitch to the networks. We didn't have any contacts in the industry at that time, so for us at first it was a fun diversion from our everyday lives. After thinking for some months about the shows we were (and weren't) seeing on mainstream TV, "Wingmen" came to us in the fall of 2006 -- and everyone we'd talked to about it got excited because it was nothing they'd seen before on the networks. To some it was empowering because it was our chance to define for mainstream American how we as Asian Americans see ourselves, to let them in on our jokes. And to others it was the opportunity to portray Asian American men as the fun (and at times flawed) three-dimensional guys we know them to be. To showcase them not as the butt of jokes but as jokesters who like to have a good time, just like everyone else.

We wanted a story that would work for the 7 o'clock hour, so that families of all ages could sit together and watch it -- to comment and laugh and argue about the situations and the characters we portrayed. Because as we have heard time and time again, the more specific you write about something, the more universal it is, too. And that as a result we weren't writing for a niche audience, we were writing for all of us.

AA: Now how did you become the producer of this show?

Marie: January 10th, 2007 was the turning point. That was the day we learned of the Chicago Comedy TV Pilot Competition and that spurred us to action because the submission deadline (of the finished DVD) was March 27th, only 2 1/2 months away -- and all we had until then was 70% of a first draft script! So yes, that period was intense but also very satisfying. And I got to write a comedic piece, which I really enjoy.

AA: Is there anyone else involved in this project?

Marie: I have a friend and business partner but she prefers to remain anonymous.

AA: Ooo… sounds like a shadowy figure. Now how did you guys come up with the story for Wingmen?

Marie: The premise for "Wingmen" emerged one night while I was driving to meet some friends of mine for dinner. Earlier that day I had been reading various articles on the internet about different issues and events that were of topmost interest among Asian Americans at that time. So in reaction to that ("Where's the vacuum? What aren't we seeing on TV right now?") came the idea for "Wingmen." I told my friends, who were pretty enthusiastic about it, and they threw questions at me all during dinner about who these 5 guys were (what were their quirks and characteristics, etc), such that by the end of the evening I was raring to go home and start writing. Which I did.

AA: As an Asian American woman, why did you feel it necessary to produce a TV show focusing on Asian American men?

Marie: I have seen first-hand how the portrayal (or at times lack thereof) of Asian and Asian American men has adversely affected the men in my family and I wanted to do something about that. To change things for the better, and hopefully in a way that wouldn't be off-putting or invoke a certain self-defensiveness in non-Asian-Americans. Because comedy is the great leveler, it can be instructional as well as entertaining. And when used in a way that builds bridges and doesn't tear down, comedy can be beautiful. But because comedy is also subjective, even the best of intentions mean nothing if the message received is not at all the message that was sent.

AA: That sounds cool. So what issues does the show touch upon?

Marie: For one thing, that Asian-American men aren't eunuchs or sexless. Because if they were, I wouldn't be here today: I wouldn't exist! For another, there's a wealth of stories that still aren't being told, in mainstream America. The nuances, the subtleties, the understandings and misunderstandings in-on-of-about-to-and-among Asian Americans -- even now, we're just scratching the surface. That's why we made our leads of pan-Asian descent. And that we set our TV series in Chicago is another: because the Midwest has a feel (and a feeling) that is unique from the coasts.

AA: What's the response been to the show?

Marie: The response so far has been good, especially since we still have yet to post our pilot in its entirety for online viewing! And that we were able to raise about 60% of our initial pilot production costs from friends, family, acquaintances and even strangers has been encouraging. Not to mention that of the pilots that were submitted that year (one of the first of its kind in the nation, it has since become an annual event), "Wingmen" was one of the twelve that was accepted into the Chicago Comedy TV Pilot Competition! Sadly we didn't win but we were glad to be named a runner-up. In terms of reach, as of today we've received 3,088 channel views for three of our clips that we have posted onto metacafe.com (Unfortunately, these don't count toward our Producer Rewards Candidacy, so if you can ask those of your readers who haven't yet viewed these clips to use the search engine on MetaCafe to find them -- type in "Wingmen" -- that would be a great help! Also, if all goes well, we should be getting new clips from our pilot posted onto our website Wingmen, the Show by the end of this week.

AA: Now what's the show's future look like?

Marie: Right now, it's hard to say what the future holds for us. Ideally, it would be great if we could sell our series to one of the networks. Of course, that would mean having the pilot reshot -- and since we weren't able to realize everything we'd hoped for in our original pilot, we would be fine with that. But it might be a hard sell (and not for the usual reasons). By trade I am a writer, but until recently not of the television series variety. And as a showrunner (because that's essentially what I am these days, with "Wingmen"), I don't yet have the experience or the street cred, for example, among the WGA (that's the Writer's Guild of America, of which I'm not yet eligible to become a member) or the studios or the networks to manage the caliber of people I would love to have working with me on "Wingmen." There's no way we could accomplish the potential of such a series on our own, and let's face it: producing a series is not cheap. Especially given the survival rate of most freshman series these days. So we would need to pair with someone who could help us through the maze -- to mentor and trust us enough to take that chance. And who would know when to get involved and when to (for lack of a better way of expressing this) stay away.

For the time being, we are still making plans to write and produce more episodes ourselves. As is usually the case, money is the obstacle that is holding us back, but we're taking things one day at a time so hopefully it'll be sooner rather than later.

AA: Well, good luck to you and your crew. Thanks for interviewing!

Marie: Thanks for helping us get the word out!

Yul Kwon

2011-11-22T08:05:00.001-08:00

How To Easily Turn Every Setback Into A Blessing In Disguise

2011-11-21T09:00:00.000-08:00

By PAD

"It was a blessing in disguise..."

I'm sure you've used this to describe a setback in your life. As if it was fate that your girlfriend broke up with you or fate that caused you to get fired from your job all so that better things could fall into place. I use this phrase all the time to describe when things don't exactly play out as planned. Though I may use it, I hate what it assumes. It assumes I had no role in how the scenario turned out. It implies that this myserious force called "fate" is the one to blame or thank.

What if I told you that you can turn every bad situation into a blessing in disguise? I know it's hard to believe but you can create these miracles at will.

If it's so easy why don't more people do it?

It's because everyone likes being the victim and this leads to the first step in turning your setback into a little blessing..

Stop acting like a victim.

I can be your hero baaaaby

Something I've realized in my 25 years on this earth is that roughly 80% of the people I meet tend to have a victim mindset. Most people will wallow in their misery once things don't go their way. Being a victim is easy because you don't have to take responsibility and we all know how frightening responsibility can be. Being responsible requires taking action and we are lazy, plain and simple.

The scariest aspect of having responsibility is that it means being blamed if things don't work out....but why are we assuming things won't work out? Having responsibility also means we get all the fame and glory if things DO work out. Think of how amazing it'll feel to be the hero instead of the victim for once. The first hurdle simply requires a mental shift.

Next, actively look at what possibilities exist.

This is critical. Looking for the good within the bad is especially hard for someone who tends to look at the glass half empty. That's why I stress the word "actively", meaning not letting your natural tendencies dictate everything. Instead, make a real effort. Come up with a list of all the things you can do in your situation. Lost your job? Spend more time actively pursuing your passions. Got dumped or cheated on? Go out, party your ass off, and make out with as many people as you possibly can =) Got into a traumatic car accident? Learn to better appreciate life and create stronger relationships with loved ones. There are an infinite amount of positive opportunities even if your world has been turned upside down.

It is incredibly easy to find the good in every situation because there is always good in everything. All it takes is for you to ACTIVELY look for the possibilities presented in front of you. They do exist.

Lastly, assume responsibility and take active action.

This step is what separates winners from losers because its the hardest to do. That is to TAKE ACTION. It's one thing to recognize the possibilities, it's another to actually make it happen. Assume RESPONSIBILITY and take ACTIVE control (sorry for the excessive use of caps lock but this needs to be hammered in). If you don't assume responsibility or take active action then you might as well have not read this article. Instead, you're better off crying yourself to sleep every night wishing your life was better...Okay maybe not, but you get the idea. Like a lot of aspirations, it'll just be a pipedream. If you want to be able to describe every setback in your life as a blessing in disguise then you have to recognize that you've got the power. Just like Marky Mark =)

Marky Mark said it best

Bruce Lee, The Legend (1977)

2011-11-19T08:46:00.000-08:00

A lot of good archival footage in this documentary.

Awk-ward!

2011-11-15T10:13:00.000-08:00

The Walking Dead - Glenn & Maggie from John 8Asians on Vimeo.

Thanks to John from 8 Asians for pirating this clip from The Walking Dead, a show I got my wife hooked on. I haven't read the graphic novel on which this show is based on, but from what I understand, Glenn is portrayed as a survivalist in the graphic novel, not some zombie bait errand boy shopping for feminine hygiene products. I also understand that Glenn and Maggie's relationship is explored in more detail in the graphic novel.

Somehow this awkward love scene reminded me of another awkward scene with another Asian male TV character, Ensign Kim from Star Trek Voyager. The media always shows sex and romance with Asian men as awkward, huh? I think we all know the answer why the media does this.

How To Take The First Step Towards Perfection

2011-11-14T00:47:00.000-08:00

By PAD

Man, it can be lonely at the top...

I was out the other night for one of the Perfect Asian Dudes' girlfriend's birthday party. It was a spur of the moment thing. I wasn't familiar with her social circle so nearly everyone there was unfamiliar to me. My friend and I got to introducing ourselves and chatting up her friends for most the night. A good time overall. I talked with old friends, made new friends, took advantage of the $1 drinks, infiltrated a group of hot pharmacy students, and effortlessly got a number. Even with all the makings of a great night I still went home with a sense of uneasiness. The great time was trumped by a realization I had....most guys are effin' lame excuse-making little babies. Let me explain...

The past few years I've lived by a certain code. I decided that I wouldn't let negativity into my world. Part of following the code meant I had to surround myself with amazing people, and that's exactly what I did. I spend all my time between my family or amazingly positive fun people. In doing so, you tend to forget how "real" people are.

So when I got to mingling, I was once again brought to reality. I was introduced to two PUDs (Pretty Ugly Dudes I like to jokingly call them). Naturally, whenever a PAD talks to a PUD, the PUD recognizes the PAD status and ends up asking for advice. As always, we're happy to impart our knowledge onto these lost souls.

The first guy we met was overweight and claimed to have "tried everything" to get fit. He claims to work out 2.5 hours a day (total nonsense). As we gave him advice on how we stay so godly, we heard excuse after excuse. We would say "Don't eat carbs", he would reply "I can't live without rice". When we say, "We only work out three days a week", he would say "You guys have good genetics". He didn't want to believe it was possible for him to lose weight.

