Who Are You - Part 2: Identity



Not too long ago, on another blog, I commented on identity, bi-culturalness, and if there was such a thing as an Asian American community. I remarked that I didn’t think there really was a singular Asian American community and that I wasn’t even sure what being Asian American meant. At least, not for me. Our experiences are so varied and we come from many different places.

I’ve always been interested in the notion of how we fit into the American culture. There are those who have much closer roots to their immigrant past and there are those whose families have been in the US for several generations (this includes me). It seems as if assimilation into the predominant culture (ie, the white, mainstream culture) does lead to a watering down of the “old country” values and customs and a loss of something as everyone blends into this so-called great melting pot.

I think this holds true even for the European immigrants. I’ve had a few white friends tell me they’re a little envious of the big Chinese banquets and family get-togethers that I endure. For them, they see this exotic bi-cultural pull, something kind of cool, since they themselves have no deep roots to connect them to their Irish past or their German past, etc. The biggest thing they do is backyard barbecues. That’s it. A lot of them don’t have the big, extended families like some Asian groups have.

Yet, for me, I don’t feel any different from my white friends. Nor should I. We pretty much share a lot of the same experiences. When you get down to it, I am culturally an American. Born and raised here. The only difference is that I still have present day confrontations with my ethnicity whereas my white friends don’t for theirs. I still encounter relatives who can speak Chinese, still practice some old customs and all, that reminds me that I am Asian. However, in some ignorant circles, I am viewed as being foreign. Since when did being American equate itself with being white?

For the most part, I’m not overly conscious of being Asian---I simply am. Until there’s something to remind me that I’m not. White folks, for the most part, never feel self-conscious about who they are until they themselves are the lone white person at some social event, where they don’t know the sub-culture’s values and modes of expression and being (eg, think of a white person, who can't speak Spanish, at a Mexican quincinera party or something).

Another interesting illustration about how some Asians view themselves was noted in a Washington Post essay by Peter Carlson in the 7/4/2010 op-ed section:

“…The questionnaire lists 12 races, plus a box labeled "Some other race." Several choices seem more like nationalities than races -- Chinese, Filipino, Japanese, Korean -- and this caused some confusion. Some people told me their race was Salvadoran or Iranian.

A Korean immigrant, who kept apologizing for her accent, identified herself and her husband as Korean. When I asked about the race of her children, she said, ‘Oh, they American.’

‘American isn't really a race,’ I said. ‘Americans come in many races. Should I put down Korean for them, too?’

‘No, no,’ she insisted. ‘I Korean, they American.’

So I checked the box marked "Some other race" and filled in "American." Sounds like that old melting pot is still bubbling.”


When can Asian Americans just simply be, without having to be made to feel different? Hey, we’re Americans. Sure, we are a small minority group with the map of Asia plastered all over our face. We’re going to stand out in a pre-dominantly white majority society. But this lingering sense of “otherness”----what does that do for our collective psyche about who we are in America? Or in Canada? Or elsewhere around the globe?

Complicating matters are the big numbers of white families who’ve adopted Asian kids. I wonder if these kids (mostly female) grow up with a sense of alienation. Unless their parents do a great job of giving them a sense of pride in their ethnic heritage, I can see these kids grappling with a confused sense of identity their entire lives in that their last names don’t match with their faces. I met one of these adopted females several years back at a friend’s house warming party. She told me she did not identify herself as Asian whatsoever and furthermore, had no interest in it. I find that rather sad and it also bothers me. What the hell is so bad about being Asian? Why would someone deny that part of themselves?

Another example is with hapas or Eurasians. I once went out on a coffee date with a woman who was Korean-Irish. Her mom was a typical military bride. Anyway, this woman had the map of Korea all over her face yet she told me she identified herself as being Irish and spent a lot of time over there and in Europe. She, as with the other woman, had no interest at all in her Korean heritage. I thought, “Wow, that must make her mom feel really good.” So what’s going on here? Is it that the western culture, the influences of her father, over took her Asian-ness?

