Wherever The Road Takes You....
Oh, I can see why roads come to an end though. First of all, look at the responses this blog has received from James' news that he's stepping aside for the time being. And it does go back to my point: we really are just talking among ourselves. I'm okay with a low viewership and I don't care much about how many hits the blog gets. I was more interested in some quality discussions or thoughts from the viewers.
Second, there have been some great posts by James'--the podcast with Chester Wong, for example---and absolutely zero response. Or barely anything. I had been tempted to post just so these posts don't sit there in isolation but I figured that was up to those who visit and read the site. I shouldn't be the one forcing a conversation.
Third, it was kind of disheartening to hear from James that others would contact him just for shamelessly promoting themselves and giving nothing back in return. that doesn't sound like much of a community, does it?
Yet, the road doesn't necessarily end. No, the road goes on with whomever had gained any bit of wisdom from this site and obtained any bit of inspiration, developed any greater belief and pride in being an Asian male, especially an Asian American male, and sets forth to make new roads for himself in life. As I stated in the previous post, blogging is hard and I don't have that much to say either. But like James, maybe I can post now and then and keep the spirit of this place alive.
I have no clue about this blog's viewers are, who reads it, what they take from it. I certainly hope that someone benefits from something here. I am reminded of a quote by one of my favorite musicians. He recounted how fans would come up to him and talk to him about his songs and say, "You wrote this just for me!" And he would tell them, "Yeah, I did. I don't know you, but I knew you were out there."
And the same goes for us. We don't know you, but we know you are out there....
Yet, the road doesn't necessarily end. No, the road goes on with whomever had gained any bit of wisdom from this site and obtained any bit of inspiration, developed any greater belief and pride in being an Asian male, especially an Asian American male, and sets forth to make new roads for himself in life. As I stated in the previous post, blogging is hard and I don't have that much to say either. But like James, maybe I can post now and then and keep the spirit of this place alive.
I have no clue about this blog's viewers are, who reads it, what they take from it. I certainly hope that someone benefits from something here. I am reminded of a quote by one of my favorite musicians. He recounted how fans would come up to him and talk to him about his songs and say, "You wrote this just for me!" And he would tell them, "Yeah, I did. I don't know you, but I knew you were out there."
And the same goes for us. We don't know you, but we know you are out there....
Comments
We might not get high viewership or anything, but if someone is looking for something and we suit his/her needs, then they can find us.
-Really insightful comments from people who know the topic
-Really insightful comments from people who don't know the topic
-Really stupid comments from people who think they know the topic but don't
-Really stupid comments from people who don't care to know the topic, but just want to be a douchebag
I like comments, but in order for an open forum to exist, someone has to moderate it to make sure discussions stay true to the spirit of the thread and not get derailed by commenters who seek to destroy meaningful discussion by having it devolve.
So comment moderation to me is much more time consuming than writing a post or posting videos. I'd rather spend my time creating or posting meaningful material.
Anyway, as far as readership, the blog does have a steady readership, but it's obviously a passive readership. Which is fine. It averages about 800 hits a day, which is combo of hardcore followers and people searching for stuff on the net and stumbling upon my sight. What they look for changes, but these are the top search terms for yesterday:
alpha asian
rick lee porn
cafe di vang
jeremy lin girlfriend
asian blogspot
alpha asian blog
lean muscular korean men
asian blog
asian guys
gangsters
I think when it comes down it, there are a very few Asian American men or supporters of AAM who look for meaningful discussions on high level subjects. AA men are like everybody else: they want to get laid, they want nice toys, they want to enjoy life, they want respect, etc.
They don't care about advocating for their community, because they haven't thought about how to do it. They would rather keep their heads down and not want to deal with the realities of racism. I understand that, because they just want to live a normal life.
But what happens when you become a father and you have a child? Would you want your children to grow up with the same disrespect and disregard that American society has Asian Americans and Asians in general. Would you want your children to grow up living as second class citizens, viewing themselves as second class citizens?
Don't get me wrong, I think things have gotten a lot better for Asian Americans over the years. But there is still that underlying bigotry that non-Asians will whip out in moments when they are weak. How many times have you heard: "What's with all the Asians?" or "There's too many Asians."