The second PUD we talked to was having girl problems (I feel bad for you son) and claims to only date the best of the best. I didn't know why seeing as how he was a total chump. He is apparently dating/talking to a hot blond and is in competition with another guy for her heart. We go on about how he needs to go for the gold. Stop playing games and stop trying to be "Mr. I'm Too Cool" because "Mr. I'm Too Cool" loses out on a lot of opportunities. We tell him to send her a sweet flirty text and he proceeds to give us tons of resistance just on that small suggestion. He then goes on a five minute rant about how he doesn't want to change.

This is what put me in a mental funk. Men aren't men these days. They can be as stubborn as children.

Both cases were similar in that they could both improve upon their situations yet they automatically disqualified themselves from the start. One guy blaming his genetics and work hours, while the other stating he doesn't want to change and pretends to be completely happy with himself. People are resistant to change because they can't be honest with themselves. Being honest, means admitting your flaws. Instead, the easy route is to act like a helpless victim. The easy route ends up being the route of inaction. They allowed themselves to fall into their situations and aren't man enough to own up to it. Owning up would require making a change and we all know making excuses is much easier.

I hear it's a great read

This laziness is a result of the ego (aka our kryptonite). It's the reason PUDs exist in this world. Once you learn to master your ego, your life will dramatically improve. To conquer it requires recognizing it. Every time you find yourself being held back by internal dialogue, think to yourself, "Is my ego stopping me from doing this?" In one form or another the answer is always yes. Learn to ask yourself this question a lot but more importantly, learn to bypass the ego by taking action and doing what you want. If you're overweight, it is your ego denying the fact that you need to take drastic steps towards a healthier you. If you're afraid to ask the hot blonde out on a date, it is your ego keeping you from doing so because it wants to be protected from harm. The more you make yourself aware of this, the more you will realize how meaningless your ego can be.

You see, when you're a Perfect Asian Dude, you don't think like everyone else. We live by taking risks, not making excuses, being positive, and taking direct control of our lives. We forget that the rest of the world is not like that, so it's natural to get a little jaded. A PAD is someone who is never truly satisfied. They check their pride at the door and are on a constant mission to improve all areas of their life. That mindset is the only thing that allows them to grab the bull of life by the balls.

Stop making excuses for yourself and start taking action towards a more perfect you. The first step towards being a Perfect Asian Dude is admitting you're not =P

I think I've been brainwashed...

2011-11-12T21:37:00.000-08:00

Apparently this is how I see older Asian-Americans......

Last week I was holding the door open for a Chinese family behind me at the Chinese community center I go to for my art lessons. There were two adorable girls wearing leotards that had just finished with their ballet lessons running behind me, eager to get into the car so they could go home. I recognized the mother from when I was walking to the bathroom to wash the paint from my hands. She was watching her kids and had that nostalgic look on her face. I thought her expression was beautiful. When I was coming back to the studio, I saw her practicing pirouettes in the corner of the room.

I let their kids run past by me and the two parents raced out as well, trying to catch up to their kids. They looked back, smiled and said "Thank you!" in unison, in perfect English. I've been averaging about 4 hours of sleep a day for the past two months so I may or may not have been in the right state of mind, but it amazed me that they spoke without an accent. I know that ABC's are around and hell, you're all over the interwebz but for some reason it never crossed my mind that I would actually bump into one in real life. Maybe it has to do with the fact that I'm so engrossed in the Vietnamese community where there's mostly fobs and that most of the first generation born here are around my age. Who knows, but it's still strange for me when I meet an Asian-American in their thirties or older that speaks fluent English- almost alien, really.

9 hairstyles for Asian guys

2011-11-12T08:26:00.001-08:00

Harold and Kumar--Still Breaking Stereotypes?

2011-11-03T07:29:00.000-07:00

There was an article in last week's Washington Post about the upcoming Harold and Kumar Christmas movie. The reporter decided to focus on the media stereotypes of Asians in the movies and how the H&K movies go against the grain and reflect the humanity of the characters, and gets past the fact they are Asian Americans.

An excerpt:

“The feature market has gotten tougher in general, there are less features being made, and the kind that get made are big pictures, superhero movies,” says Cho, who was also a series regular in last year’s “Flash Forward.” “They need to be more conservative, take fewer chances. I think TV is willing to take more chances. Perhaps it has to do with the fragmenting of the market; there are so many more channels than there used to be, and to distinguish themselves they have to make more interesting choices...."

The bottom line? Cho believes that the success of the H&K films shows the studios that “it’s not the public that doesn’t want to see Asian faces. The public is a lot less conservative than [the studios] think they are.”

Crush the Skull

2011-10-31T19:51:00.000-07:00

NOTORIOUS MSG - RED TONIGHT [OFFICIAL MUSIC VIDEO]

2011-10-28T08:41:00.001-07:00

Book Review: Secret Maps of the Ancient World

2011-10-25T20:30:00.000-07:00

I was watching the show Ancient Aliens, and in one episode they noted how ancient cultures from opposite sides of the globe shared some common traits despite being hemispheres apart. Although I'm a fan of the show and the ancient astronaut theory, I never take what they say too seriously. One problem with ancient astronaut theorists is that they downplay the ingenuity of ancient peoples. Here's what David Hatcher Childress said about a Mayan statue at minute 5:35 of the video:

This is one of the curious dragon sculptures here at Copan, of which there are many. In fact, these very Oriental statues would look right in place in China or some other Oriental country. Some archeologists believe that there are elephants on either side of this Copan ruler. So why would there be here in Copan such Asian motifs such as elephants and dragons in a place in Central America that is so far away from China and Southeast Asia? Is there some kind of extraterrestrial connection between the Mayans and the Chinese and origin for both that comes from the stars?

So what conclusion did these ancient alien theorists come up with? That aliens facilitated pre-Columbian transpacific contact with flying saucers and that the Chinese and the Mayans are descended from aliens.

We're aliens?! No wonder Asians are so smart!

What's more likely? That aliens abducted ancient Chinese and dropped them off in the Mayan empire, or that the Chinese and other Asians built ships and explored and settled in the Americas before Columbus? People would rather believe in ancient aliens than Gavin Menzies' modest theory that the Chinese discovered America in 1421.

But there is overwhelming evidence that the ancient Chinese and other Asians explored and settled the Americas for thousands of years, long before Columbus. That's the topic of Charlotte Harris Rees' book Secret Maps of the Ancient World:

Charlotte's father, Hendon Harris Jr., owned several old Asian maps which depicted the world and named America as Fusang. The oldest of these maps is dated to the Ming Dynasty (1368-1644 A.D.). These maps, however, are replicas of a much older map, which accompanied the ancient text Shan Hai Jing. This was a 32 volume book that detailed Chinese expeditions all over the world at the time of the Xia dynasty (2000-1520 B.C.). Harris' maps were studied for three years at the Library of Congress and then were moved to a secure location.

Since the book is titled Secrets Maps of the Ancient World, one would expect to find lots of pictures of the Hendon Harris maps themselves in full color and detail. That, however, is not the case. What few pictures there are of the maps are in black and white and are small in size. Unless you're a historical cartographer who can read Chinese, then you won't know if the maps are overwhelming evidence.

Nevertheless, this is a fascinating book which does compile every bit of evidence out there that the Chinese and other Asians had been coming to and settling in the Americas for thousands of years prior to Columbus and prior to Zheng He. Maps by themselves are often subject to interpretation, but it is very hard to argue against the preponderance of circumstantial evidence from several different fields of study: cartography, ancient texts, common cultural practices, out of place artifacts, architecture, agriculture, maritime technology, cultural motifs, oceanography, microbiology and genetics.

In fact, Rees compiles so much evidence that the book really becomes more of a laundry list of evidence rather than a critical analysis. There are other books than provide a more in-depth analysis of the evidence for Chinese in pre-Columbian America, but they tend to focus on a specific topic. For example, Nu Sun by Gunnar Thompson focuses on common cultural motifs between the Shang dynasty Chinese and the Mayans.

So why was there a Chinese presence in Mayan society? There are different theories as to how the Chinese influenced Mayan civilization, but the one theory that diffusionists subscribe to is that at the fall of the Shang Dynasty in 1122 B.C. a quarter of a million Chinese left China by ship and sailed east to avoid persecution. These ships followed the ocean currents which led them to the Americas.

Now there is some debate as to whether these Chinese were assimilated into Mayan culture or into the Olmec culture, which is the mother culture to all ancient Meso-American cultures, including the Mayans. Archeologists have found Chinese writings at Olmec sites. The Olmecs, like the Chinese, were quite fond of jade, despite the fact that there were no jade quarries in Mexico.

What is clear is that some of these ancient American civilizations seem to have popped up in full bloom. In other words, the Olmecs and Mayans developed a very high level of cultural sophistication in a relatively short period of time. The foremost expert on pre-Columbian cultures Professor Walter Krickeberg characterized it this way:

"The oldest advanced American civilizations appear on the scene seemingly without roots, without preliminary stages: the Olmec culture in Mesoamerica, the Chavin culture in Andean countries. This remarkable phenomenon can be satisfactorily explained only if we assume one or more impulses that worked on America from the outside. Otherwise it is difficult to understand how primitive circumstances could have endured for 15,000 to 20,000 years with few changes, and then within a span of 2000 to 3000 years storm through the whole series of stages up to advanced civilization. In the case of the two oldest advance American cultures, there is not even a trace of this ascent: suddenly they are simply there."

Could this outside cultural impulse on ancient Meso-American cultures be ancient aliens? I think not.

Word on the Street: Anal?

2011-10-22T09:37:00.000-07:00

Not safe for work.

Cung Le vs. Wanderlei Silva

2011-10-21T09:15:00.000-07:00

How great leaders inspire action

2011-10-20T21:00:00.000-07:00

White House State Dinner

2011-10-18T08:41:00.000-07:00

Last week, President Obama held a White House State Dinner for South Korean President Lee Myung-Bak. Some of the White House guests for the dinner:

Dr. Peter Rhee (Congresswoman Gabrielle Gifford's trauma surgeon) and his wife Emily.

The classical music trio, the Ahn sisters.

Actor John Cho, looking a little nervous---maybe he needed his buddy Kal Penn.

Innovative chef David Chang, owner of the New York restaurant Momofuku.

The Philadelphia Asian Film Festival

2011-10-18T06:49:00.000-07:00

Some notable films from the Philadelphia Asian Film Festival, running November 2-8, 2011.

Private Danny Chen

2011-10-16T09:46:00.000-07:00

Steven Ho Teaches Conan Crotch Kicks

2011-10-13T15:34:00.001-07:00

Fucking A-M-A-Z-I-N-G

2011-10-08T02:46:00.000-07:00

To mojorider:

You know..being with her was one hell of an experience for me. I had already learned the value of the dollar from my job, but I guess my time with her taught me that it was good to have a steady income as well as having enough reserve. Also it's really weird knowing that (in maybe 10 years) I want to get married...but that doesn't really bother me too much. It's nice having goals, right?

As for goals right now, I just really want to finish school and get my job as soon as I can. Of course, once I enter grad school I'm not going to have any time whatsoever to do anything besides study so before I get in I want to work on becoming a "better" person. Most of the pharmacists I work with have already settled down and have kids and they're always telling me how they wished they could have done more when I was my age.

