Idealistic Vs. Practical



So last Christmas night marked the two year anniversary of my decision to get into pharmacy. My girlfriend at the time and I decided to go on a three day trip to San Francisco. We had a blast window shopping, going out to random restaurants and just enjoying each other's company. It was our last night there and we were having some of that "after-pillow fight conversation."

She teases me and says "Honey, I want....two boys and two girls." And I was like "No." And she was like "Okay.. three kids." And I'm like...."No." And with a sigh, she breathes "Two." And then I sigh, cave in and go "Okay fine.... two kids." Without missing a beat, she throws up in my face and I'm like "Babe... too soon!"

The next morning, I rush to the nearest pharmacy to buy some Plan B. (They don't call it "the morning after pill" for nothing.) Luckily for me, it was just the stomach flu. It was pretty obvious since she threw up like six times the rest of the night... but you can never be too careful. Unfortunately for her... she got the stomach flu. We took the Caltrain home and she fell asleep on my shoulder, exhausted from puking last night's dinner and then some.

During that entire night, I had been so freaked out about what we were talking about earlier. I was pretty sure that she probably ate something bad (Oh all-you-can-eat Chinese buffets... y u make such good Peking Duck, but have such dirty kitchens!?!?) but in the back of my mind I kept thinking to myself, "What if?" I was in no position to start raising kids! Hell, I just turned 20 the day before!

But these things always get guys thinking. Besides the chunk blowing, the past three days were literally the best I've had (so far). I liked being able to afford *the most* of our trip's expenses and fighting with her whether or not I was going to pay for something and that was what solidified my decision to seriously pursue my career.

These past two years, probably the most difficult thing for me was letting go of the idea that I won't have my "dream job" any time soon sink in. I think growing up (for me at least) I was led to believe that if I "follow my dreams, money will follow" and that you basically get one permanent job per lifetime and that most people hated their jobs and very few people do what they love for a living.

This is probably still true. The majority of Americans I've met always tell me to follow my passions, while the Asians (Fobs) always tell me to pursue a career that makes money. The "idealistic" vs. the "practical."

Next year, the majority of students from my high school graduate year are going to graduate from College. Some are going to go to upper division while the rest will start looking for jobs. If there's one thing I've learned contemplating about work and happiness these past two years it's this: Most people my age don't know shit about what they're passionate about. At least career wise. And there's nothing wrong with that! You have the rest of your life to figure that out, but...! The real world isn't going to wait for you.

My surrogate mother and I were having a conversation about a month about about how some Americans are too "care free" about how they raise their kids and that they put too much emphasis on "following their dreams." Although this is great advice when you're actually mature enough, as I said earlier, most people don't know what they want to do with themselves until well after college and as a result, most struggle for a while after college until they learn to get their act together. Even though most Asians have pressured to go into a profession they may hate by their parents, as James mentions earlier, we eventually learn that true happiness is success in and of itself and say "Fuck it! I'm not happy!" and choose a profession more to their liking.

My dad always tells me how impossible some things are, like becoming a musician, or an artist, or an MMA fighter. Although I agree with what he's trying to tell me, I think his wording needs to be tweaked. It's not that it's impossible, it's just that it's really hard to be successfully mainstream. I think the most important thing to tell your kids is to ask whether or not they like chasing something that they may or may not truly love while worrying about money and even IF they spent years cultivating their talents and working their asses off, there's ALWAYS that possibility that they may not make it....or if they'd rather be financially secure while trying to figure out what they truly care about.

Like I said earlier, I like having money. I like travelling, I LOVE food even more and I like going out to nice restaurants whenever I want. I just started to get into cars and OMG I want a beemer when I grow up. I want need the ability to be financially ready just in case my future wife tell me that she's got a bun in the oven (even if I'm not emotionally).

I like drawing again. I like being able to play instruments, hearing my emotions transform into audible sound as I strike the notes. I'm at that age now that I can draw or play whatever the hell I want and no one will complain about it. Even though I'm working my ass off preparing myself to get into pharmacy school, I'm taking whatever free time I have to rediscover myself. So what if I'm taking a stereotypical Asian job? What's important is whether or not I'm happy... and goddammit I'm going to be happy.

- Tommy

Comments

MojoRider said…
Interestingly enough, money doesn't necessarily equate to happiness. Financial security and wealth certainly can HELP make life easier, but it doesn't follow that it's instant personal happiness. Yes, material things are fun to have, it's nice, but they too, aren't what makes for a happy and fulfilling life. I posted a blog entry here about that as well...am too lazy to link to it.

On some level, you also have to not give a rat's ass what anyone thinks. Whether you're taking a "stereotypical Asian" career path or not, it's your life to live and to do what makes your life fulfilling. Also, one is not one's job either. Sometimes they converge, but a lot of times, they don't. A good paying job can help one have the freedom to pursue his or her hobby or interests, I'll say that.