The underlying sentiment is our very existence is offensive and that we're cockroaches to be exterminated.
Anyway, you see how I'm getting off topic here? Comments have a way occupying a lot of your time and emotional energy.
This is a huge problem because I think that if you have something to say that is insightful then you should say it, but be willing to defend your position. I think that is the root of the problem when it come to the Asian blogs - few of us really want to step out of line and ask difficult questions, or be willing to defend our positions when we do. It's all just "what do you think?", or carrying forward information from other blogs without much opinion or commentary, and that is a disservice to the Asian-American dialogue.
Plus, I think that Asian bloggers don't seek intellectual exchange with other Asian bloggers. For example, it is almost routine to see non-Asian bloggers engaging in online exchanges and debate with others with whom they disagree. As far as I know, this has never happened in the Asian blogosphere, which has been a waste of the potential of the form.
So if you don't question things, then you're never going to break out and do things differently.
On the other hand, debate is very overrated, because it assumes:
1) that there are only 2 viewpoints
2) that both viewpoints have equal weight
Arguing with racists or Yellow Uncle Tom's is like arguing with people who want you to prove the world is not flat (I got this example from the Eurasian blog BTW).
It's funny, Ben, that you mention the IR issue, because after I announced my second retirement I got this email:
The solution for AM's in the US or any western nation is twofold:
1) Move out of their parents house
2) Travel overseas to E. Europe, S.E. Asia, S. America and Africa and learn the language and culture so the pussy can come easy and cheap
The first is much more important than the second, but the second guarantees sex by an unbelievable margin. Even PUA J.T. Tran admits it when he talked about going to Europe.
But it's good to know that you've got the stats to see that there followers of your blog, even if it is a passive one. My hope is that whatever we post here resonates with someone, or that they get something out of this stuff. I'd just like for some of my younger fellow Asian males to be more confident and get rid of the loser mindset. I wasn't necessarily expecting intellectual discourse,though....actually, I'm not sure what I was expecting. I guess just an acknowledgement that we aren't posting stuff in a vacuum.
I happen to post a lot of things about athletes....I don't do it because I'm a jock sniffer, I do it because it's to highlight achievement and to show others that yes, an Asian male can reach a level of success in a professional athletic endeavor dominated by mostly caucasians and blacks. I post it because I want to show others that these guys are pioneers and role models.
Moreover, it's also to highlight the physical aspect to some of these Asian pro athletes. Implicit in this is, "hey, get out off the couch and start taking care of your body!" I'm certainly no fitness nut, but as I get older, my health becomes more important to me. James, I know you're very much into lifting and physical fitness, and you can probably speak more to it than I can, but changing your body shape and gaining strength through weight training is not only a healthy endeavor, it's also a good mental discipline and confidence builder.
I truly believe that making oneself physically stronger, fitter, improves one's self confidence. And confidence and a belief in yourself, your mental toughness, is key to tackling obstacles in life. And let's face it, there are a lot of hurdles in the way of AA males, but I believe if you train your body, you also train your mind. And that's what I hope the viewers are getting from your site, James.
And as far as the IR issue? All I can say is, move past it the best you can. Don't let it be a barrier to your happiness. Afterall, this is your life....are you going to let it slip away while you're consumed with angst and anger over the IR issue, or are you going to get on making the best life you possibly can? Look, we all struggle with our own personal hurdles in life, but life is nothing but struggles. Painful as they can be, without struggles, without questioning things, without trying to change how AA males are perceived, how will we all ever grow and change?
But the acknowledgement of this blog has been imitation (as evidenced by the Alpha Asian PUAs littering the net). But to me being an Alpha Asian is not imitating or mimicking the behaviors of confident men (as PUA's do) but to (as you put it) tackle the obstacles in life. Doing the hard stuff, taking a different path from others, stepping out of your comfort zone is what builds confidence and mental discipline. you can't mimic the confidence that comes from life experience.
I can see the preoccupation with IR, but I think it's just a crux that some AA guys use to project their inadequacies. Lot of AF/WM pairings: I get it. I see it. Seen it for a long time. Now how does it affect you, and what are you going to do about it?