Interests: I grew up as a "tiger" kid in a competitive Asian parental environment. I took seven years of art and ten years of piano. Being the shy kid I was, I was hypersensitive to the "Oh how's your son? My daughter just had a recital and she was so good!" statements and such. By the time I was a teenager I was disillusioned by all the praise that I got. I wasn't sure if it was genuine or if it was because they wanted to use me to set up so they could brag about their own kids. My freshman year of high school I quit everything. I never bothered to take the time to practice piano and every time I took up a paintbrush it felt like I was doing chores. About a year ago however, I realized that I was no longer confined to what my parents wanted me to draw or play and that I was free to do WHATEVER I want. When I realized that, I got my old "Fly me to the Moon" sheet music and tried to play it on the guitar. I found a picture online that I wanted to buy, but it was $22 for an 8 x 10 inch copy and thought to myself "Screw that! I'll just draw it myself!"

Financial security: Like I said earlier, it's kind of weird knowing that some day I want to get married and maybe eventually have kids. I guess as a guy, I feel the need to be the bread maker. I'm not normally a frugal person, but one time my ex and I ran away to San Francisco for Christmas for three days. We got ourselves a nice room at the Ramada Inn, went on a shopping spree and ate at all kinds of restaurants. I had already saved up a good sum of money for a car and a large chunk of that was gone in the blink of an eye. When we decided to come back home, my stomach was churning from all of the money we spent. I was thinking to myself the entire trip back "Man... I gotta get more of this green stuff!" but I was happy because we had a great time and it was the first time in my life where I was completely independent and I was able to do all the things I could because of the money I had. When I realized that, I didn't hate work as much as used to.

Fitness: Dude! I work in a pharmacy. I get hassled by vicodin and oxy addicts on a daily basis. I've seen what happens first hand when you abuse yourself too much and I want nothing to do with it. I have morbidly obese customers who suffer from extreme asthma and diabetes. Sometimes I have customers who walk up to my counter who are heaving, gasping for breath and sweating profusely and honestly, it grosses me out so much. On top of that, my father is taking 10+ kinds of medications for his diabetes, high cholesterol and high blood pressure. My dad had a heart attack when I was a toddler and the doctor told him he only had about ten years to live and so my parents decided that having another kid wasn't in their best interest. Don't take it the wrong way, my dad's a pretty fit guy for his age and considering his conditions (that doctor was dead wrong). He's 71 and can go on the tread mill for about an hour and a half. We have a wooden doll out back and I've been practicing with it for about a year and whenever I test how hard my forearms have gotten with him, it feels like he's smashing my arms with a lead pipe. Having said that, it still scares the hell out of me knowing that I have a strong history of medical conditions and when you work with pills all day, the last thing you want to be doing is taking them.

Self awareness: This is probably the hardest thing for me to respond to. I'm still not exactly sure who I am and what my "real purpose" is for and I haven't met a "perfect" role model for me, though I have met enough important people in my life that I don't want to let down. I'm barely in my 20's so I guess it's still socially acceptable. I will say that after my three years of working in retail I have met a bunch of assholes that I never want to become. I mean seriously, the general public is full of pricks and it's given me a pretty cynical outlook on the majority of people- or at least when I'm at work. One of them is a middle-aged, Asian male relief pharmacist that I like to call the "40 year old virgin"' Seriously, if he's not a virgin, he needs to get laid. Bad. This guy has such low self-esteem that he has to pick on me so he can feel better about himself. He asks me questions like "So... how many girls have you given your credit card number to?" Seriously? Dude... I am less than half your age and you're trying to make fun me? How many girls have you given your credit card number to? Some people tell me he has a dry sense of humor, but judging by the way he looks at me, I doubt he's just trying to be funny. He also has a best friend whom is another relief, we'll call her Amy Tan and we'll talk more about her later. She's constantly asking other people if they know any "Short, Asian, around 30 year old women" and whenever I hear her asking that I'm thinking to myself "You just described a gold digger... how many other types of women that fit your description (or ANY woman whatsoever) want to date someone 10+ years older with no charisma or self-esteem whatsoever? (Sorry... I had to work with him too many times this past month and I'm just blowing off steam =X) But the most important thing that I want to say is that if I never got my job in the first place and never learned the social skills that led up to meeting that special someone, I may have well be on the path to becoming him. And that scares the shit out of me.

to Alpha:

Passion: I think the best quote that's inspired me to do all the things I do is "You can't force someone to love you, you can only be someone that can be loved." - Anonymous. I'm a pretty short guy so I got the short end of the stick of the gene pool- I don't have any other choice than to build charisma if I'm going to attract people. Besides the creative arts, my family is pretty involved with martial arts as well. My father practiced Kung Fu and Judo and my *surrogate* mother did Tae Kwan Do (One style from each of the ancient Asian powers). My family Kung Fu style actually has ties to Emperor Chin. I may not look as threatening, but it's nice to know that I can handle myself if someone tries to jump me. Also it's nice being part of a family legacy that I can be proud of. I like being able to do the things that I can. I've finally learned that It's okay to show off every once in awhile- as long as you don't shove it down other peoples' throats.

Dealing with racism: I think I've gotten over putting up with racist customers when they try to make fun of me. I can either come up with some smartass remark or I could just call a manager or security to just kick them out of the store. No need to waste excess energy on those kinds of people. The thing that I can't stand though is the looks that they give you. I get a few customers from out of state every once in a while. Some are from the midwest or the south and I don't know if I'm just being paranoid or if males are more susceptible to open racism. but they always give me this stare like they hate me so much. Of course, I just give them a vapid smile and the stare just intensifies but you know what? I don't care anymore because I'm not as pissed off as they are. There's another time when I was in Houston, Texas I had a broken leg and was on crutches and I was walking around with my family and I was getting those same stares (so maybe I'm not paranoid? Or maybe they've never seen an Asian on crutches.) We went to an IHOP and the waitress just gaped at me. I fucking hate that look. You can kick someone out of your place if they say something rude to you, but you can't always retaliate when someone gives you a dirty look. The bottom line is that I think you have the right idea: I want to be so good at the things I do that no one will question me. I want to be awesome. Not just that- I want to be bad-ass super special motherfucking A-M-A-Z-I-N-G because who wants a racists respect? If you can force them to acknowledge that you're not someone they want to fuck with, then you've won.

Thanks again for the advice guys.

One Man Army

2011-10-06T14:29:00.000-07:00

I've been watching a cool show on the Discovery Channel called One Man Army. It's a reality game show where military operatives, law enforcement and others compete in a series of tests on speed, strength and intelligence. Tests can include breaking through 5 walls with a sledgehammer, unlocking 5 safes and assembling their contents into a 9mm handgun while hanging upside down, sawing your way out of a locked underwater tank or breaking out of a prison cell. The winner gets a cash prize and the title "One Man Army."

Now in modern society, the specialist reigns supreme. You don't have to be a generalist, a one man army, in order to survive or to be successful. You can specialize in a specific skill set and as long as your skill set is in high demand, you can make a living off of it. But when civilization collapses and the zombie apocalypse arrives, the generalist, the one man army will reign supreme.

What's better than a one man army? A two man army, of course, provided that both men are competent, intelligent and work well as a team. What's better than a two man army?

Well, you get the picture. The bottom line is that teams tend to do better than individuals, provided that everyone in the group is on the same page. The larger the tribe, the more manpower you have. But if the members of your tribe don't have the will to fight, then you don't have much of an army.

When I was a kid I used to read a lot of comics and I used to watch a lot of martial arts movies. If you're Batman, Superman or Bruce Lee, then you literally are a one man army, capable of defeating many men.

These two genres (comics and martial arts movies) had a very profound effect on me, because the themes of revenge and justice pop up frequently. Given that I grew up bearing the brunt of a lot of Sinophobic racism, these themes appealed to me. The X-men saga, for instance, is a metaphor and a veiled commentary on racial and ethnic persecution. Class struggles and racial injustices were prevalent themes in a lot of the kung fu movies of the 70's.

There was one thing though that really frustrated me about martial arts movies. They always had stories where the townspeople or small business owners or the Chinese were being oppressed by a small group of thugs, racists or corrupt government officials. It wasn't the story lines that I found frustrating, but the idea that the oppressed, despite having greater numbers, weren't willing to unite and fight. They always relied on the protagonist, the one man army, to save them.

I think this occurs a lot in real life. Most people don't want to fight. They don't want to be the one to stand out and get hammered down. And yet this fear of acting, this fear of doing the right thing, is what paralyzes the masses. I've met plenty of people who bitch about getting a raw deal, but I haven't run into many people who stand up and take action.

What's better than a one man army. An army of many willing to fight.

Asian Athletes In The News: Paul Kariya and Richard Park

2011-10-03T07:56:00.000-07:00

Hockey season is about to start. It's taken a really chilly turn here in the DC area, we barely got up to 52° yesterday. But it has that kind of hockey weather feel, though, in the area. During this summer, NHL player Paul Kariya retired after 15 seasons as a left winger. He missed the entire season last year due to concussion problems. And unfortunately for hockey fans, Kariya’s career came to an end because of those problems. He wisely chose to retire from the game rather than try to continue on and risk further brain damage. ESPN.com had some harrowing details by columnist Pat Burnside about his brain injury that I don’t think most hockey fans were aware of. Burnside writes:

"Highly skilled and a stickler for details big and small when it came to preparation, Kariya became a cautionary tale even before the NHL had turned its attention to keeping its best players safe. Kariya suffered his first concussion in 1996 and another in 1998.

Mark Lovell, one of the continent's top concussion doctors and a man familiar with NHL players, told Kariya last season that the forward suffered brain damage and wasn't able to play.

"He said to me, 'No one in my profession would clear you to play this season,' " Kariya recalled.

Lovell also told Kariya that if it had been up to him, he would have suggested Kariya retire right then and there.

"I was shocked," Kariya said.

Even this past spring -- when Kariya was feeling better and teams were calling to see whether he might be available for a late-season run or perhaps for the 2011-12 season -- Lovell told Kariya he was in no position to play.

Kariya began working with Dr. Daniel Amen, one of the NFL's leading post-concussion experts. After five months of hyperbaric chambers and other workout regimens, Kariya jumped from the 20th to the 80th percentile in brain function….

Kariya, a left wing, was the fourth overall pick of the Anaheim Ducks in 1993 after a phenomenal college career that saw him win the Hobey Baker Award as a freshman at the University of Maine (the award is annually given out to the top NCAA men’s hockey player).

He and Teemu Selanne, acquired from Winnipeg in February 1996, became one of the most dynamic duos in the NHL, helping to establish the Ducks as a player in the California sports scene.

He had 989 career points (402 goals, 587 assists) in 989 regular-season games and was a two-time winner of the Lady Byng Trophy. He also represented Team Canada at the 1994 and 2002 Olympics, winning a gold medal in 2002.”

