Idealistic Vs. Practical
She teases me and says "Honey, I want....two boys and two girls." And I was like "No." And she was like "Okay.. three kids." And I'm like...."No." And with a sigh, she breathes "Two." And then I sigh, cave in and go "Okay fine.... two kids." Without missing a beat, she throws up in my face and I'm like "Babe... too soon!"
The next morning, I rush to the nearest pharmacy to buy some Plan B. (They don't call it "the morning after pill" for nothing.) Luckily for me, it was just the stomach flu. It was pretty obvious since she threw up like six times the rest of the night... but you can never be too careful. Unfortunately for her... she got the stomach flu. We took the Caltrain home and she fell asleep on my shoulder, exhausted from puking last night's dinner and then some.
During that entire night, I had been so freaked out about what we were talking about earlier. I was pretty sure that she probably ate something bad (Oh all-you-can-eat Chinese buffets... y u make such good Peking Duck, but have such dirty kitchens!?!?) but in the back of my mind I kept thinking to myself, "What if?" I was in no position to start raising kids! Hell, I just turned 20 the day before!
But these things always get guys thinking. Besides the chunk blowing, the past three days were literally the best I've had (so far). I liked being able to afford *the most* of our trip's expenses and fighting with her whether or not I was going to pay for something and that was what solidified my decision to seriously pursue my career.
During that entire night, I had been so freaked out about what we were talking about earlier. I was pretty sure that she probably ate something bad (Oh all-you-can-eat Chinese buffets... y u make such good Peking Duck, but have such dirty kitchens!?!?) but in the back of my mind I kept thinking to myself, "What if?" I was in no position to start raising kids! Hell, I just turned 20 the day before!
But these things always get guys thinking. Besides the chunk blowing, the past three days were literally the best I've had (so far). I liked being able to afford *the most* of our trip's expenses and fighting with her whether or not I was going to pay for something and that was what solidified my decision to seriously pursue my career.
These past two years, probably the most difficult thing for me was letting go of the idea that I won't have my "dream job" any time soon sink in. I think growing up (for me at least) I was led to believe that if I "follow my dreams, money will follow" and that you basically get one permanent job per lifetime and that most people hated their jobs and very few people do what they love for a living.
This is probably still true. The majority of Americans I've met always tell me to follow my passions, while the Asians (Fobs) always tell me to pursue a career that makes money. The "idealistic" vs. the "practical."
This is probably still true. The majority of Americans I've met always tell me to follow my passions, while the Asians (Fobs) always tell me to pursue a career that makes money. The "idealistic" vs. the "practical."
Next year, the majority of students from my high school graduate year are going to graduate from College. Some are going to go to upper division while the rest will start looking for jobs. If there's one thing I've learned contemplating about work and happiness these past two years it's this: Most people my age don't know shit about what they're passionate about. At least career wise. And there's nothing wrong with that! You have the rest of your life to figure that out, but...! The real world isn't going to wait for you.
My surrogate mother and I were having a conversation about a month about about how some Americans are too "care free" about how they raise their kids and that they put too much emphasis on "following their dreams." Although this is great advice when you're actually mature enough, as I said earlier, most people don't know what they want to do with themselves until well after college and as a result, most struggle for a while after college until they learn to get their act together. Even though most Asians have pressured to go into a profession they may hate by their parents, as James mentions earlier, we eventually learn that true happiness is success in and of itself and say "Fuck it! I'm not happy!" and choose a profession more to their liking.
My dad always tells me how impossible some things are, like becoming a musician, or an artist, or an MMA fighter. Although I agree with what he's trying to tell me, I think his wording needs to be tweaked. It's not that it's impossible, it's just that it's really hard to be successfully mainstream. I think the most important thing to tell your kids is to ask whether or not they like chasing something that they may or may not truly love while worrying about money and even IF they spent years cultivating their talents and working their asses off, there's ALWAYS that possibility that they may not make it....or if they'd rather be financially secure while trying to figure out what they truly care about.
Like I said earlier, I like having money. I like travelling, I LOVE food even more and I like going out to nice restaurants whenever I want. I just started to get into cars and OMG I want a beemer when I grow up. Iwant need the ability to be financially ready just in case my future wife tell me that she's got a bun in the oven (even if I'm not emotionally).