I’ll give you an example from my own personal family life. One of my older cousins is hapa. Her mom is Irish-German and she married my uncle in a time when inter-racial marriages were looked at with open contempt. Anyway, I asked her one day about her being bi-racial and how did she identify herself.

She thought for a second and told me, “If I had to choose, I’d choose to identify as Asian.”

“Really? Why Asian?”

“Because of the family influence on my Asian side was much greater. But when I’m with my mom’s side of the family, I identify myself with my white side. I’m both.”

And so I can’t blame the two other women for how they grew up and how they identified themselves with their European roots anymore than I can fault my cousin. It’s just how it is. I don’t think I like the answers or sentiments from those two other women, but I do think my cousin has it resolved just right: she’s both. And she gives equal respect and pride to her two sides.

ETA: I should really proof read better. The quote from the Washington Post was from an essay on the US Census. Sorry if the quotes confused anyone.

Comments

J said…
yes it's tough getting any sort of unity among Asian Americans, because we each have varying degrees of assimilation and we each come from different ethnic backgrounds and we each grew up and live in communities with varying ethnic makeups.

the only way I see an Asian American community arising is when immigration from Asia stops and the Asian ethnicities intermarry to the point of a pan-Asian community.

but that is not going to happen. I have a feeling we'll be perpetually viewed as foreigners, despite the many Asian Americans who are born and raised here.

I personally don't practice a lot of Chinese customs, but I think my thought processes tend to be very Chinese: being humble, thinking of other people's welfare, being responsible to your family and friends, being financially conservative. Yes I know it's a generalization, but I speak from my own experience.

I don't expect my child to keep up with Chinese traditions, because she is so far removed from an environment where the Chinese culture permeates. A lot of people think that if you know how to use chopsticks and eat dim sum every Sunday, that makes you Chinese. You may know the mechanics of Chinese culture, but that's very different from being immersed in Chinese culture.

I was watching a Black comedian who related that he had a gay white roommate. The roommate stated that both gays and Blacks have the commonality of suffering prejudice and bigotry. The comedian responded back "That's true, but at least you can go back into the closet."

I don't ever look down on Asians who don't know, practice or live out their cultural heritage. I don't expect some Korean adoptee living in Wyoming to keep up with that stuff.

But what I do expect is that if you "have the map of Asia plastered on your face," that you acknowledge where ancestry lies and that you respect other Asians.
MojoRider said…
yeah, interesting. and that's what makes me question just what IS Asian American culture.

As we move further away from our immigrant past, and assimilation into the greater white culture occurs, there is this loss of something. i suspect it's inevitable.

you raise a good point about AA community. once the immigration slows down and more and more get assimilated, then you can have a community actually rooted in SOME commonality.

and that's what i've felt too. has AA culture, or at least Chinese American culture been relegated to dim sums on the weekend?

i'm with you on trying not to be judgmental about how some others grew up. but again, i'd hope they would be respectful of their other half and not deny that part of themselves. by not acknowledging your other half or your Asian ancestry, that's rather sad.

There's nothing wrong with being Asian.
Unknown said…
This is a great article. I read somewhere today , a comment that said ' it seems the more insecure one is about oneself, the louder one has to shout about their race'..anyway back to this great article. I dont consider myself british but i do consider myself chinese. I dont speak the lingo, i dont even eat dim sum at weekends and at college i was a bit of an outcast with the chinese community cos i didnt speak the lingo. but i do respect all asians and feel an affinity towards them in general.also because asians dont have many contemporary rolemodels ( not including the wwf scene and all that stuff) in western media, i end up just being my own rolemodel. back to the article tho, i think its all to do with how you view 'asian'. i think somehwere along the line we have been programmed to look at asian as 'inferior'. and this needs to be changed to 'superior'.because not until you think 'superior' will you get a 'superior result'. guess im talking 'azn pride' but i think there is this self-hate amongst asians historically from being white-washed and worshiping western culture etc etc...i guess what im saying is that we need to accept other asians no matter what their background and then we can find peace and confidence within ourselves. so in a nutshell, flush out this inferiority complex by accepting yourself in all respects and then treat ALL asians as asians without the whole subcategory bollocks ( chinese , koreans, filipinos etc) i mean theres enough confusion between the title of asian as covering indians and pakistanis, and indeed in the UK thats exactly what they are - asians. but at least in the US east-asians, or asians can find some solidarity by bonding with this above suggestion of self acceptance and love and respect for other asians. the younger generations are (over?)confident and seem to get this with their 1st gen parents but its a bit backwards because they stick to their own group specifics rather than bond with outside, whilst the older ( less confident?)had more love for people in general due to having 2nd gen parents but felt segregated because . there needs to be some middle ground of self love and respect and then we can have slow realistic change as a whole and then gain respect as a group like the african american movement for example.
MojoRider said…
angry bc,