It’s unfortunate that his career came to an end too early, but his health and well being far outweighs any return as a player. What a role model for any Asian Canadian or Asian American kids wanting to pursue hockey. All the best to Paul---I would’ve loved to have seen him on the Washington Capitals.

And Richard Park is back from playing in the elite Switzerland hockey leage, signing a one year contract with the Pittsburgh Penguins in September, a team that he was originally drafted by. Unfortunately, he plays for the rival of my Washington Capitals team. It's good to see Park back in the NHL. According to the Pittsburgh Tribune:

"Coach Dan Bylsma has liked what he's seen from Richard Park during training camp so far. 'I think the intelligence and work ethic he plays the game with is extremely high,' Bylsma said. 'You see that in different situations. Faceoffs, penalty kills, moving in different spots and all of that. Left wing, right wing, center, he's a guy that can do that.' He is competing for a spot on the opening day roster".

I hope to see him do well, but not against my Caps team!

Asian F

2011-10-03T06:15:00.001-07:00

Augmented Reality Martial Arts

2011-10-02T05:20:00.001-07:00

My Reading List

2011-09-30T11:32:00.000-07:00

I've been pretty busy the last few months or so. Haven't been motivated to write up an original blog post, something that isn't a video. A lot of random thoughts pop up in my head and I think, "That'd be an interesting blog post topic."

But I just haven't had any motivation to want to write anything up. Byron over at Big WoWo found an interesting factoid, that men lose 30% of their T when they become a dad. Which makes sense, because a father needs to calm down and not be reckless. Too much T makes you reckless and irresponsible. Not good for a father with kids.

On the flip side, however, I just haven't had any motivation to do anything with my free time. I'm working on another strength training book, but aside from that I just spend my free time reading and watching TV.

I spend a lot of time with my family, of course. By the way, I've noticed that once you have a daughter, you become a feminist.

They say write about what you know, and all I know these days are books and TV. So I thought I'd provide a cross section of some notable books that piqued my interest over the past year.

Books

Forbidden Archeology by Michael Cremo

Guns, Germs and Steel by Jared Diamond

Self-Made Man by Norah Vincent

The 6,000 Year-Old Spacesuit by Vaughn Greene

48 Laws of Power by Robert Greene

Shortcomings by Adrian Tomine

The Vitamin D Solution by Michael Holick

The Longevity Project by Howard Friedman and Leslie Martin

Day of Empire by Amy Chua

Area 51 by Annnie Jacobsen

The Men Who Stare at Goats by Jon Ronson

Firefly

2011-09-20T22:28:00.001-07:00

"I don't get it," she confessed, as she got out of the shower.

"Get what?"

"You said you hated your job. Why would you go further into the profession?" She had the cutest wrinkle in her brow as she climbed into bed.

"I like the fat pay check."

"But every time I ask you about work you just scowl and bitch about how much you hate your customers! And since when did you care about money so much?"

I chuckled to myself. "I haven't complained about work in months. Not since we were official- or not since the first month, at least." I shifted to my side to face her. "Remember when we ran away for Christmas?"

She slid a hand behind my head and grabbed a fistful of hair and gave me a kiss. "How could I not? Best. Three nights. Evuhrr... you could have gotten a motel instead though... "

"Yeah, but their beds wouldn't have been as nice, though," I said as I dived in for a kiss.

"Touché....but what about our little escapade?"

My iTunes started playing this song:

"Oh... I love this song..." she started humming along.

"Yeah... it's a good song to dance to. Wanna have a go?"

"Honey.. its fucking three o'clock in the morning... and besides, I'm too worn out for that."

"Haha yeah.. come to think of it, I don't feel like getting out of bed for the next....while- I'm probably going to be really sore at work tomorrow..."

Her face brightened as she came up with an idea. "Well... we could at least cuddle and pretend like we're dancing, can't we?" She slid both her arms around my neck as I draped mine across her waist.

Side note: I remember being amazed at that time how a girl's waist could fit so perfectly around a guy's arm... it was like God made women's torso's for the sole intention of having a man's arm wrapped around it- or maybe God made arms to be wrapped around waists....ANYWAYS....

"You know... I wasted a good chunk of my savings account that weekend..."

"Yeah... I know," she said as she gave me a petty kiss on the cheek. "You maxed out your credit after paying for our room and buying me my jacket- which I still LOVE by the way..."

"So yeah... who cares if I don't like it? If it means I can spoil you whenever I want then so be it."

"What if I get too spoiled?"

"You have more sense than that. And besides, I still remember the look you had when I bought that jacket for you. I've never seen so much guilt and happiness plastered onto anyone's face at the same time like that."

Our faces had gotten so close together that I could feel the heat radiating from her as she blushed. "Dork!" She punched my chest a few times. Silence. "I want to dance to this song at my wedding...."

"You'd be so beautiful my head would explode."

"Dork." Our foreheads touched and we moved in for another kiss. Kiss. Eskimo kiss. Kiss.

"You know... ever since we came home from Christmas...I've been thinking a lot...."

"Yeah?"

"Well.. it's not that bad, I guess. The money's good and I barely have to take any work home so I don't have to waste too much of my time stressing about it. I just have to put up with people's shit while I'm there."

"But you still have to put up with assholes."

"Yeah... but when I go home and I see your face, I can think to myself....'Worth it.'" Our eyes meet and we smile fondly at another.

"You're too good for me..." She says as she breaks the gaze and looks down.

"What are you talking about? You're the one that took me in." I squeeze her... I'm not sure if it was because I wanted to comfort her or to comfort myself. Maybe a little of both.

"You sure it wasn't the other way around?" she inquired.

"Well.. what's it matter? I think we've straightened out pretty well."

"You've straightened out. What am I supposed to do while you're gone? I can only take care of the house for so long y'know..."

"God I hope you're joking about the house work. I was thinking.. maybe like a part-time job?"

"Doing what? I refuse to be a bag girl or anything like that."

"You have a Bachelor's don't you?"

"Of course! But... I...just don't know..."

"Well... shoot. I'm sorry I made things so complicated for you. I just wanted to make things work out," I said as I brushed my thumb across her cheek.

"I know... I know..."she said as she clasped the hand that was on her face. "It's just... my parents..."

Uh oh.

"They pulled some strings.... and now I'm enrolled in some prestigious school in Korea..."

Silence.

"Well.. do you want to go?"

"Sort of... I'm not sure. But whenever you talk about going to pharmacy school... it makes me want kind of want to get my act together too y'know?"

"Hey... I am far from getting my act together... and besides, it's all thanks to you."

"Well... right back at'cha honey...."

We didn't say anything for a while. We didn't need to. Enjoying each other's warm was enough. But something keeps nagging at me....

"So... when are you going to leave?"

She hesitated. "Soon...."

I squeezed her again, still not sure whom I was trying to comfort.

"Hey... you know it's hard for me to say this, but...." I choked.

"I know... 'saranghamnida'...." her tears burned my face, but I still accepted her lips. How could I not?

*************************************************************************************

I had to leave early in the morning to get ready for work. I tried calling during my lunch, but the call went straight to voice mail. I went to visit her after work. After I knocked on the door, her roommate opened and told me that she had left for the airport right around the time that I started work. Soon had never been more of an understatement.

Obviously there was no way that I could reach her with my phone. I tried to message her on Facebook, but she deleted her profile. I tried emailing, but no response. I talked to her roommate but she said she hadn't responded to anything either. She never even sign on to AIM anymore.

I asked my Korean friends what "saranghamnida" meant since I thought "I love you" was "sarang hae". Well... apparently it was a more formal version of that. One even told me that it was used on only two occasions: On your wedding day, and on your death bed.

Well... shit.

But all in all... the way that I could describe our state of minds at our chance meeting was that I was an implosion, while she was an explosion. Somewhere along the way, we balanced each other out and you can call me a hopeless romantic, but I think that we mutually meant something to each other, despite her actions. I think that she just needed some alone time to figure herself out more. If we ever meet again when we're full-fledged responsible adults and we were both in the position where it was possible to start off again, I would do it in a heart beat.

************************************************************************************

Hey guys! Obviously this is NOT a post by the alpha-asian or the mojorider. I'm that whiny kid whom wrote that email and I thought that I would start my first post by responding to the first two points that James answered me: Love and Monetary Stability.

So... when was the first time that you*realistically* started seeing yourself and your partner in the future?

Sexy Quirky Love: Podcast with Leonardo Lam

2011-09-19T06:11:00.000-07:00

Actor Leonardo Lam and Giant Robot's Eric Nakamura talk about pickup lines.

The Slanted Screen

2011-09-17T13:24:00.000-07:00

Puppy Love

2011-09-14T03:30:00.001-07:00

Reader Mail: Getting My Act Together

2011-09-07T13:12:00.000-07:00

A couple of months ago I started reading your blog. I was taking an English class whose theme was "identity," and it sort of sparked some of my interest in ethnic studies. My first year of college I didn't really know what I wanted to do and was scrambling for classes, and I stumbled upon and really got into ethnic studies.

But after becoming an Angry Asian Man for about a year, I was pretty much fed up with it and decided to switch into cultural anthropology. Since then I was getting into The Daily Show and Colbert Report, and I realized that I was interested in people in general and that ethnic studies was such a narrow window to a broader spectrum, but I digress...

Anyways, it's pretty late and I'm too sleep deprived to make a clever segway to what I wanted to say, which is to ask when did you get your act together? You seem pretty well off and happy about your job/life.

Myself, I'm going to be choosing a job that I'm not so sure about: pharmacy. I've been a pharmacy technician at a retail pharmacy chain for about 3 years now, and during my first year I floated at at store which was near a gated community as well as across the street from a retirement home.

I don't know if it's me being paranoid or not, but I get a lot of blank/angry stares from rich and/or old white people. Once I was working on some prescriptions and this old war vet with a Vietnam War Vet hat on was staring at me like he hated me so much, and I asked him if he needed any help with anything. I swear to God he looked at me right in the eye and said "I killed your dad in Nam!" and I was f*cking stunned. Good thing it wasn't my home store. What scares me is that that store is actually around 10 minutes from where I live. I mean WTF?

There was another time at my own store a usual customer (who was sometimes a jackass but never seemed racist) told me to go "learn some good English." That pissed me off so much that I couldn't see straight, and I literally had to hold onto the counter so I couldn't lose my balance.

But a year after I met one of the most beautiful women ever, and I somewhat realized that I wanted to be the bread maker in the relationship. Once I realized that, I wasn't as tired at work as I used to be. But yeah. These past few years I've finally felt like I've come out of my shell a bit. I'm scrambling to get my act together so I can get into pharmacy school, but at the same time trying to enrich myself by painting, drawing, and trying to work on my skills with women. You'd think someone that works mostly with women would be good at talking to them right?

