Respect in a Name

I often work with individuals from the international community in my day job. The list of home countries is quite a lengthy one when I start thinking of who I’ve met in the last 13 years. One of the policies that I try to enforce in my department is that although there will be misunderstandings at times due to cultural and language barriers – we will do our best to be respectful to each other at the most basic level. Some things just don’t translate well – such as humor – and I warn everyone to be careful in that domain. I also ask everyone to be patient with each other – to ask for clarification before jumping to the conclusion that offense was intended on a subject.

Difficulties with names are a common situation that we run into. Recent studies seem to be supporting the concept that when sounds are not exposed to humans before the age of six, our brains won’t form the connections necessary to both hear and recreate those sounds with accuracy. If this is true – it explains some of the complications involved with correctly pronouncing someone’s name when it stems from a language that the individual trying to say it wasn’t immersed in from childhood. This can be extra problematic for a native English speaker when we encounter a tonal language. One can understand on an intellectual level that changes in tone will change the meaning of a word entirely, but one may not have a brain equipped to actually hear those changes, much less be able to form them well.

With names, which have meaning in every language, to mispronounce the sounds even slightly can result in calling someone something insulting instead of something beautiful or strong. I’m sure when people from native Asian communities travel to the West they encounter this problem quite a lot. And it is likely frustrating to some degree for both the speaker and the listener when trying to overcome this barrier. Because of this, I’ve noticed that young folk from China or Corea or other Asian cultures seem quicker than they ought to be to adopt a local name while they are here.

It is my feeling that Westerners will stumble and stutter over Eastern names – but that those bearing such names should give more opportunities for speakers of Western languages to try. I know that it won’t always – or even often – be perfect. But there’s a certain respect involved here – respect for Eastern cultures. Respect enough to keep making the attempt. Perhaps the individual bearing the name will have to be forgiving of those of us with difficulties over tonal vocabularies, but there is some value in not always giving members of a country like America the easy way out every time. By requesting, politely, that we use someone’s true name instead of something Anglicized (think Xi versus Sue), you’re expressing that you have value, and your language has value. That your ancestors and their culture have value.

America today is a country of immigrants. Unfortunately, the changing of names deemed complicated has become a common habit here. My own family name should be MacSimidh, which really isn’t that difficult to pronounce. But because it looks difficult, at some point in history it was changed. Now when I look it up there seems to be mostly references to some magical faerie story or some such. What a shame – I rather like my ancestral family name. I feel a bit cheated that somewhere hundreds of years ago one of my ancestors allowed the name to be altered into an English name by some common clerk or another.

I have a Japanese friend who just told me a story that bothered me quite a lot, although he seemed to shrug it off. He said that he used to have a generic English nickname given to him by an acquaintance who claimed his own name was too difficult to pronounce. I can’t remember the nickname offhand, but it really was very bland and random… something like “Bob” – which has no relationship at all to my friend’s Japanese name. Not sound-wise, not meaning-wise…not in any discernible way. Apparently he just snatched a name out of thin air and began calling my friend by it. I have to say that my friend’s name really isn’t that complicated. It sounds very much like it looks.

Yes – there is something to be said for adapting to the culture of a new country. Learn the language, learn the traditions, respect the laws – adjust to the culture of the land. But…you don’t have to give up your name. I believe Westerners can learn. Americans can add Asian names to the greater United States culture. I’m not saying that it will always be easy. Some names are harder to form than others. Perhaps the owner of the name will have to forgive that it won’t always be perfect – that accents will be involved, and that some sounds just can’t be heard at all by the person in question. But I don’t think that names should be given up so easily just to be polite. If you have a traditional Asian name (and I of course understand that Asian Americans/Canadians may not), ask that the people around you use it. Maybe it will be imperfect, but over time, it will be added to the common vernacular like all of the other difficult names have been – names like Duchovny or Beauchamp or Giannopoulos or Bienkowski or Gottlieb.

