Fucking A-M-A-Z-I-N-G


To mojorider:

You know..being with her was one hell of an experience for me. I had already learned the value of the dollar from my job, but I guess my time with her taught me that it was good to have a steady income as well as having enough reserve. Also it's really weird knowing that (in maybe 10 years) I want to get married...but that doesn't really bother me too much. It's nice having goals, right?


As for goals right now, I just really want to finish school and get my job as soon as I can. Of course, once I enter grad school I'm not going to have any time whatsoever to do anything besides study so before I get in I want to work on becoming a "better" person. Most of the pharmacists I work with have already settled down and have kids and they're always telling me how they wished they could have done more when I was my age.


Interests: I grew up as a "tiger" kid in a competitive Asian parental environment. I took seven years of art and ten years of piano. Being the shy kid I was, I was hypersensitive to the "Oh how's your son? My daughter just had a recital and she was so good!" statements and such. By the time I was a teenager I was disillusioned by all the praise that I got. I wasn't sure if it was genuine or if it was because they wanted to use me to set up so they could brag about their own kids. My freshman year of high school I quit everything. I never bothered to take the time to practice piano and every time I took up a paintbrush it felt like I was doing chores. About a year ago however, I realized that I was no longer confined to what my parents wanted me to draw or play and that I was free to do WHATEVER I want. When I realized that, I got my old "Fly me to the Moon" sheet music and tried to play it on the guitar. I found a picture online that I wanted to buy, but it was $22 for an 8 x 10 inch copy and thought to myself "Screw that! I'll just draw it myself!"


Financial security: Like I said earlier, it's kind of weird knowing that some day I want to get married and maybe eventually have kids. I guess as a guy, I feel the need to be the bread maker. I'm not normally a frugal person, but one time my ex and I ran away to San Francisco for Christmas for three days. We got ourselves a nice room at the Ramada Inn, went on a shopping spree and ate at all kinds of restaurants. I had already saved up a good sum of money for a car and a large chunk of that was gone in the blink of an eye. When we decided to come back home, my stomach was churning from all of the money we spent. I was thinking to myself the entire trip back "Man... I gotta get more of this green stuff!" but I was happy because we had a great time and it was the first time in my life where I was completely independent and I was able to do all the things I could because of the money I had. When I realized that, I didn't hate work as much as used to.


Fitness: Dude! I work in a pharmacy. I get hassled by vicodin and oxy addicts on a daily basis. I've seen what happens first hand when you abuse yourself too much and I want nothing to do with it. I have morbidly obese customers who suffer from extreme asthma and diabetes. Sometimes I have customers who walk up to my counter who are heaving, gasping for breath and sweating profusely and honestly, it grosses me out so much. On top of that, my father is taking 10+ kinds of medications for his diabetes, high cholesterol and high blood pressure. My dad had a heart attack when I was a toddler and the doctor told him he only had about ten years to live and so my parents decided that having another kid wasn't in their best interest. Don't take it the wrong way, my dad's a pretty fit guy for his age and considering his conditions (that doctor was dead wrong). He's 71 and can go on the tread mill for about an hour and a half. We have a wooden doll out back and I've been practicing with it for about a year and whenever I test how hard my forearms have gotten with him, it feels like he's smashing my arms with a lead pipe. Having said that, it still scares the hell out of me knowing that I have a strong history of medical conditions and when you work with pills all day, the last thing you want to be doing is taking them.


Self awareness: This is probably the hardest thing for me to respond to. I'm still not exactly sure who I am and what my "real purpose" is for and I haven't met a "perfect" role model for me, though I have met enough important people in my life that I don't want to let down. I'm barely in my 20's so I guess it's still socially acceptable. I will say that after my three years of working in retail I have met a bunch of assholes that I never want to become. I mean seriously, the general public is full of pricks and it's given me a pretty cynical outlook on the majority of people- or at least when I'm at work. One of them is a middle-aged, Asian male relief pharmacist that I like to call the "40 year old virgin"' Seriously, if he's not a virgin, he needs to get laid. Bad. This guy has such low self-esteem that he has to pick on me so he can feel better about himself. He asks me questions like "So... how many girls have you given your credit card number to?" Seriously? Dude... I am less than half your age and you're trying to make fun me? How many girls have you given your credit card number to? Some people tell me he has a dry sense of humor, but judging by the way he looks at me, I doubt he's just trying to be funny. He also has a best friend whom is another relief, we'll call her Amy Tan and we'll talk more about her later. She's constantly asking other people if they know any "Short, Asian, around 30 year old women" and whenever I hear her asking that I'm thinking to myself "You just described a gold digger... how many other types of women that fit your description (or ANY woman whatsoever) want to date someone 10+ years older with no charisma or self-esteem whatsoever? (Sorry... I had to work with him too many times this past month and I'm just blowing off steam =X) But the most important thing that I want to say is that if I never got my job in the first place and never learned the social skills that led up to meeting that special someone, I may have well be on the path to becoming him. And that scares the shit out of me.


to Alpha:


Passion: I think the best quote that's inspired me to do all the things I do is "You can't force someone to love you, you can only be someone that can be loved." - Anonymous. I'm a pretty short guy so I got the short end of the stick of the gene pool- I don't have any other choice than to build charisma if I'm going to attract people. Besides the creative arts, my family is pretty involved with martial arts as well. My father practiced Kung Fu and Judo and my *surrogate* mother did Tae Kwan Do (One style from each of the ancient Asian powers). My family Kung Fu style actually has ties to Emperor Chin. I may not look as threatening, but it's nice to know that I can handle myself if someone tries to jump me. Also it's nice being part of a family legacy that I can be proud of. I like being able to do the things that I can. I've finally learned that It's okay to show off every once in awhile- as long as you don't shove it down other peoples' throats.


Dealing with racism: I think I've gotten over putting up with racist customers when they try to make fun of me. I can either come up with some smartass remark or I could just call a manager or security to just kick them out of the store. No need to waste excess energy on those kinds of people. The thing that I can't stand though is the looks that they give you. I get a few customers from out of state every once in a while. Some are from the midwest or the south and I don't know if I'm just being paranoid or if males are more susceptible to open racism. but they always give me this stare like they hate me so much. Of course, I just give them a vapid smile and the stare just intensifies but you know what? I don't care anymore because I'm not as pissed off as they are. There's another time when I was in Houston, Texas I had a broken leg and was on crutches and I was walking around with my family and I was getting those same stares (so maybe I'm not paranoid? Or maybe they've never seen an Asian on crutches.) We went to an IHOP and the waitress just gaped at me. I fucking hate that look. You can kick someone out of your place if they say something rude to you, but you can't always retaliate when someone gives you a dirty look. The bottom line is that I think you have the right idea: I want to be so good at the things I do that no one will question me. I want to be awesome. Not just that- I want to be bad-ass super special motherfucking A-M-A-Z-I-N-G because who wants a racists respect? If you can force them to acknowledge that you're not someone they want to fuck with, then you've won.


Thanks again for the advice guys.

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