What I'm scared though is that when I finally get into pharmacy school in a year or two I'll be pretty much spending all of my time trying to get my pharmacy license, and I'll have lost my momentum that I've gained in the past few years. I'm actually skipping a lot of parts that I'm talking about, but I've realized that this is pretty much one giant paragraph but it's almost 3 in the morning, so sorry if it seems like there's some bit holes missing. So yeah. When did you get your act together?

- Pharma Tech

My Answer: Do I have my act together? My wife would scoff at that idea and remind me that if I had not met her, I would be lying in a ditch drunk as a skunk lamenting, "Cruel world... WHY???!!!!"

Seriously though, it was the culmination of a number of key changes in my life:

1) Getting married to my beautiful wife. I really would have been lying in a proverbial ditch had I not met her. Settling down with someone grounds you. Marriage kicks in a series of events which stabilize your life. You get a house. You have kids. You stick to a good paying job instead of drifting as a free agent.

Plus when you've resolved yourself to settling down with one person, it frees up a lot of time and energy that you spend on women. You're married, you're having sex regularly, so you're not thinking about banging every hot lady in sight. When you take sex out of the equation when dealing with other women, all of a sudden you have the time to develop a cure for cancer. The blood that was trapped down there when you were dating around now flows up to your brain. You can now actually focus on an activity without going "SHWING!" every five seconds.

Keep in mind that marriage only works if you're both on the same page. If you don't want the same things in life, or if neither of you are supportive of each other's dreams, then the marriage is going to end in divorce or worse: you're stuck in an unhappy marriage. But if you have a loving and supportive wife, then you're mentally and emotionally free to do achieve anything.

2) Getting a stable career. You can't put a ring on her finger and get married unless you have a stable career, right? If you go into pharmacy, then you should be earning some big bucks. Money is not everything, of course, but it sure does help.

There's this notion that your career should be your passion and that if they are not one and the same, then you failed and you're not happy. But there are very few people that I know whose job was truly their passion. Most Asians I know are the product of Tiger parenting and got a traditional stable high-paying career.

Are they happy? More or less, because they have the money to indulge their passions on the weekends. This is why you get so many Asians generating content on the Internet. The Internet allows you to indulge your passions part-time. You can build a business, write a book, sing on YouTube and not have to quit your day job.

Now don't get me wrong. If you hate a job, then there is no point in sticking with it. But if the biggest flaw of the job is that it's boring, then take the money and run. It's funding your lifestyle.

3) Weightlifting. Speaking of passions, weightlifting has been my passion for some time. I've always been a skinny guy, so when my friend introduced me to the gym, I took to weightlifting like a fish to water. The activity challenged and developed me in so many different aspects: physically, emotionally and intellectually. You become physically bigger and stronger. You become mentally stronger, because you must exercise self-discipline to train.

People also see you differently, because let's face it: people respect strength. They don't respect vanity, and people see bodybuilders who develop bloated cartoonish physiques as narcissistic. But if your forearms look like they can rip a phone book in half, then people tend not to mess with you.

Like all love affairs, my passion for weightlifting evolved over time. Once you become a master of something, you can only learn so much after that. You keep up your love for the sport by teaching others. So my passion for weightlifting transformed into a different passion: teaching and writing.

The bottom line is if you are an expert in something people give a damn about, then you will have followers from all walks of life, all creeds and colors. This is what made Bruce Lee so universally loved and admired. People of all colors recognize and acknowledge supreme skill. They may not respect your race or ethnicity, but they will respect your talent.

4) Dealing with racism. I wish there was something I could tell you to lessen the sting of dealing with racist fucktards, but there isn't. There are racist fucktards no matter where you go, and they always blindside you with their racist micro-aggressions when you least expect it.

I always have the same all-purpose answer to whatever racist comment or act I encounter:

"FUCK YOU."

Comes in handy, because I don't have to think about what to say or how to say it. It's simple, to the point and works for every situation. Plus it sets you up for the next line in your comeback.

So the next time that customer comes in and says, "Speak English, boy!" you can say to him, "Fuck you. You must be deaf. Does it sound like I've got an accent?"

Unless of course you've got an accent, then maybe the racist motherfucker has a point.

All joking aside, you obviously shouldn't be dropping F-bombs on your elderly customers. But a lot of Asian people tend NOT to respond to a racist microaggression for various reasons: they're caught off guard, they're afraid, they don't know what to say, or (like yourself) they're at work and are acting in a professional manner in spite of the customer abuse.

But a racist remark is how a non-Asian belittles you as an Asian. He's telling you, "Know your place boy and shut your pie hole." A racist remark is an act of aggression, and sometimes people freeze when they are verbally assaulted.

My department offers a course on self-defense for women, and one time I was filming the course so that the women could see how they reacted in the scenarios. One woman repeatedly said, "FUCK YOU!" in the scenario. Afterwards in the debrief, the woman stated that she kept cursing, because she wanted to tap into an aggressive mindset. Instead of being paralyzed, she reacted aggressively.

Now not every situation requires a verbal and physical beatdown, but something about cursing releases you from the paralysis of silence and inaction. For me I don't even have to curse. I just talk in a tone as if I am cursing. People can sense aggression, and if people sense that you will become violent, then they become the quiet ones.

Again, not something that I recommend for every situation. But there are times when you should be angry. Just don't be angry all the time.

Unwanted Soldiers

2011-09-04T04:56:00.001-07:00

This documentary tells the personal story of filmmaker Jari Osborne's father, a Chinese-Canadian veteran. She describes her father's involvement in World War II and uncovers a legacy of discrimination and racism against British Columbia's Chinese-Canadian community. Sworn to secrecy for decades, Osborne's father and his war buddies now vividly recall their top-secret missions behind enemy lines in Southeast Asia. Theirs is a tale of young men proudly fighting for a country that had mistreated them.

Purchase the DVD HERE

The Secret History of Building 640

2011-08-29T09:19:00.000-07:00

"What's Your Story?" Video Challenge

2011-08-26T10:00:00.000-07:00

There is nothing more powerful than the stories of Asian Americans and Pacific Islanders. Our stories define who we are, and they reflect our impact on the community around us. At the White House Initiative on AAPIs, we seek to amplify these voices nationally. We are pleased to announce the first ever White House Initiative Video Challenge, called “What’s Your Story?”

We’re calling on you to produce a video, up to three minutes long, telling us who you are and how you have impacted those around you. In your video, answer the questions: How have your unique experiences shaped who you are today? And in what ways are you making a difference in your community? Everyone is welcomed to participate.

We will review the submissions and post a select number of entries on the White House website. In addition, we’ll invite a group of exceptional AAPI leaders to share their stories in person at the White House this fall as special guests in a White House Initiative on AAPIs event.

To submit your video and learn more about the challenge, go to www.whitehouse.gov/whatsyourstory. The deadline for video submissions is midnight on November 1, 2011.

Blind Date

2011-08-18T06:31:00.000-07:00

American Sons

2011-08-16T06:23:00.000-07:00

This is a bit hokey, because it's a mid 90's Asian American indie doc. But a lot of AA men will relate nonetheless:

"American Sons mixes documentary and drama, utilizing actors telling real stories based on a series of interviews with Asian Americans throughout the country. It looks at difficult issues, such as hate violence, and examines the deep psycholgical damage that racism inflicts over generations."

Gary Locke

2011-08-16T06:00:00.000-07:00

Dr. Anthony Youn

2011-08-13T13:17:00.000-07:00

Ivy Dreams

2011-08-13T08:09:00.000-07:00

MOSAEC TV: In Ivy Dreams, filmmakers Joy Huang and Yu-Teh Huang create an appealing and insightful documentary that follows four teens as they tackle the college application process and specifically vie for the Ivy League brass ring.

You can watch the rest of this documentary HERE.

'Marvels And Monsters' Unveils Asians In Comics

2011-08-12T08:01:00.000-07:00

Tony Hsieh on the Colbert Report

2011-08-10T06:22:00.000-07:00

The Colbert Report
Get More: Colbert Report Full Episodes,Political Humor & Satire Blog,Video Archive

Panda Express' Ingredients to Success

2011-08-10T05:53:00.000-07:00

MYX on the Move - The K-Town Cowboys

2011-08-09T05:51:00.000-07:00

Jaime Lo: Small and Shy

2011-08-08T06:16:00.001-07:00

Asthma Tech

2011-08-08T06:04:00.000-07:00

Interracial Marriage Trends (2001-2010)

2011-08-04T09:09:00.000-07:00

Prepare to be overwhelmed by this guy's dazzling stats, graphs and charts on IR marriages. Seriously insightful stuff that confirms my suspicions and observations on the topic.

Don't Judge a Book by It's Cover

2011-07-30T11:42:00.000-07:00

I never underestimate old people. Sure they may be frail looking and smell like they just pooped in their Depends, but you don't know what sort of history they might have had. They could have been a general, a gangster or a grandmaster in some deadly esoteric martial art. You just don't know.

When I was in the academy, there was a TAC sergeant who was an old Chinese American guy who was barely 5'4". Yet he had a certain bearing that suggested a military background. He spoke clearly and concisely, and his posture was perfectly vertical. He didn't slouch at all, and when he spoke his voice commanded our attention and respect without ever being raised.

The recruits and I learned later that he had been in the Navy SEALS. He was a SEAL when we were in diapers. This was not something that he revealed to us on his own accord, but we found this out through the grapevine. We tried to get him to tell us some war stories, but he was quite modest and said, "Perhaps another time."

He did relate, however, that you could never tell who would be able to make it through the training and join the SEAL teams. It didn't matter if the guy was 6 foot 200 pounds of rock solid muscle. There were a lot of 6 foot guys crying in the middle of training.

He stated that the guys that did make it through training were unassuming guys that didn't understand the concept of quitting. They were able to eat bitterness and persevere.

The last time I saw my TAC sergeant was on the news a couple of years. He was a lieutenant for an SFPD unit. The thing I admired about this guy was that his presence commanded respect. He didn't flaunt or brag, unlike a lot of the young idiots I run into nowadays. I'm always wary of shit talkers who talk crap about other people, because shit talkers are always trying to protect their egos and distract you (and themselves) from their own inadequacies.

But this guy was a leader, and we all had much respect for him. So don't underestimate the old guy. You never know where he might have derived his wisdom and experience.

Jake Shimabukuro on the Sprout Channel

2011-07-19T07:29:00.000-07:00

My daughter is addicted to the Sprout Channel, so I've got all sorts of children's show themes running through my head (i.e. Caillou, Bob the Builder, etc.)

Who is Victor Kim?

2011-07-12T06:36:00.000-07:00

World Demographics: Global Surplus of Asian Males?

2011-07-06T07:54:00.000-07:00

The Washington Post had an interesting book review by Elaine Showalter this holiday weekend on a book by Mara Hvistendahl called “Unnatural Selection.” According to the review, Hvistendahl, a science journalist based in Beijing, the book warns of an impending surplus of Asian men and the possible consequences of them being deprived of female partners caused by sex-selective abortions and creating the possibility of a world of male violence and sexual predation.