I've known guys who ranted about this stuff forever. Does the fact that an AF who is not attached to you or married to you and who you probably don't even know personally really affect your ego that much? If so then you need to get a new ego.
When I was young, I never really let race or ethnicity dictate who I should date or pursue romantically. You know why? Because I was horny. I hate to be crude, but you don't give a crap about the race or ethnicity of a woman if you're attracted to her. Your sex drive should be enough to overcome any anxiety to approach a woman.
Sometimes I feel like it's all a catch-22 scenario: if I'm reading a blog about how to be an Alpha-Asian, then wouldn't that just perpetuate my status as a "Beta"-Asian(?) AKA "regular" Asian? I guess that would be the crippling and indignant mindset that may have been induced by institutionalized racism--by the same accord.
However, maybe the root of these issues is caused by the very angst/anger that needs to be addressed. Maybe I see the essays and elaborate considerations of how AA males struggle with the dating disparity as cloying and craven way of diverting from what we all ultimately want to say: fuck that. It's extreme, but Jesus Christ... if some wily racist-cult kid-degenerate heave-ho-ing is causing you trouble, then you should make it a personal game for yourself to see how many teeth of his you can knock out with one punch.. and then two.. and three.. etc. If all his friends are outside, then take them on too. And when you're standing in front of the judge charged for assault and battery and the charges against you are completely legitimate? "I'd probably do it again. Fuck you." But with that mentality you could be pigeon-holing yourself and ultimately give the bad people what they want.
I guess, from the really contradictory nature of the things I've said is that I'm basically asserting that if you want to be really "Alpha," then you'll need to be nearly everything: violent, angry, jock-stupid, smart, cocky, fair, graceful, sad, severe, light-hearted, convicting, selfish, selfless, witty, uncaring but caring about the right stuff, etc.
I don't know if this is relevant, or if any of any of that ^ is, but when I think of the "beginning" steps to becoming "Alpha"--you'll need a reset button. Sometimes that button is a little extreme, but you have to delve into the extremes of all aspects to truly understand everything. You have to be that "Yellow Uncle Tom" (what a joke of a term to depict a person of Asian descent who feels socially pressured and confused to act a certain way that would grant him temporal satisfaction in being socially acceptable and/or is naturally just "American" by his own accords) and not only that but be a SUPER "Yellow Uncle Tom" just to see what it's like. Then, you have to go in completely opposite directions. I think ultimately from that process you'll being to really create an opportunity to establish a truly unique identity that isn't so Asian-ridden or Asian-American-ridden, but something that is, well, unique and worth having. I really just want to conclude this by referencing Wesley Yang, who wrote the Paper Tigers article featured in the NY Times. That guy kind of knows what I'm talking about and could probably capture the emotions of the upcoming Asian-American male generation a lot better than me.
Nevertheless, you have to have some discussion of HOW to do something or be something, whether it's an Alpha Asian or something else. And part of addressing the how is to acknowledge the insecurities a lot of AA men have. Not to dwell on them. But to acknowledge them and move past them. And sometimes you move past them with humor.
If saying fuck this and fuck is the way you move past it, then more power to you. But it's a only first step. Cursing and anger are only the steps to motivate, to get you out of a state of inaction. But you have to break down the process to some degree for people who just don't get it. Saying "just do it" to somebody means you're just a shitty teacher.
Quite frankly everybody has a bit of the truth. Even though we might groan at the cliche that Amy Chua has introduce to the American lexicon, there really are Tiger Moms. And even though a lot of Asian American men (like Wesley) feel that their Asian way of thinking is incongruent with American culture at times and hence often a liability, there are plenty of other AA's who turn out just fine. In fact, the Asian discipline forged from Tiger parenting is what leads to their success in life.
I don't view everything in black and white, right or wrong. I'm very Taoist in that I believe all things can either be good or bad, beneficial or a liability, depending on the context. The Asian American cultural mindset is a liability or benefit depending on the situation.
I guess I may have implied too much with the mentioning of Wesley Yang and the Paper Tigers article. Thanks for the link, Tommy. I feel that I wasn't trying to blindly promote the "AAWA" mindset, but bring to light its effective qualities that are very relevant to the discussion.
