Asians and Introversion
I remember back in middle school and high school, whenever I had approach anxiety with girls, my friends (especially the girls) would always give me the same advice: Be yourself.
I don't know about you guys, but when you're a thirteen year old kid, probably one of the last things you know about is to be yourself.
I don't know about you guys, but when you're a thirteen year old kid, probably one of the last things you know about is to be yourself.
In my junior year of high school one of my final projects was to figure out a "career" for yourself. One of the requirements in that final was to take the MBTI test. I thought that this was such a great description of myself and as a really depressed Asian kid, I took to this like white on rice. I hear this is how cults recruit new members.
I joined a now defunct forum for my specific personality type. I had a great time talking to like-minded people online and even met one of them in real life that I'm still friends with to this day. During that time, I honestly thought I was "figuring myself out". But after the the initial giddiness, I was starting to pick up on the forum's negativity. There were a lot of threads proclaiming
"NO ONE UNDERSTANDS ME BUT YOU GUYS" and
"I CAN'T DO X BECAUSE MY BRAIN IS HARDWIRED TO DO Y"
There were also a lot of threads with losers timid guys desperately trying to get a China doll, because they thought she would understand "their need for being alone". If you Google "famous INFP's" you will see that Amy Tan falls under that category, just another reason why I no longer associate with the MBTI.
I joined a now defunct forum for my specific personality type. I had a great time talking to like-minded people online and even met one of them in real life that I'm still friends with to this day. During that time, I honestly thought I was "figuring myself out". But after the the initial giddiness, I was starting to pick up on the forum's negativity. There were a lot of threads proclaiming
"NO ONE UNDERSTANDS ME BUT YOU GUYS" and
"I CAN'T DO X BECAUSE MY BRAIN IS HARDWIRED TO DO Y"
There were also a lot of threads with
Despite all of its flaws, I think the test is a great way to gauge your current mindset. The test gives you a percentage of where you are at with each function. The problem is that the test labels you with the dominant function. No one function is better than the other, although there are plenty of personality Nazi's out there that will differ. And because we are given a label, people will naturally stick to it and build themselves a mental cage.
Comments
Yeah, I like the Myers Briggs or Jungian personality stuff. I think self knowledge is important because it leads to self awareness. As Bruce Lee wrote:
"Self-knowledge involves relationship. To know oneself is to study one self in action with another person. Relationship is a process of self evaluation and self revelation. Relationship is the mirror in which you discover yourself - to be is to be related."
Knowing your personality type, having awareness, can sharpen your senses and give you better understanding of how you are and how you relate to and with people, how others see you.
I think the people you found on that forum with all the negativity don't really understand the purpose of knowing the personality type. I agree with you, there is no "right" or "wrong", it simply is. One has dominant functions as well as non dominant ones. It doeesn't mean that one cannot develop the non-dominant function. To use any of that as an excuse for why someone can't do X,Y and Z is such a cop out. Johnny Carson was an introvert and yet the guy stood up on stage every night for 30 years and interviewed people and cracked jokes.
Hell, I test out as having the rarest introverted personality type. Yet, I'm in a job that is people oriented and carries with it confrontation. But you learn how to cope and develop other parts of yourself and you get through; it's called living LIFE and gaining experiences and growing as a person.
I really dislike people giving up on themselves and using excuses like, "Well, I'm just hard wired that way, that's why X, Y and Z doesn't happen for me..." Bull shit! You have free will. I'm not saying it's always easy, but you can transform yourself from the very thing you're not happy with. one has to get mentally strong and gain a belief in him or herself. Again, another quote from Brother Bruce:
"To become different from what we are, we must have some awareness of what we are. Whether this being different results in dissimulation or a real change of heart, it cannot be realized without self-awareness. Yet, it is remarkable that the very people who are most self-dissatisfied, who crave most for a new identity,have the least self-awareness. They have turned away from an unwanted self and, hence, never had a good look at it. The result is that most dissatisfied people can neither dissimulate nor attain a real change of heart.
They are transparent and their unwanted qualities persist through all attempts at self dramatization and self-transformation. It is the lack of self-awareness whichrenders us transparent. The soul that knows itself is opaque."
I just don't like people to put themselves into mental cages or use excuses. I tend to think that excuses are a mask for their lack of confidence and belief in themselves about what they can do. Sometimes peoples behavior masks their true motivation, and they are motivated by fear. I don't mean to be harsh, I understand what it's like because I was pretty shy and scared of the world as a little kid myself.
I know it's not easy, but you gotta get on with life and test yourself in situations that make you uncomfortable. You won't know what you can accomplish if you don't ever try. And you learn from your failures. True story. When I got hired on with my agency many years ago, I was just a young punk in my 20's. My first week out of Quantico upon completion of my training, I get told I have to give an intelligence briefing at a huge conference with over 150 federal, stated and local attendees at the end of the month!
Jesus....I was so young and all of this was so new and having to stand up in front of all these grizzled law enforcement veterans was no easy task. But it was a valuable experience. Talk about having flop sweat and soaking right thru your undershirt, having a pounding heart and dry mouth.....but as I got started on my briefing, after the initial step into the fire, I relaxed a little and got more comfortable as I went along. I'm still not comfortable talking to big audiences, but I know I can do it. And more importantly, having experience, I know HOW to do it. I still get nervous---everybody does---but if you know your material, it becomes just having a conversation with people. And YOU have all the power, because you know something they don't know. And that's why they're there to listen to YOU.
That's what I've learned and what I tell myself to prep myself mentally. I control THEM and I have power. So maybe people like Johnny Carson and Ellen had to do similar stuff in the beginning....afterall, stand up comedy is very hard and unforgiving. But they believed in their talent. And that tells me that people need to believe in themselves as well.