Showalter writes in her review:

“As Hvistendahl reports in her massively well-documented book, male births are far outnumbering female births in East Asia, South Asia and West Asia, all the way to Albania. While the normal sex ratio at birth is about 105 males to 100 females, in the county of Suining, China, for example, 152 boys are born for every 100 girls. These surplus boys may feel happy when they are small, but they will grow up condemned to singlehood. According to the French demographer Christophe Guilmoto, we are facing an epidemic of “rampant demographic masculinization” that will have “grave effects for future generations.”

I don’t know if that’s hyperbole---just what does “grave effects for future generations” mean? I thought, “Is this an alarmist stunt to gin up attention or is this a disturbing trend?” and even Showalter seems to question it as well. But Hvistendahl, according to the review, goes into the root causes of how the population shift occurred:

“When scientists and sociologists first began to draw attention to this imbalance in the 1990s, they thought that large-scale female infanticide had reemerged and that infant girls were being killed. But slowly they realized that female offspring were being identified in the fetal state by amniocentesis and ultrasound, and aborted by parental wish.

Feminists blame the gender imbalance on patriarchal cultural prejudice against girls and daughters. But Hvistendahl, who has not only done her research but has also carried out extensive investigative journalism in several countries, blames much more complex geopolitical and economic forces, including imperialist political decisions, American medical technology and the drive for population control.
She traces the development and marketing of amniocentesis and American ultrasound machinery, the rise of genetic counseling, and drastic government policies to curb population, such as China’s one-baby policy, instituted in 1980. The international availability of prenatal screening in the 1980s and government tolerance or support of abortion as a means of birth control made it possible for parents to choose the sex of their children. Hvistendahl identifies the common elements from country to country: First, rapid development allows prenatal screening; second, abortion is easily available; third, the practice starts with elite groups and trickles down to the general population.

Despite these factors, the most significant cause of the imbalance is still the widespread desire for male children, especially among elite groups with access to advanced medical technology. Population-control experts realized that in many countries, people kept on having children until they had a son; Guilmoto notes that “there is a general trend of son preference” in much of the world. Demographers and Asian policymakers realized that if couples could have a male child early, they would stop having multiple children. In the words of New York Times journalist Elisabeth Bumiller, sex selection is “a powerful example of what can happen when modern technology collides with the forces of a traditional society.”

Showlater additionally writes:

“In the last section of her book, “The Womanless World,” Hvistendahl examines the dire costs of such a gender imbalance: the traffic in foreign brides and rises in polyandry, child marriage, prostitution, sex tourism, sexually transmitted disease and social violence…but overall Hvistendahl is convincing, backing up her details with in-depth interviews with scientists from China to California. But is her book alarming or alarmist? After all, scientific change has unintended consequences, both positive and negative. Scarcity and the law of supply and demand may give women more bargaining power in marital choice. In India, “interregional marriage is breaking down the caste hierarchy.” In Vietnam, bought brides are valuable because they can get money to return to their families, and in China, families now prefer daughters who can marry abroad and send money home. The government policies that encouraged the imbalance may be changed to reverse it. South Korea achieved a normal birth rate in 2007 as a result of “gender-sensitive policies.”

Unfortunately, we see sex trafficking and slavery, prostitution, and the like already in the global arena. Moreover, I’ve never agreed with the Asian cultural idea to place such an emphasis on having male offspring to the point where abortions are performed solely in the pursuit of having males only. That, to me, is such an extreme practice and Asian societies will have to grapple with how to evolve in their value systems.

So what happens if this gender balance continues? I’ve already read news reports about Chinese males in the rural parts of China unable to find wives. I do not know how much impact the IR disparity plays into the romantic isolation of Asian males, leaving legions of lonely men. Showalter goes on to report that it may not be as bad as Hvistendahl warns:

“Some scholars, however, do not think gender imbalance and sex determination have such high-risk consequences that we ought to halt prenatal screenings and other new and important technologies. Arno G. Motulsky, a geneticist at the University of Washington, noted that although Alaska, for example, has more males than females, it “has not encountered serious societal dislocations.” (Late-night comedians might disagree.) Amitai Etzioni, who worried about gender imbalance in an article for Science in 1968, has now changed his mind and has not found “enough compelling damage that would lead us to stop science.” And Hvistendahl herself acknowledges that anti-abortion groups could use the data to block abortions for American women, and she feels uneasy about “treading onto unexpected political ground"

Maybe the dynamic won't trend as badly as Hvistendahl suggests. These are all possibilities. But still, it's something worth thinking about.

Ichiro-The Most Underappreciated Baseball Player Today

2011-07-05T08:00:00.000-07:00

There was a great article in the Washington Post sports section the other week by columnist Norman Chad regarding Ichiro. Basically, Chad writes, Ichiro Suzuki is perhaps the most underappreciated baseball player today. And Chad’s column also brings up a point about all of us old timers (I think I’m older than most of you readers out there) enjoying and appreciating things a lot more as one gets older. And to see Ichiro's high level of talent and consistency is to be appreciated as the baseball player, himself, is getting on in years.

Excerpts from the column:

“In all 10 of his seasons with the Seattle Mariners since coming to Major League Baseball from Japan at age 27, Ichiro has batted over .300 and accumulated at least 200 hits.

As we reach midseason here in 2011, Ichiro, now 37, is batting only .271 and is on pace for a 181-hit season.

Ichiro also has won 10 straight Gold Gloves — with never more than five errors in a season — but in 2011 he has been subpar at times defensively and already has committed three errors.

The thing is, Ichiro Suzuki might be the most underappreciated great player of his generation. Part of this is he’s been stuck on a losing team most of his career. Part of this is because he’s Japanese; on our field of dreams, we prefer homegrown athletic superstars. Part of this is he’s playing in the Pacific Northwest; many Americans couldn’t locate the Pacific Northwest on a U.S. map, and most Mariners games end about the time Carson Daly is interviewing some indie actress I’ve never heard of.

Just think about Ichiro’s 10-year MLB career again: 10 straight .300 seasons, 10-straight 200-hit campaigns, 10 straight Gold Gloves, 10-time All-Star. If he played in New York, there might be a Baby Ichiro candy bar in every mini-mart and sushi bars bearing his name on every corner.

If you include Ichiro’s Japanese major league numbers — where he won seven straight batting titles — the outfielder now has hit .300 in a remarkable 19 consecutive seasons....

...mired in a .149 slump over three weeks that dropped his season average to .248 — Ichiro was given a night off, ending his streak of 255 consecutive games played.
Ichiro took the benching in stride, and since then, went on an 11-game hitting streak — with eight multiple-hit games — to raise his average 23 points. Suddenly, those box scores are looking a lot better with my morning Metamucil, and Ichiro still might extend his .300-average and 200-hit streaks. So maybe 37 is the new 27.”

For those who don't know, a batting average in the .300's is elite level hitting. The guy is a pleasure to watch. The guy's a real baseball stud and should be more celebrated.

Fortunate Sons

2011-07-02T10:15:00.000-07:00

So I just finished up Fortunate Sons by Liel Leibovitz and Matthew Miller. This is a true story about the Chinese Educational Mission:

"[120] boys were sent to the United States in 1872, during the twilight years of the Qing Empire, in the hopes that a few years in America's leading schools would produce a band of leaders capable of rescuing China from its technological and military stupor."

This book is a fascinating read, and it provides a rather unique and personal look at China in the midst of turmoil and change. It also touches upon a lot of issues that seem relevant today to China and to Asian Americans.

The story starts off with Yung Wing, the very first Chinese to attend Yale. Yung is fascinated by American culture and the American educational system. Whereas the Chinese educational system taught classic Confucian texts, poetry and calligraphy and churned out intellectual bureaucrats, the American colleges focused on developing leaders and innovators.

Yung heads back to China after graduation and finds that his American education isn't of much use to him at first in finding a job. He also finds that he's out of place, since he's been away for so long. His Chinese is rusty, and his mannerisms are perceived to be arrogantly American.

Then he gets into a physical altercation with a bigoted and condescending Scotsman, and word spreads among the native Chinese and European foreigners about this English speaking Chinese man educated in the States. His reputation as a guy who can traverse 2 different cultures and not take some white colonist's bullshit earns him steady work as a translator. Yung's reputation also piques the interest of a progressive government official. This government official values Yung's opinion, because he's dealt with the foreigners, lived among, seen their world and taken up some habits and ways of thinking.

Yung proposes that China send some of her boys to America for high school and college, to learn new technologies and new ways of thinking. The hope was that the schooling would mold these boys into leaders of industry and military, that they would help modernize China, bring her out of the dark ages and repel the European and Japanese invaders. Hence the Chinese Educational Mission was born.

Initially 30 boys were selected to be schooled in America for a period of 15 years. After only nine years, however, the Qing government disbanded the Chinese Educational Mission and recalled all of its students, which had totaled at 120. Forces within the Chinese government who were resistant to change brought about the mission's demise. When the boys returned, they were:

"carted in wheelbarrows by coolies, under armed guard, to an abandoned school building, filthy, damp and pest-ridden — where they were confined for days and not allowed out to see their families. Along the route, they were jeered at by onlookers and vilified as 'foreign devils... Under such conditions, some succumbed to illness and despair. The maltreatment gave them a taste of the arrogance, callousness and inertia so prevalent among China’s government bureaucrats, against whom some vented their anger with scathing comments in letters to their friends. Nonetheless, for many of them, the experience amounted to a crash-course in maturity: it tested their patience and steeled their resolve to prove that they had the ability and strength of character to fulfill their country’s expectations."

The boys were eventually released, and although they had to deal with millions of people entrenched in thousands of years of cultural dogma, they became the leaders they were intended to be. These men helped usher China into the modern era.

Although the authors go off in odd tangents in the book, they do tell a compelling story about a pivotal time in history where China struggles to reinvent herself.

Prism

2011-07-01T09:19:00.001-07:00

Underkill

2011-06-26T10:26:00.000-07:00

So I just finished up Underkill, the second book in Leonard Chang's Allen Choice trilogy. It's another gripping story by Chang, and I'm already into the third book Fade to Clear.

The thing about Allen Choice (the protagonist in these stories) is that he's a whitewashed Asian with an Anglicized name. He can't speak a lick of Korean, and he maintains no connection to his cultural heritage other than eating rice cakes. This cultural disinheritance is compounded by the fact that both of his parents are dead.

Despite being a whitewashed Asian, Allen acts and thinks the way a lot of Asian American guys act and think: strong but silent. Chang narrates the stories through Allen's thoughts, so we get a sense that even though he isolates himself from others at times, Allen's still waters run deep with insecurities. This fallibility is what makes him relatable, what makes him human. And the reader sympathizes with Allen.

For whatever reason, Asians tend not to be as emotionally expressive. You could point to any number of reasons put forth by anthropologists, sociologists, psychologists and other apologists, but suffice it to say that there is a stereotype (true or not in varying degrees) that Asians have a stoic quality to them. Our motto is, "Speak softly, but carry a big stick."