Of course, you wouldn't read The Catcher in the Rye and say that it's a bad book because Holden Caufield is a bad person... it's a book that only means to assert the idea behind who he is--as someone who consistently challenges the status quo.
Although it was interesting to read the blog post that offered a sort-of antithesis to Wesley Yang's writing, the author of the blog post went in the wrong direction and took Yang's thoughts as a personal attack on "Asian American values" that soon extended to an attack on himself (the blog author). Yang's article wasn't directed at Asian American values per se, but rather as a social commentary on social values themselves. You can conclude/interpret it this way because Yang disavows EVERY value eventually--saying that he rejected both "American" and "Asian" social standards. Yang said he wanted to be himself in a very individualistic way, and for the blog author to imply that Yang was making self-loathing rants and to be even LABEL Yang as an "Asian American Writer with Angst" is ironical (read: nonsensical).
Nonetheless, I really appreciate your guys' responding to my post. As always, I mean no disrespect (particularly to James), and I want to know how you guys feel in response.
"And AAWAs (Asian American writers of angst) can get away with this self-indulgent bullshit because we Asian Americans who made something out of ourselves, instead of being a Writer, do not feel the need to speak of our victory. We, for the most part, have no angst that compels us to complain about the world. We are content to enjoy the spoils of our triumph. If someone challenges the validity of our success (as many before Yang have done and many after Yang will surely do,) we can politely, but firmly, point to the scoreboard."
And that's a big problem. If we have so many Alpha Asians, then why don't they tell their stories and teach others on how they achieved their successes? Because there a lot of Asian Americans who feel marginalized and alienated and who've hit the Bamboo Ceiling. And they could use some guidance and mentoring from some Alpha Asians.
That's the reason I was doing this blog. I wanted to show Alpha Asians who've been successful or who have taken very different paths.
Being successful as an Asian American means successfully alternating between 2 cultural modes (Asian and American) depending and successfully synthesizing the 2 cultures into one. I think it's easier for those of us who've grown up in Asian American suburbs to synthesize the 2 cultures into one, because we've grown up in a synthesized hybrid culture in the first place.
Anyway, I was flipping through some of the comments on the Paper Tigers article, and there was an interesting one that stood out:
I am Asian American. I work as an engineer in Silicon Valley. Every day, I hear reports in the news about cutting edge American technology being "stolen" by China. You know who's doing the stealing? Disgruntled Asian Americans who have been treated like second class citizens in this country. The so-called losers, highly educated Asian guys who (like the men described in Mr. Yang's article) have trouble meeting girls.. some of them may have even attended JT Tran's pickup class. You know how I know this? Because I have been approached at least half a dozen times by representatives of Chinese firms. I have been offered a large amount of money, as well as sex, with both white women and Asian women, in order to provide American tech secrets to China. I have also been (correctly) repeatedly reminded of the way I am treated like a second class citizen in America, of how, simply due to my race and the amount of melatonin in my skin, many women in this racist country will not date me."
If there's any perception of "unnnaturalness" or a sense that we're trying too hard, then it may derive from not getting much feedback or acknowledgement in our postings to begin with. As any writer or blogger knows, you have to know your audience. Me, personally, I never knew who the audience was other than perhaps some generic alienated and frustrated AA guys. Here I am, posting information about weightlifting and for all I know, everyone in the audience is a seriously lifter who don't need my information! James' goal was to highlight achievements, show AA males taking the unusual path, to inspire, to put thoughts into actions, and actions into activism.
And I agree with his point about just BEING Alpha isn't enough. There are, I'm guessing, some in the readership who need some mentoring and help as to HOW to get to a place of comfort and success in life. As James said, if all we do is say, "be more confident!" then that's being a shitty teacher or guide towards the truth. And speaking of truths, I do know this much: everyone's truth will be different than mine. And that's why I state it as we can guide someone towards the truth, we can't tell anyone what that truth is because every experience is and circumstance may be very different from my own, from James', and from Tommy's. We can only state what helped us, what worked for us.
And as for the bi-cultural point James' makes, even though I'm 4th gen AA, and grew up in the suburbs, there is still that pull of my Asian heritage in my mostly white cultured American life. I'm still subjected to the clannish extended family get-togethers all the damn time. But I'm not stuck in it and I can function normally within the predominantly white mainstream culture. Again, as James stated, for some of us, it's easy because we already grew up in a hybrid culture.
