Alpha Asian

Stephanie Foo tells a story about dating online that is unlike any we've ever heard before.  

"I don't get it," she confessed, as she got out of the shower. "Get what?" "You said you hated your job. Why would you go further into the profession?" She had the cutest wrinkle in her brow as she climbed into bed. "I like the fat pay check." "But every time I ask you about work you just scowl and bitch about how much you hate your customers! And since when did you care about money so much?" I chuckled to myself. "I haven't complained about work in months. Not since we were official- or not since the first month, at least." I shifted to my side to face her. "Remember when we ran away for Christmas?" She slid a hand behind my head and grabbed a fistful of hair and gave me a kiss. "How could I not? Best. Three nights. Evuhrr... you could have gotten a motel instead though... " "Yeah, but their beds wouldn't have been as nice, though," I said as I dived in for a kiss. ...

I've been reading a lot of books lately, and I just finished David Mura's Where the Body Meets Memory: An Odyssey of Race, Sexuality and Identity . It's about the author David Mura and his sexual escapades throughout the years. He and his wife had an open relationship for several years, and he writes about his sexual addiction and how his early experiences and issues with race and identity contributed to his addiction to white women. As I was reading his book,  I thought to myself: 1) How the hell did he get his wife to tolerate his bullshit and all his extramarital affairs? 2) Boy is she one patient and forgiving woman to allow him to publish his sexcapades and expose their marital problems. The first half of the book is a bit tedious. He goes over the experiences of his grandparents and parents before, during and after internment. But even though the first half of the book was boring, it showed how historical trauma of a group can leave its impact on a individ...

Thanks to Big WoWo for this one. Check out this candid discussion on love and relationships: Here are some notable quotes from the discussion: At 2:15 Nancy Lee (the girl on the left) says, "About relationships: I don’t have a preference really, but for some reason Asian men don’t really approach me." I'm looking at her going, "REALLY?! You've got to be shitting me?!" But then again, I have heard this complaint from many different Asian women: that Asian men don't approach them. Some of these Asian women then think they're not good enough or don't measure up in some way. At 3:19 Danny Cho says this about making relationships work: "It’s not a chemistry thing for me, it’s a compromise thing. It’s a whether or not I believe in this relationship enough that I’m going to make my sacrifices and be selfless to this person." I think this is very true, and most couples fail to take this into account. The chemistry of a relati...

I received an email from The Asian Playboy asking that I review a podcast of his titled, “Exposing the Myth Behind Why Asian Men Can’t Get White Women.” Well, leave it to this controversial myth to pull me back into the Asian American (AA) blogosphere!  Instead of a podcast review, however, I see this as an opportunity to comment on young Asian male confidence (or lack thereof) in the dating game.  The podcast features JT the Asian Playboy and Will the Better Asian Man , two dating coaches who run boot camps and workshops to help men with their game. They specialize in helping Asian men, but have clientele of various ethnicities.  JT told me that while the title of the podcast says "White Women," in practice, he and his associates encourage their students to date women of various ethnic backgrounds. JT stated that he chose the title to get your attention. Say what you will about Asian pick-up artists (PUA).  I think there are a ...

So I was watching Harold and Kumar Go to White Castle the other night. There's an elevator scene where Harold has approach anxiety . Harold can't think of a thing to say to this beautiful Latina girl in the elevator. In fact he doesn't say anything at all. Many people, regardless of race, will have approach anxiety when they are put on the spot. Women have a hard time empathizing with this, because socially they're not required to make the initial contact. Sure they send the signals, but sending a flirtatious body language cue is much easier than approaching an attractive stranger and gaining their interest. I know 2 guys with 2 very different approaches to women. I've written about guy #1 before . We'll call him Mr. Bohemian, since he lives that type of lifestyle. He is the most unassuming man you will meet, but he is a friendly and passionate person. He likes what he likes and he doesn't care what people think about what he likes. One thing that he ...