A lot of Asian men I know tend to be this way, including myself. The women in our lives tend to be (as Tetsuro Shigematsu put it) our emmisaries to the outside world. My wife is much more expressive than myself, and people tend to gravitate towards her. I am the dark star to her supernova. If you've ever watched the movie "A Beautiful Mind," then you'll see me as Russell Crowe and my wife as Jennifer Connolly. I'm happy to say that my daughter has her mother's vibrant energy.

Although people sense and respect silent strength, there is a problem in operating this way. It allows for information vacuums to form. If you don't say much, then people will have to fill in the blanks. If a space is empty in people's minds with regards to you, then that space will be occupied, and it could be occupied by anything, any idea, not matter how outlandish. This is how gossip, rumors and stereotypes supplant the truth in people's minds.

Your reputation precedes you, so you, as an Asian American must fill in the space in people's minds before some racist idiot does. You as an Asian American must control your image before the image controls you.

Mental Cages, Psychological Ropes

2011-06-24T11:32:00.000-07:00

So I was having coffee with an old friend the other day. He's a good guy, and a loyal friend over the 20+ years I've known him. But he's also got the angry Asian man syndrome. In the early years when we hung out with each other, we'd be bitching about stereotypes in the media and the racist micro-aggressions we as Asian men have to endure on a daily basis.

As the years passed, I found myself less and less inclined to engage in such bitchfests. I was tired of being chronically angry, because it was seeping into other aspects of my life and affecting my psyche. I channeled my anger into productive projects and self-improvement. My friend, however, is still quite angry after all these years.

But there was something he said to me this last time we met up. He said, "I used to think that other people were brainwashed. That other people could not and would not see the racism. But I've realized that I've been brainwashed. That my mind is preoccupied with these issues to distract me from more important things. That my confidence has been destroyed."

If you want to destroy a people, then you destroy their confidence in themselves. You set the men and women against each other. I was watching a documentary called Diary of a Tired Black Man. If you think there is a gender divide between Asian American men and women, this documentary makes it seem like the gender divide is ten times worse in the African American community. I didn't bother watching the entire movie, because I found it way too redundant and depressing.

I'm reminded of a saying from a football coach (I'm paraphrasing here):

"If you focus on things that you cannot control, then you will lose control on that which you normally control."

The IR disparity is kind of like that. I've known lots of AA guys who get bent out of shape focusing on the disparity and analyzing it to death. They turn into the angry Asian man, and much of their time and energy is spent focusing on how shitty a deal AA men get in dating and sex.

It sort of becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. Because anger and bitterness are not the most appealing traits to women, so your negativity starts to affect your love life. It starts affecting your emotional well-being and other aspects of life. Then you start lashing out at your friends and people who are really on your side.

And yet I think AA men need to talk about this stuff and let it out. You can't deny it, like some people do. But you got to acknowledge it and work through it.

Personally, I would rather not have this stuff talked about so openly (like on a blog) where non-Asians can see. If anything, it's probably better to have a closed discussion group amongst guys who get it. That way AA men are free to talk about this stuff without some nagging sense that we need to apologize for feeling the way we do and being who we are.

Bottom line is I think a lot of the IR disparity is in people's heads. Sure there are some AA women with non-Asian men, but so what? Asian American men date and marry beautiful smart women of all ethnicities: Asian, white, Hispanic and Black.

I may be biased, because I was born and raised in SF. Plenty of Asians, so we hook up with... each other! The vast majority of Asians (both men and women) date and marry other Asians. But the past several years, I've seen far more AM/WF or AM/XF couples than AF/WM. Maybe it's because I notice the former and block out the latter. Maybe it's because of where I hang out and where I don't hang out. I don't know.

But we are all born into a mental framework, a framework that we either perceive as a cage or as a series of doors leading to opportunities. Growing up with racism places a mental cage upon you. Then one day you decide to test the door and find it was unlocked all along.

My friend once told me of how they train elephants to stay put. I have no idea if they actually train elephants in this way, but his story has stuck in my mind nonetheless. Supposedly they take a strong rope and attach it to a baby elephant's neck or foot. Then they tie the rope to a pike set deep in the ground. The baby elephant pulls and pulls, but it's not strong enough yet to break free. After awhile, it doesn't bother trying and just sits there in despair.

This false lesson stays with an elephant even into adulthood. So even though an adult elephant has enough strength to break free, the trainer simply attaches a rope to the elephant and leads it to wherever.

Asian American youth spend way too much time on the Internet, instead of interacting out in the real world. The thing is that the Internet can either be your cage or it can be your portal to opportunities. It is a filter of reality, and you can warp reality to whatever you want it to be. But there are lots of sock puppets, false prophets and people who willingly or unknowingly spread disinformation out there on the Internet. They will make you think the cage you are in is locked.

You can either bow your head and willingly accept the noose around your neck, or you can run that trainer over and stomp him into the ground.

Growing number of Asian-Americans smoke

2011-06-22T07:32:00.001-07:00

Siamese Dad

2011-06-17T07:21:00.000-07:00

"Over the Shoulder" by Leonard Chang

2011-06-13T09:12:00.000-07:00

So I seem to have stumbled upon a budding genre within a genre: the Asian American mystery. I've already written before about Ed Lin's books about Chinese American detective Robert Chow. Well I just finished up Leonard Chang's Over the Shoulder, a mystery novel about Allen Choice, a Korean American security specialist (a.k.a. bodyguard) who investigates the murder of his coworker.

"How many mysteries have an Asian American protagonist? Not many. Maybe the racist portrayal of Charlie Chan. So why not? What better way to normalize the Asian American male than to have him deal with everyday life?"

-Leonard Chang

There is a way to address both the Asian American communities and a mainstream audience, and that is to write a book for multiple genres.

Bottom line is if you can write a GOOD book in a mainstream genre (like mystery or sci fi) and address AA themes, then you can kill 2 birds with one stone. And that's what Leonard Chang does in this book Over the Shoulder. Like Ed Lin's books the mystery genre provides Chang an opportunity to explore race, family, and the Asian American sensibility without overindulging in these issues. Amy Tan he is not.

This is a damn good book. You get a glimpse into Allen's head, his memories, his observations, and you feel for him. And yet despite all the punishment he takes in this story, you don't ever feel like he's a wimp. You root for him to find out what the hell happened in this whodunit.

I mentioned before that Don Lee's Yellow was my favorite AA lit book. Well now that I've read Over the Shoulder, I'll have to amend that. Yellow is my favorite short story collection. Leonard Chang's my favorite AA novelist.

I'm already reading Chang's next novel in the trilogy Underkill.

Agents of Secret Stuff

2011-06-12T07:27:00.000-07:00

History of China in 3 1/2 Minutes

2011-06-10T08:59:00.001-07:00

Chinatown's New Generation

2011-06-08T20:26:00.000-07:00

Thanks to Big WoWo for this one.

Breaking the Bamboo Ceiling

2011-06-04T10:11:00.000-07:00

If you couldn't get through the 11 pages (11 PAGES!), then the above video is a good synopsis of Wesley Yang's Paper Tigers article. For those of you who are Asian Robots and are completely clueless as to the influence of your Asian heritage in the workplace, then you can read Breaking the Bamboo Ceiling, which I just finished up.

It's not a book that I recommend for Asian Americans who are well acculturated or who have fiesty, Yang-style personalities. But if you're somewhat timid and your career has stalled, then this is an OK read. I say OK, because the book is like a lot of self-help books (and a lot of people): it identifies a problem, but doesn't necessarily solve it.

Dangers to the Asian American Community in the 21st Century

2011-06-03T09:29:00.000-07:00

A Follow Up Thought on Don Lee's "Yellow"

2011-06-01T11:43:00.000-07:00

Just to quickly follow up a thought I posted in response to the Don Lee's "Yellow" thread, I stated that it was refreshing to see Asian characters without any special emphasis on their Asian-ness. Characters that just happen to be Asian.

I actually caught an episode of "House" the other week and it had James Hiroyuki Liao whose character was the long time partner of Iranian born actress Shohreh Aghdashloo who was portraying a performance artist. What struck me about this episode was that the screenplay didn't dwell whatsoever on their ethnic backgrounds. They just simply were....and we got to see their humanity. I actually feel like I want to write a letter to the screenwriter and commend him on a nice portrayal of an Asian American man and a Southwest Asian woman without falling into the lazy trap of just using stereotypes to "explain" these characters.

I found that to be refreshing and I'd hope for Hollywood to continue this (but I ain't holding my breath). We sort of see this with comic actor and Indian American Aziz Ansari on NBC's "Parks and Recreation". I don't watch the show, but just flipping thru it, it seems like not a big deal is made about his character's ethnicity.

Clowns at the Gates of Sanity, Part 2

2011-06-01T11:20:00.000-07:00

I titled the previous post as Part 1 because I knew this stuff wasn’t going to be over. Of course Donald Trump was never going to run for the GOP nominee for the presidential elections. Only a moron would think that he would. And he won’t now, even with Palin supposedly saying that she would “love” for him to run. He’ll never fill out his financial disclosure forms for scrutiny, which means, he won’t run. This is all ego and theater. Does he really want people to scrutinize why he filed for bankruptcy four times? I thought casinos were suppose to make money.

But again, this guy blows the dog whistle for race baiters. Once the birther issue was settled when Obama requested the state of Hawaii to release his certificate, this guy goes on the attack in scrutinizing Obama’s background, challenging how and why Obama got into Columbia, which is a not so subtle jab at affirmative action and insinuating that the man wasn’t really qualified to get in. ``I don't know why he doesn't release his (college) records," Trump deadpanned. ``The word is he wasn't a good student and he ended up getting into Columbia.

This is what racists do to discredit someone or some groups, like Asian Americans. First, it was his legitimacy, whether or not he was a “real” American or even a citizen (let's look at the Supreme Court decision in US vs. Wong Kim Ark). And now, it’s this move to discredit him. Trump questions how Obama got into Columbia and Harvard, as if there was some conspiracy afloat to advance Obama because he's a bi-racial minority. Being elected to head the Harvard Law Review and graduating with honors sounds to me like the guy is more than qualified.

And once more, Trump continues on the China bashing. More vilification of Asians---we’re all so devious, right? Not that the US, itself, had anything to do with the economic mess we’re in, right? Let’s just blame it all on the Chinese. Palin, on her bus tour to who-the-hell-cares, and Trump met in NYC and afterwards he said to Fox:

"Well, we do like each other and I will tell you more than anything else she loves this country," said Trump of Palin. "She's got a great passion for the country. I can say behind her back that there's no winking, there's no laughing, there's no smiling, she really loves the country. And, that comes through to me I think more than anything else. She really is passionate about what's going on and what's going wrong. And she picked up on my theme of China and a lot of people don't pick up on it. China's just absolutely ripping us. First thing she said to me was that nobody made that point better than you."

