The Keys to Happiness - by Mojo Rider
As I kind of mentioned in my response to James' post, whining isn't good if you do it all the time. You can whine to vent and blow off some steam about the debilitating social images we have, but you also have to do something about it and go about living your life. So what would make you happy?
You'd probably answer "money", right? Well, that might not be so true. There has been research done by academics and economists about the link between money and happiness and the findings are interesting. It's mostly an illusion. Sure, money is important in that we have to pay the rent and put food on the table. It sure does provide a bit happiness to those who are struggling financially, but it's more likely to reduce the stress of daily survival.
A 2006 Princeton study concluded that money and happiness is illusory:
While most people believe that having more income would make them happier, Princeton University researchers have found that the link is greatly exaggerated and mostly an illusion.
People surveyed about their own happiness and that of others with varying incomes tended to overstate the impact of income on well-being, according to a new study. Although income is widely assumed to be a good measure of well-being, the researchers found that its role is less significant than predicted and that people with higher incomes do not necessarily spend more time in more enjoyable ways....
For the new study, the researchers examined data from the 2004 survey to illustrate misperceptions that more money buys more happiness. Their experiment extended previous studies in which people have exhibited a "focusing illusion" when asked about certain factors contributing to their happiness -- attributing a greater importance to that factor once it has been brought to mind. For example, when people were asked to describe their general happiness and then asked how many dates they had in the past month, their answers showed little correlation. But when the order of the questions was reversed for another group, the link between their love lives and general happiness became much greater.
Ted Leonsis, former AOL executive and owner of the Washington Capitals NHL franchise, is a fascinating and successful businessman, having grown up in a working class household. He is accessible to the fans, blogs, and interacts with fans making him one of the more popular sports franchise owners in the US. He also has written a book about happiness and it's not so much a book to build up his ego about what a great savvy business guy he is; rather, it's about life lessons he's learned along the way. What he's basically found is this: happiness brings success, not the other way around.
On his blog, he writes:
While I think money can help, I certainly don’t think it’s the key to ultimate happiness - particularly since I know some pretty wealthy people who are very unhappy souls. As I’ve commented on previously, I’ve noticed that there are five traits that the happiest people I know - all happen to share:
1. Being connected to multiple communities of interest in an active way. The more people on your buddy list the happier you are;
2. Giving back through volunteerism and sharing with others. (YouTube, MySpace and other social networks prove this point on the importance of sharing);
3. Pursuing the higher calling in all of your major efforts, by doing what is right in the right way.
4. Self expression. Having a good third place to exchange ideas, be creative and have your voice be heard (why do you think there are 54 million blogs out there?)
5. Showing gratitude by being thankful and optimistic.
In his book, he also writes about how he bought a Ferrari only to find out it really didn't have much meaning to his life, that it was like an empty calorie. A nice thing to have but so what? It's about being multi-dimensional rather than singularly focused all the time. It is the variety of life's experiences that creates a full life and that lends itself to happiness.
Expand your social circles. Get out there and don't let life pass you by.
Comments
But there are some guys that have their angry Asian switch permanently on all the time.
People find it easier to vent than to be happy or to act. It's a tough thing to stay positive and it's something you need to practice day in and day out.
One thing that helps you remain positive is to reframe a situation. I always try to look at situation and think, "What did I gain out of this?"
"What was the silver lining?"
At the very least, you always gain a valuable lesson. So even if I failed at something, I think to myself, "OK, so now I know what to do next time."
And sure, it's easier to sit around and whine about stuff than it is to get up off the couch and DO something that's positive and good for one's soul. I know that everyone's experience is different but I'm not experiencing apartheid or anything like that every day. So I'm not in a constant negative mind set. I'm aware of certain social dynamics that impact me and us negatively but I blow past it. yeah, I see a lot more of the WM/AF partnering up when I'm out, but I see it and move on.
I was in a bar last week getting hammered with a co-worker and some other guys; not once did I feel like I couldn't talk to anyone because I was Asian. Nor did I feel as if I were being treated differently. It's hard to rage against the Man when racist shit isn't happening.
Nothing wrong in looking back at unsuccessful situations. All knowldege is rooted in experiences. It's also about the search for deeper meaning in your life.
I just don't want any of these younger guys feeling inhibited. Again, I don't know what their situation is, whether or not they're in a hostile environment, but I don't want them blaming their lack of fun or fulfillment entirely on "because I'm Asian". Like you said about the Kubler-Ross stages of grief. Accept the fact that you're Asian, sometimes shit happens becaue of it, but keep moving forward.
Get confidence. Engage in an activity that builds up your confidence. Something that you are proud to have accomplished and that it affirms that you have value.
And above all, live LIFE. You can sit at home brooding about some slight or some incident or you can process it and move on. It's your life and it's ending minute by minute. Do something with it rather than watch it go by.
@bigWOWO,
thanks for the heads up. and yeah, it's relevant to the discussion. Sometimes, it isn't about the big financial rewards. Especially if you're rotting on the inside. what good are professional rewards and accolades if your personal life is filled with loneliness, self-doubt, and feeling unfulfilled?