Here's a funny look at how Valentine's Day has made its way into China. Thanks to Bitter Sweet Asian for this one.

So I recently did an interview with Will from Better Asian Man . We discussed The Alpha Asian Mindset , and Will had this to say: "James, I just finished your book , and I gotta say that I really enjoyed it. At a couple of points in the book I had to stop to take action, because you drilled it in so many times. Here are the things I put the book down to do while I was reading it: 1. Logged on to my library on-line account to place a hold on Refuse to Choose 2. Create a new Google doc entitled "Alpha Asian 3-5 Method," where I outlined my 5 long term goals, and my 5 tactical goals 3. Open my weight lifting journal and plan out a new new strategy based on your recommendations and principles in Chapter 8 I just got so juiced up by reading your book , that at those points in time I literally said to myself, "I gotta do this right now," and I put your book down, took care of that item and then picked it back up to read some more." Will, has an interes...

Oh of course a woman would suggest this... I can see all the men out there rolling their eyes as they read the title of this entry and decide to skip over it. Well, I heard an interesting statistic this morning that said 4 out of 9 relationships will end by February 2009. Supposedly, this is because people feel empowered by the New Year's resolution tradition and thus everyone begins the year by reassessing their lives. Quite frankly, I don't think there is enough talk about how to maintain a good relationship. What I come across most frequently is advice on how to pick up women or other dating tips. Guys will ask each other if they "scored" but rarely will guys have an in-depth discussion about their long-term relationship. Men (and women) become far less interested in making a relationship good once it goes into the long-term maintenance phase. But why? How do you get better at a relationship without having people (that you don't have to pay) to turn to? Co...

I recently had lunch with a friend, and she related how she had broken up with her boyfriend. She's a very intelligent girl and like anybody fresh from a break-up, she feels confused and somewhat betrayed. The reasons for the break-up didn't seem logical to her. The thing is that intelligence, logic and rationality have NOTHING to do with attraction and maintaining relationships. Both men and women do stupid things when they are possessed by emotions such as passion, sexual tension and longing. There is a widely quoted phrase among PUA circles and that is this: "Attraction is not a choice." You can't help who you're attracted to and when you're attracted to someone, no matter how intelligently and rationally you behave and live your life. This is the reason why some women are attracted to bad boys or make bad choices with regards to their love life. This is why a man risks everything he's earned, including his marriage and his financial a...

My 73 year old father-in-law is a widower who's recently gotten back into the dating game. Yes, that's right: old Asian men and women still date. Who knew?! Anyway, I've written about my father-in-law before about how he's kept himself in good health. He drinks gallons of green tea and eats a grapefruit everyday. Whatever it is he's doing, it's working cuz he's got a full head of jet black hair. And because he's kept up with his appearances, he's a hit with the ladies at the senior center. My father-in-law was a professor back in Shanghai, and the Cantonese women at the center are enamored with his intellectual background as well. The funny thing is that these seniors do a lot of dancing. They're addicted to dancing, so much so that they will hop around different senior centers. I guess senior centers have different hours. "Hey, a bunch of us are going to the Chinatown center. They're open till midnight." Sounds like a bun...

Are you a social networking slut? Do you scour the “Activity Partners” and “Groups” sections of Craig’s List in the hopes of reviving your near dead social life? Are you a member of at least five MeetUp groups? Have you started your own dining group, hiking group or movie group? Have you joined a book group, come to the meetings and not read the book, because you were busy attending other groups? YOU, my friend, are a social networking slut. I should know. I’m a recovering slut. People join social networking groups for various reasons: 1) They just moved to the area and are looking to meet new people. These folks are usually pretty normal and open to trying new things. 2) They just got divorced and are looking to meet new people. Needless to say, these folks have emotional baggage. They’re OK. They just need three years of therapy. 3) They’re socially awkward and are looking to meet new people. These aren’t bad folks. They’re just dorks and embarrassing to hang ou...