Like I said earlier, I like having money. I like travelling, I LOVE food even more and I like going out to nice restaurants whenever I want. I just started to get into cars and OMG I want a beemer when I grow up. I
I like drawing again. I like being able to play instruments, hearing my emotions transform into audible sound as I strike the notes. I'm at that age now that I can draw or play whatever the hell I want and no one will complain about it. Even though I'm working my ass off preparing myself to get into pharmacy school, I'm taking whatever free time I have to rediscover myself. So what if I'm taking a stereotypical Asian job? What's important is whether or not I'm happy... and goddammit I'm going to be happy.
- Tommy
Comments
On some level, you also have to not give a rat's ass what anyone thinks. Whether you're taking a "stereotypical Asian" career path or not, it's your life to live and to do what makes your life fulfilling. Also, one is not one's job either. Sometimes they converge, but a lot of times, they don't. A good paying job can help one have the freedom to pursue his or her hobby or interests, I'll say that.
As for your dad's thoughts? You are correct, it isn't impossible, but it's a hard road to travel if you want to pursue the performing arts or athletics at a high level. Most people who do, and are successful at it, do so because it's in their blood. I also thought about the path not taken, how I was clueless about careers in the performing arts. I knew I didn't have the drive to become a music theory and composition major. Eventually, I found myself in federal law enforcement, which is furthest from what I had ever imagined myself doing. I like it, it keeps me interested, and I can do the job well. But I never knew that there were other careers besides being a performing artist that I could've pursued and still be involved with the music biz.
It had never occured to me to minor in business, or pre-law. A career in music meant being in a band, being an artist. Not once did it occur to me that I could go into entertainment law and help bands negotiate deals with record labels, or copyright issues and rights to intellectual property. Or even be an observer and write about the music industry, about bands.
The thing is, you just never know where life's journey will take you, or what will make you content in life. But here I am. I've traveled the world and have seen a lot of interesting things because of my job and it's given the chance to lead an interesting life. And in looking back, who knows? I may have hated being an MBA drone, working for a record label, surrounded by sycophants....
What made me want to email James was one of his articles where he was talking about a day job he enjoyed as well as making money off his freelance writing about his second passion and using that extra money to treat his wife out to a nice restaurant. I was like Man! That is so awesome!
unknown: Hah. I remember when I was an angsty teen. I don't know about you but I'm totally going to be a superhero when I grow up. Listen to what Mojo has to say. People who are successful at those things truly do have that in their blood. It's the first thing they think about in the morning and the last thing before they sleep and in between its all that they dream about. And you know what? Even if they meet the criteria, it's still a gamble if they're going to be successful or not. You want an example of that? Hitler. He was a self taught artist and he poured his heart and soul into trying to get into the best art schools at the time (which were in Italy) but they all laughed and rejected him and he spent a long time in the streets.
And if that doesn't compel you, think about this: If you're in your mid 30's and your wife's got a bun in the oven, are you going to keep believing that your garage band is going to make it? Or are you gonna grow some balls, man up and get a day job so that your baby doesn't have to grow up living on the streets? Because that scared the shit out of when I thought my girlfriend was pregnant.
you're absolutely correct about even those with the drive, having that passion in their blood, are still gambling. But they soldier on because that's the only thing they know how to do, the one thing that drives them. Some of my favorite recording artists have NEVER been given the full recognition or financial rewards from the music industry. Doesn't matter that their work is really compelling and critical favorites. The late classic rock musician Warren Zevon had said that there was never any guarantee of financial success doing what he did for a living. He was able to some money to be comfortable, but he by no means had the huge windfall financial rewards that were showered upon arguably lesser talents. But artists like him have found their niche audience and made peace with never going to be a household name.
Also, an unplanned pregancy is scary for everyone. Especially when you're young. In addition, I think that once you have kids, it's no longer about YOUR interests, YOUR desires, it's all about the child's interest, your family's interest. The proper course of action is to man up, grab your ball sack, and do the right thing, IMO.
Bringing a child into this world is a huge responsibility. Unfortunately, some people aren't mature enough to handle the responsbility to do the right thing and provide for that life. They'll go out and gig with their garage band, be an absentee dad or mom, rather than face up to the fact they are responsible for the welfare and guidance of a brand new life that's entered the world.
So, one may have to put aside those interests and dreams. But were they ever going to lead to happiness, a more fulfilling life? That's the great unknown in life: the road not taken, wondering, "what if...?". And so you have to make the best of what you got, to balance things out between financial gain and personal fulfillment, and figure out for YOURSELF what arrangements you can make with yourself that leads to happiness.
But you're at a point now in your life where you SHOULD be taking advantage of the free time do do whatever you want. Go forth and live life! I wish I were your age again....because the old saying, "if i only knew then what i know now" really becomes true as you get older!