And the comment you found James? unfortunately that is an outgrowth of American society's failure to be more welcoming to AA males. The Chinese have the most fertile ground to get people to spy for them: AA's who've marginalized and alienated from the mainstream society and culture. Those reps from these Chinese firms ain't reps----they're spies. That is classic FCI (foreign counter intelligence) shit that the feebs run into all the time, I bet.
And those are the kind of guys that need help. I don't condone any of that spying shit....first of all, I'm an American, I love this country. I don't care how marginalized I am, I ain't selling out my country just because I couldn't get some poontang. I mean, how fucking stupid is that? Look, I can understand the sentiments behind it, the frustrations, but no way do I agree with spying. Because to me, it's a loser's mentality. If I were to go back to my great grandparents' motherland, the folks over there would say, "You're not Chinese, you're American...you're not one of us." And they'd be correct.
"I have not provided any proprietary technology secrets from the American companies I've worked for to any of these Chinese firms. I have not accepted their offers of women or money. I know many Chinese Americans (and even Asian Americans of other races) who have. My personal reasons for not accepting this have to do with my hatred of any large organization, be it the Chinese government, the US government or a college fraternity. But I certainly don't hate my Asian brothers who have chosen to do so. The Chinese representatives paint a very detailed picture, about a future in which Asia becomes so powerful, Asian men will be perceived as the most desirable. It is quite a seductive vision that they paint, particularly for Asian American men who have suffered so much mistreatment and have felt so alienated, even by women of their own race.
I see this happening, and I am reminded of Shylock in the Merchant of Venice. Shylock was a member of a minority (Jews) that had been ostracized, alienated, portrayed as sexually undesirable. His own daughter rejected her people to "love" a member of the majority, Antonio. And what does Shylock, as channeled by Shakespeare, say of his fate and his treatment by the majority?
"If you prick us do we not bleed? If you tickle us do we not laugh? If you poison us do we not die? And if you wrong us shall we not revenge?"
I have told you what I have seen. Mr Yang has shared how we feel. America, IF YOU WRONG US, SHALL WE NOT REVENGE?
History tends to repeat itself. Marginalized minorities who are tasked with protecting the majority end up rebelling. The Romans bought out the Goths and recruited them into their army, but they treated them like shit. What happened? The Goths sacked Rome.
A lot of AA's in law enforcement and the military, and yet they're still treated like the enemy. I would never sell out my country and neither would the many Asian Americans who swore the oath to protect this country. But this country needs to acknowledge the hostility and racism it has towards Asians and Asian Americans.
However, I'm in the same boat as you guys--even if I were ever to feel unappreciated or downright disrespected "by my country," I wouldn't try to absolve those issues in such a petty way... in exchange for money and women bought with that money? Man, the guys who actually accepted these offers from the Chinese firms must feel incredibly displaced to stoop to such levels. Unacceptable, yes, but isn't there a point to which the finger pointers are also deemed unacceptable for pushing people to the point where such people no longer even CARE about what is acceptable or unacceptable? I mean, for example, if you take away (murder) a man's entire family for no good reason other than to fuck with him and demoralize him, and he, in return, retaliates in a "drastic" way by blowing up the entire Eastern hemisphere in attempts to avenge his family--would he be TRULY justified in doing so? Hell no, and I don't think that there's anybody out there who would comfortably say that said man's actions would be justified on any moral grounds. But that is my point. In the context of AA-males "selling out their countries," it is incredibly easy to judge them for their actions--they were/are wrong for giving away COMPANY secrets (even excluding the bigger moral violation of betraying our country, the U.S.A.), let alone the "country's" secrets--but it turns to be incredibly difficult to judge them for their REASONS.
In current times, there exists a lot of dichotomies for the AA scene. Guys like Jeremy Lin and Daniel Dae Kim are reinventing the image for AA while up against the typical and entrenched emasculate Ken Jeongs and Bobby Lees of the world. Keeping in line with the synthesis-based approach to solutions, I have to iterate and assert that I am NOT disregarding or trying to phase out the personality/social values that guys like Ken Jeong and Bobby Lee provide, but rather promoting an idea where AA males can be perceived in both lights without one necessarily dominating/taking favor over the other. These dichotomies need to be understood but whilst being incorporated into a confident form of understanding that could only be achieved implicitly, and somehow "naturally"--hence the introspection.