thanks for posting. Me, personally, I've always felt a little alienated---I can get along with the predominant culture, but am I really accepted? And then if I turn towards my cultural heritage, well, I'm not really Chinese. I'm culturally American. So there's this tug, this bi-cultural pull. it isn't that I dwell on it too much, but on occasion, I feel sort of limbo. Not really belonging to either.

But the difference is, I'm basically an American and consider myself one. I just happen to be of Chinese descent. again, I do NOT equate American as being white.

My one older cousin's wife is from Hong Kong. She went to school here in the States. Yes, she's American but she's also still a helluva lot more Chinese than the rest of my family. She knows customs, she speaks Cantonese, she makes sure the kids take Chinese lessons on the weekends.

And true, we do need to get over any residual regionalism against other Asians. I personally don't have that kind of attitude but I know the older generations have it. And that's probably what keeps Asian Americans or Asian Canadians or whatever from becoming unified.

you raise an interesting point about self-hatred. I wonder how many there are that have that complex about themselves. if some of those other people who denied their ancestry had any of that in them, that it was far easier to "pass" as being white rather than take on the burden of being an Asian minority.

i also think its kind of sad that the parents didn't care enough to worry about the kids' identity, reconciling that they might have Asian features and look so different from the rest of their families. it's far too easy to gloss over it and white wash them than to teach them to have some pride in who they are. But the western culture takes over and so, you have mixed race kids identifying more with their white side, I suspect. I dunno.

I repeat, THERE'S NOTHING WRONG WITH BEING ASIAN.

I wish some mixed race folks would post and enlighten us about their experiences.

Also, do you really think there's a big inferiority complex among Asians? Or is it isolated incidents among those closer to their immigrant past? Do assimiliated Asians feel inferior?

I don't know any answers of how to fit in other than to just simply be who you are, screw everyone else.
MojoRider said…
you know what? I just took a look at some hapa forums and I have to say that they struggle with identity issues probably even more so.

And I realize that I can't be judgmental about who/what they identify with. I guess it's really not my place to say that I think it's disappointing that some of them don't acknowledge their Asian half. First of all, I'm not living their life and walking in their shoes. Like James said, all one would like to see is that they acknowledge their ancestry and respect other Asians.

Some feel that they're not entirely accepted either by other AA's and that makes me feel sad. It's a shame that some full blooded AA's feel that the hapas are "sell outs" or "not real Asians" because they don't know some cultural things.

Instead, we should embrace them and respect their Asian-ness. Their struggles are much like our own in being accepted.
J said…
I used to date a Hapa, and she identified herself as Asian, although she clearly looked mixed. She didn't have any identity issues that I could tell, but I think that was because she grew up with a loving father (he was the Asian side).

Now obviously it's going to vary from individual to individual, depending on the environment they grew up in and phenotypically how they look. But upbringing makes a big difference.
MojoRider said…
James,

I think you're spot on. It's about upbringing. Like the example I cited about my older cousin. She identified more with her Asian side because my uncle and our family had a greater influence on her.

Also, as I stated before, this was during the time that inter-racial marriage was openly held in contempt. My aunt's family really disowned her and only a few of her relatives accepted the marriage. So my cousin didn't have much influence from her mom's side of the family.

My aunt is really cool. With reservations at first, the family accepted her and she found a home with us and she is very much an "Asian" activist in her own right.

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