If he really feels that way, then stop manufacturing the goods he sells with the “Trump” brand and logo in China and Mexico. Bring the jobs back home to the US. It’s all ego and publicity whoring. The guy’s a joke but the race baiting is no joke.

Book Review: Don Lee's "Yellow"

2011-05-30T19:16:00.000-07:00

So I just finished another book. This time it was Don Lee's Yellow. I got to say that I love this book! In fact, I would say of all of the Asian American lit books, Yellow is my favorite, HANDS DOWN.

Yellow is a collection of short stories, most of them set in Rosarita Bay, a fictional coastal town near San Francisco. As I was reading Lee's description of Rosarita Bay, I thought to myself, "Sounds like Half Moon Bay," which is 2 towns over from where I live. But there are hardly any Asians in Half Moon Bay.

Lee's fictional Rosarita Bay, however, is a hick town with an unusually high percentage of overachieving Asian Americans for its small population. You've got lawyers, doctors, world famous artists and writers living in this sleepy town. It's like the TV show "Twin Peaks," but filled with Asian people.

And yet most of these overachieving characters don't have any issues related to their Asian identity. Sure, they have issues. But for the most part, there is no issue regarding their racial identities. The stories revolve around some basic human motivations: jealousy, insecurity, loneliness, sex. The fact that these characters are Asian is incidental.

What I liked about these stories was that each of these characters was comfortable with his or her sexuality. Virtually everybody had a healthy libido and no hang ups over their race. This made the book much more enjoyable to read than David Mura's Where the Body Meets Memory, which was tedious at times. Granted, it's not fair to compare a short story collection with an autobiography, but every one of the short stories in Yellow sucked me in. The title story "Yellow" is the only story of the collection that delves into Asian American identity and sexuality, and this story does a much better job at exploring the issues than Mura's entire book.

The quality of Lee's storytelling and writing defies genre. If you like good short story fiction, whether or not you're into AA lit, then get this book.

Where the Body Meets Memory

2011-05-27T19:30:00.000-07:00

So I've been reading a lot of books lately, and I just finished David Mura's Where the Body Meets Memory: An Odyssey of Race, Sexuality and Identity. It's about the author David Mura and his sexual escapades throughout the years. He and his wife had an open relationship for several years, and he writes about his sexual addiction and how his early experiences and issues with race and identity contributed to his addiction to white women.

As I was reading his book, I thought to myself:

1) How the hell did he get his wife to tolerate his bullshit and all his extramarital affairs?

2) Boy is she one patient and forgiving woman to allow him to publish his sexcapades and expose their marital problems.

The first half of the book is a bit tedious. He goes over the experiences of his grandparents and parents before, during and after internment. But even though the first half of the book was boring, it showed how historical trauma of a group can leave its impact on a individual and his or her sexuality.

While reading the book, I couldn't help but think of all of the things I experienced and what my friends dealt with in regards to love, sex and relationships. With that said, I thought I'd give some unsolicited advice on the topic. The thing about being my age is that I can not only draw upon my own experiences, but the experiences of all the other old fogeys I know.

1) Never sleep with anyone crazier than yourself. Now this is easier said than done, because sometimes crazy people start off perfectly normal. You're also blind to the fact that she's nutty, because the sex is phenomenal, because it's like her: wild and crazy.

But somewhere shortly down the road of your relationship, red flags start popping up and you discover that the woman you are with is nutso up the buttso. One woman I knew took all of the letters and cards (this was before email) that I received from my ex-girlfriends and burned them. Then she sent the ashes to my exes.

COO-COO!

2) If you've cheated, then get over it and don't disclose it. In past relationships, I've cheated before, but I grew out of it. I don't know what it is, but you just grow out of being an asshole. Something clicks and a moral switch gets turned on.

Whatever you do though, don't share your cheating history with your significant other or with a woman you are just getting know. Because she'll always be fearful of you cheating on her, that you will do to her what you did in a previous relationship, no matter how much you reassure her that she's the one and you've changed your ways.

Now this also goes for advances and flirtations that you receive from women, even if they are unsolicited and you don't respond to them. So if you get topless photos from a client, don't brag about it to your wife. She will go nutso up your buttso.

3) College is the best time. College is the best time for you to meet and date around (responsibly and ethically, of course). So if you're in college right now, then take advantage of this time, because you won't get a second chance to meet and interact with so many women of the same age as you in one place.

Sure, you will meet women when you get out of college and go to work, but you won't meet as many women, because the population that you're now working with is much smaller and the women vary greatly in age. Plus dating coworkers is always tricky.

You could always hang out at college campuses after you graduate, but that would be creepy, YOU PERVERT!

4) Don't marry your high school sweetheart. At least not right away. Every person that I know who married his or her high school sweetheart or college sweetheart has had marital problems, fidelity issues and/or regrets. They got married way too young, and they didn't date anybody else prior to getting married. I'm not saying all marriages of high school sweethearts end up in divorce, but from what I can tell, people who married early and have only been with one person always think to themselves, "If only..."

The ones who do get divorced get crazy trying to make up for lost time. They do a Jon Gosselin, and they sort of regress emotionally and psychologically.

I ran into a old high school classmate that I had not seen in 20 years (yes, you read that right: 20 years). Her high school sweetheart divorced her a few years prior, and now she was doing the Match.com, EHarmony thing. She was seeing 2 guys, and I asked her if either was a good prospect. She said one had potential and the other was a nice guy, but not that great in bed.

I asked her why she was still seeing this other guy if he was not so good in bed and the other guy was a better match. She responded, "I had only been with one other guy. I want to know what it's like to be with another man. I figure I can learn to like him the way I learned to love my ex-husband."

Bottom line: Don't marry your high school sweetheart right away. At least wait a few years, and see other people.

5) It's not the quantity of relationships, but the quality of them. I was having drinks with a woman who asked me, "How many kills have you had?"

Kills?! I had no idea what she was talking about. I thought she was pretending to be a CIA agent, but she meant how many women I had slept with.

So I told her, "It's not the number of cars you've taken for a spin around the block, it's the number of miles on the road."

One night stands might sound great, but people have far more sex in their lifetimes when their relationships last longer than a few months.

Yong Zhao- Teach Children to Invent Jobs

2011-05-27T09:33:00.001-07:00

Don Chao

2011-05-25T20:56:00.001-07:00

Chinese-Brazilian American Standup Comedian - watch more funny videos

Hard Then Soft

2011-05-22T22:51:00.000-07:00

So I thought I'd kick a dead horse long after it had been beaten senseless by every offended AA blogger out there. I'm referring of course to Wesley Yang's incendiary article Paper Tigers, which beats down and exploits the hell out of another dead horse Tiger parenting. Originally I had no intention of commenting on Yang's article, because:

1) It was too damn long. 11 PAGES for God's sake!
2) I'm too busy parenting my tiger cub.

But I recently listened to a podcast with Wesley Yang and Jeff Yang where Wesley makes some pretty compelling points about the flaws of Tiger parenting. Wesley comes off much better in the podcast than in his article, so I don't know if his article was edited to grab as much attention as possible and piss people off the way Amy Chua's article was engineered to be an idea virus on steroids.

It's funny that Asian Americans were pissed off with Chua and her fascist style of parenting, and then were pissed off at Yang who railed against Chua's fascist parenting. It's like the proverb quoted in his article:

"The loudest duck gets shot."

Doesn't matter what you say, but how you say it. And Asians just don't like other Asians who strut around and quack too loud, even if they're quacking a truth.

Now I said "a" truth, not "the" truth. I'm not going to hit every point in Yang's article (11 PAGES!), but I do think that his article speaks to a significant subgroup within the AA population. Everyone within the Asian American community has hinted at what Yang is saying in his article. It's just that Yang said it the loudest with a big microphone.

In the 90's, I had an Asian American Studies professor say, "There is a Bamboo Ceiling. There is no denying that. But there is some truth to the stereotype that Asians don't raise hell when they hit that ceiling. You can't just be a hard worker, stay quiet and pray that your boss or your colleagues will recognize your effort."

My professor related that although a lot of Asians came to him griping about hitting the Bamboo Ceiling, not one of them asked for that raise or pushed for that promotion.

Fast forward 10+ years and you have Yul Kwon insinuating the same thing in a VisualizAsian interview: that the Bamboo Ceiling is there, but Asians as whole need to 1) step up and become leaders and 2) recognize obstacles of cultural dissonance.

I think the issue most people had with Yang's article was the tone. Yang essentially presented Asian culture as a liability and Western culture as the ideal. But let's be honest here: a lot of Asian Americans got to where they are because their steely discipline was forged from Tiger parenting. Emotional trauma and social awkwardness aside, self-discipline and the ability to eat bitterness go a long way in helping one achieve success in life.

The answer lies somewhere in the middle between Tiger parenting and Wesley Yang's "fuck this, fuck that" attitude toward Asian values. Most Asian Americans I know followed the straight and narrow path laid out before them by their parents, but somewhere along the way they wandered off.

They said, "Fuck this! I'm not happy!" and they decided to do a career change. They were successful in a traditional field, made their money and then decided to follow their passion.

For example, I know plenty of Asian cops who had a previous white collar career. A lot of former IT guys. One guy was an engineer (I don’t know what kind, but he is logical as a Vulcan). Another guy was a draftsman at an architectural firm. My very first partner used to work for Charles Schwab. I once rented a room to an FBI agent who used to work as some kind of business-information-computer dude. He decided to switch careers, when he was at his work watching the Twin Towers collapse on 9/11.

And there are plenty of examples of Asian Americans in business and in the media who decided to break out and follow their dreams. Let me tell you a story:

There was an optometrist who was successful, intelligent and attractive, but for whatever reason she was single. Her parents wanted to set her up with a nice Korean boy, the son of a friend that they knew.

Like most people would, this woman thought to herself, "I don't know...this guy sounds like a loser."

But she decided to give him a chance, so they did a phone date. They seemed to have a nice enough conversation and she was impressed with his background. He graduated from Stanford and Yale Law. He said he worked for various companies and firms in the past. She asked him what he did now, and he said he was currently unemployed.

That of course raised a red flag in her mind. She asked him what plans he had for the future, and he said, "I want to go on Survivor."

By now she's thinking to herself, "This guy's living in LaLa Land! What loser gives up a career in law to apply to be a contestant on Survivor? Dream on!"

Suffice it to say, they never went out on an actual date nor did they even have a second phone call. She totally forgot about him. Then one night she watched the season premiere of Survivor.

And sure enough, he was on the show: Yul Kwon.

I guess the point I'm trying to make is that it always better to start off hard, then soften up. You want to develop self-reliance, discipline and confidence early in your child, so he or she can rely on these traits in whatever passion s/he chooses to pursue.

They do this in the military and police academy. You start off hard with the discipline and the training, and then once your recruits pick up the skills and confidence that they need to do the job, you can soften up a bit and teach in a more relaxed environment.

So if you're a product of strict hard Tiger parenting, don't worry. You'll have plenty of time in adulthood to soften up and follow your passion.