I think this whole situation is so tricky and--well--hard. How do you teach something without actually teaching it? I think it's something that's closely related with the challenges our own fathers have--feelings of responsibility of having to teach their sons that life is beautiful because fathers know that it is beautiful without haphazardly saying that "life is beautiful and you should see it that way."
The reason why I am comparing it that fatherly framework is because these issues are indeed that deep--that they are simplistic only in the form of real life, emotional and super-social experiences that instill lessons within ourselves as we feel and interact with them for the first times in our lives. And when these lessons are finally attempted in our technical translation--to be consumed en masse--do we realize the unnervingly difficult and complex nature of these things that are so hurtful and heart-felt.
Of course history repeats itself because we reap what we sow. If we don't evolve, if we don't learn, the events happen again until the matter is finally resolved, be it through violence or some other way of subversion of the majority. I think MLK said something about a riot being the voice of the unheard, or something along those lines.
But this country won't acknowledge the hostility, racism and even indifference to Asian and more specifically AA males because our numbers are too small and our voices aren't loud enough. Case in point, the entire South Philly school beatings of Asian kids barely made a ripple in the national news. Instead,it was more of a local story. Why? Aren't Asian kids worth anyone's attention when the institutions failed to protect them? Or was it too sensitive because it was mostly black kids beating up the Asian kids and nobody wanted to go there and accuse blacks of behaving badly?
All the more reason why instilling a belief in the Alpha Asian mindset is relevant. Because life for an AA male contains a lot of struggles and barriers and the only way to overcome that is to be confident in one's self and to cultivate yourself into being the best person you can be: physically, spiritually, and mentally. And to bring it back to what AD posted....
AD wrote that he thought this site was trying too hard and not being cool. Well, I'd also add that there is a processing of becoming. For the readership that comes here looking for inspiration or something that might improve their lives, they are not a finished product. Hell, neither am I! For as much blather I provide here, I also say it to myself. But there are our fellow brothers who are bearing a huge brunt of society's indifference and coldness towards us. And that's hopefully whom we are helping.
I might not be able to change the world, but what I can change is MYSELF. And by cultivating and improving myself, I create my own paths and in-roads in life and become the anti-thesis of people's expectations or preconceived notions about AA males. And even if you are a stereotypical mode (engineer, medicine, etc..), you can be more than just that by being well-read, having varied interests, and being able to converse with anyone on a variety of topics. Ok, we're not responsible for other people's education but in a sense we are. In some places, we might be the only AA male they've ever met or encountered in person. And if each AA male goes out into the world, defying societal perceptions about AA males, well, that's a start in making change....
Like you've stated before, James---get outside your comfort zone, gain experiences. That one person who emailed you about getting overseas, travel, I agree completely. I've traveled a lot in Latin America (mostly for work) but those were incredible experiences--some good, some bad---but it all makes for an interesting life. And people respond to someone who's interesting. At least that's been my experience....
There has been a dichotomy in the stereotypes of Asian American men since WWII. Charlie Chan and Fu Manchu. Good non-threatening emasculated Asian (Yellow Uncle Toms or YUTS) and evil, taking our jobs, out to conquer the world Asians. A good essay to read about the psychology of racist stereotypes is Frank Chin's Racist Love.
I think this whole situation is so tricky and--well--hard. How do you teach something without actually teaching it? I think it's something that's closely related with the challenges our own fathers have--feelings of responsibility of having to teach their sons that life is beautiful because fathers know that it is beautiful without haphazardly saying that "life is beautiful and you should see it that way."
As Bruce Lee said, to learn something you have to synthesize natural instinct and control: "You are to combine the two in harmony. If you have one to the extreme, you would be very unscientific. If you have another to the extreme, you would be a mechanical man. It is a successful combination of both. So therefore, it is not pure naturalness or unnaturalness. The ideal is unnatural naturalness or natural unnaturalness."