As for your dad's thoughts? You are correct, it isn't impossible, but it's a hard road to travel if you want to pursue the performing arts or athletics at a high level. Most people who do, and are successful at it, do so because it's in their blood. I also thought about the path not taken, how I was clueless about careers in the performing arts. I knew I didn't have the drive to become a music theory and composition major. Eventually, I found myself in federal law enforcement, which is furthest from what I had ever imagined myself doing. I like it, it keeps me interested, and I can do the job well. But I never knew that there were other careers besides being a performing artist that I could've pursued and still be involved with the music biz.

It had never occured to me to minor in business, or pre-law. A career in music meant being in a band, being an artist. Not once did it occur to me that I could go into entertainment law and help bands negotiate deals with record labels, or copyright issues and rights to intellectual property. Or even be an observer and write about the music industry, about bands.

The thing is, you just never know where life's journey will take you, or what will make you content in life. But here I am. I've traveled the world and have seen a lot of interesting things because of my job and it's given the chance to lead an interesting life. And in looking back, who knows? I may have hated being an MBA drone, working for a record label, surrounded by sycophants....
Unknown said…
I often hear the "get your 'metal rice bowl' first before pursing what you like" argument from asian parents. First, I doubt they actually mean what they say, it is just one way to get you to go the safe route and get into stereotypical asian professions. They have your best interests at heart, but ppl often forget that it takes years and years of practice to become great musicians, artists, mma fighters and such. You would have to be a superhero to be able to be good at two professions/trades. Not many ppl can be like say Jeremy Lin, Harvard mba and professional basketball player. You are using up your opportunity cost of being a musician if you study to be an accountant, so in a way, may parents are lying in the hopes that once you get into the profession, it will be too late for you to get into the other one. Obviously, you still go after your dreams if you want, but the mountain to climb would be even tougher and higher now. They act like they support your decision for your dreams, but well...
Tommy said…
Mojo: I definitely agree with you. I think it's about making the best of what you have. Yeah I meant to talk about how happiness doesn't skyrocket once you make enough so you don't have to worry about everyday expenses, but I only have time to write at night and I don't usually have the brain function to say everything I want to say. To me, making enough money where I don't have to worry about money as well as not being married to my job is highly appealing to me now and yes, it DOES give me time to pursue my interests and to mature as a person.

What made me want to email James was one of his articles where he was talking about a day job he enjoyed as well as making money off his freelance writing about his second passion and using that extra money to treat his wife out to a nice restaurant. I was like Man! That is so awesome!


unknown: Hah. I remember when I was an angsty teen. I don't know about you but I'm totally going to be a superhero when I grow up. Listen to what Mojo has to say. People who are successful at those things truly do have that in their blood. It's the first thing they think about in the morning and the last thing before they sleep and in between its all that they dream about. And you know what? Even if they meet the criteria, it's still a gamble if they're going to be successful or not. You want an example of that? Hitler. He was a self taught artist and he poured his heart and soul into trying to get into the best art schools at the time (which were in Italy) but they all laughed and rejected him and he spent a long time in the streets.

And if that doesn't compel you, think about this: If you're in your mid 30's and your wife's got a bun in the oven, are you going to keep believing that your garage band is going to make it? Or are you gonna grow some balls, man up and get a day job so that your baby doesn't have to grow up living on the streets? Because that scared the shit out of when I thought my girlfriend was pregnant.
MojoRider said…
Tommy,

you're absolutely correct about even those with the drive, having that passion in their blood, are still gambling. But they soldier on because that's the only thing they know how to do, the one thing that drives them. Some of my favorite recording artists have NEVER been given the full recognition or financial rewards from the music industry. Doesn't matter that their work is really compelling and critical favorites. The late classic rock musician Warren Zevon had said that there was never any guarantee of financial success doing what he did for a living. He was able to some money to be comfortable, but he by no means had the huge windfall financial rewards that were showered upon arguably lesser talents. But artists like him have found their niche audience and made peace with never going to be a household name.

Also, an unplanned pregancy is scary for everyone. Especially when you're young. In addition, I think that once you have kids, it's no longer about YOUR interests, YOUR desires, it's all about the child's interest, your family's interest. The proper course of action is to man up, grab your ball sack, and do the right thing, IMO.

Bringing a child into this world is a huge responsibility. Unfortunately, some people aren't mature enough to handle the responsbility to do the right thing and provide for that life. They'll go out and gig with their garage band, be an absentee dad or mom, rather than face up to the fact they are responsible for the welfare and guidance of a brand new life that's entered the world.

So, one may have to put aside those interests and dreams. But were they ever going to lead to happiness, a more fulfilling life? That's the great unknown in life: the road not taken, wondering, "what if...?". And so you have to make the best of what you got, to balance things out between financial gain and personal fulfillment, and figure out for YOURSELF what arrangements you can make with yourself that leads to happiness.
Tommy said…
I think I just got schooled...ahaha thanks for putting me into place?
MojoRider said…
nah bro'...no putting anyone into place. Just sharing a perspective from someone who is older, is all. It's just my random thoughts, if anything at all. I'm just saying that life is a great unknown, we journey through it the best we can and hopefully we make the right choices in life.

But you're at a point now in your life where you SHOULD be taking advantage of the free time do do whatever you want. Go forth and live life! I wish I were your age again....because the old saying, "if i only knew then what i know now" really becomes true as you get older!

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