If you encounter someone who says, “Oh, ha, ha – that’s too hard to say. I’ll just call you George instead” - don’t let them get away with it. Insist that they make the effort to use your name. If they refuse and call you George anyway, don’t respond to it. Wait until they try to say your real name. If they get huffy about it, it is their problem, not yours. You are only asking for the same respect that they would wish for themselves.

It really is a matter of familiarity. If you don’t keep handing the locals verbal crutches, eventually they won’t think that names like Zheng or Ryong or Yamanashi or Nguyen are so strange to see, hear or say. Eventually – it just becomes another name one expects an American to possibly have. It becomes part of America.

Comments

Anonymous said…
Hi Celtic!

That's a well written article. It's something I noticed and realised also many years ago, which was the reason I stuck to my guns and used my Chinese name back then.

-RS
J said…
Wow, that is such an eloquently written post, Celtic. No wonder I asked you to join as a blogger!

It really is quite sad that people have to adopt Anglo or Anglicized names in order to make their transitions into American society easier.

I get my haircut at a local salon run by Chinese from Vietnam, and despite the fact that English is their second language, the stylists refer to themselves and each other by their Anglo names. This makes their business run more smoothly of course, because half the customers are English-only speakers.

I don't blame people for adopting Anglo names, because it does make things easier. Some Asian languages sound beautiful while others (like Cantonese) don't sound so great in an English language context. To the Westerner, Cantonese just sounds funny and it gives the Westerner a juvenile urge to mimick and mock.

If you've kept your Asian name, then many kudos to you. I know I'd go nuts dealing with mispronouncing my name all the time.
Celtic said…
I thank you deeply, RS and James for both the welcome and encouragement. It is never easy to shape thoughts into words and I am honest enough to know that someone more gifted could be more effective.

I don't believe there is always any real blame for why these things happen. Bridges between cultures are not the easiest structures to build and maintain - as important and vital as they are. In general, I suspect that people on both sides of the divide are mostly of good intent, and when a simple solution comes along they go with it and hope for the best.

Be that as it may, if we ever want to move on from those first tenuous rickety structures made from rope and wood to something sturdier and more permanent, we'll have to normalize and familiarize each other with all of those things that at first seemed so alien to us.

I'm working on a follow up post that will get into some of the things that I believe will help in this quest.

Thank you again for the invitation and the warm reception. I am, to say the least, grateful - and hopeful that I will offer something useful in return.
anna123 said…
""If you've kept your Asian name, then many kudos to you. I know I'd go nuts dealing with mispronouncing my name all the time.""

lol, it aint so great James,
When i was younger in my youthful idealism i legally changed my name from the English birth name my parents gave me, to a Han Mandarin Chinese name. But actually Ive regretted it alot, because theres too much discrimination, and when i go to apply for jobs, they prefer Anglo names, and assume a Mandarin Chinese name means someone who isnt culturally assimilated into Australian culture. And even when i get to the interviews, they act like I'm just a PRC who can speak english really well, so the expect me to be able to speak Mandarin fluently(which I dont)

Then if I actually meet PRCs they ask me my name, then assume I must be from PRC, and can speak Mandarin fluently too, and they usually only try to speak Mandarin with me.

In both cases, the disconnect/ let down expectations causes people to look at me like I'm pretending I cant speak Mandarin/or am ashamed to be Chinese etc.

So sometimes it has had the opposite effect I was promoting when I originally changed my name (Of being proud of Han Chinese, refusing to assimilate into english speaker name system) lol

I'm learning Mando now at uni and should be fluent pretty soon, but its been quite interesting experiences for me how a name and the social coding a name suggests can affect the way people react and respond to you......lol
J said…
When i was younger in my youthful idealism i legally changed my name from the English birth name my parents gave me, to a Han Mandarin Chinese name.

WOW. Anna, you are hard core, girl! I've never run across anybody who changed from their Anglo name to a name indicative of their ancestral culture. Well I applaud you for learning Mandarin. I took one semester of Mandarin and I got a 'D.'

Yes, I know, I should turn in my Asian membership card :(

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