Life Lessons Part 3 - Grief

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This is part three of Lt. Col. Guy LoFaro's speech at the US Military Academy.

GRIEF

It's a few years later and you've already had your company command. You're in grad school, studying at Michigan. You get a phone call one night, one of the sergeants from your company. He tells you Harvey Moore is dead, killed in a training accident when his Blackhawk flew into the ground.

Harvey Moore. Two-time winner of the Best Ranger Competition. Great soldier. Got drunk one night after his wife left him and took his son. You see, staff sergeants don't make as much money as lawyers, so she left with the lawyer. He got stinking drunk, though it didn't take much since he didn't drink at all before this, and got into his car.

Then had an accident. Then got a DUI. He was an E-6 promotable when this happened, and the SOP was a general-officer Article 15 and a reduction one grade, which would really be two for him because he was on the promotion list.

But Harvey Moore is a good soldier, and it's time to go to bat for a guy who, if your company command was any sort of a success, played a significant part in making it so. And you go with your battalion commander to see the CG, and you stand at attention in front of the CG's desk for 20 minutes convincing him that Harvey Moore deserves a break. You win. Harvey Moore never drinks again. He makes E-7.

And when you change command, he grabs your arm, with tears in his eyes, and thanks you for all you've done. Then the phone call. And you learn about grief.

This is a tough one but it's something we all share in as part of the human experience. There's no getting around this as we all are confronted with losing family, friends, and loved ones. I lost a childhood friend when I was 18 and I was in such shock and denial that I didn't attend the funeral. It was only later, months later did I break down and finally weep for my friend. And since then, I've been to far too many funerals than weddings. It's never easy but at least you know what to expect, going thru the rituals of saying goodbye and celebrating a life.

Comments

J said…
Just this year a detective that I worked with and had the office next to mine passed away in a traffic collision. It was a tough thing for me to deal with, because I was his background investigator. I knew his history and I saw him become a more focused and disciplined officer over the years. I felt like a father to him, because I had a hand in bringing him into the department.
April 11, 2010 at 8:21 AM
MojoRider said…
Yeah, it's tough. I had a co-worker of mine pass away from cancer several years ago. It was hard. She was our friend and colleague, someone we saw 8-10 hours a day for a long time.

It's events like these that should be seen as constant examples to don't let life pass you by, don't waste your time on stupid stuff. Times like these should make one more reflective, to find more meaning in one's life. The late 1970's rock and roller Warren Zevon responded perfectly on Dave Letterman when Dave asked the terminal Zevon does he know something that Dave didn't know, being diagosed as a terminal mesothelioma patient. Zevon, in his typical wit and fashion, replied, "Enjoy every sandwich." Simplistic but yet so true.
April 12, 2010 at 11:23 AM
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